Advice~Inspiration

[Thoma]

Some of you may know my story but to sum it up... My GF and I were together for a year and very much in love (talked about marriage and kids). After graduating college she moved to NY and I'm in Ohio because she couldn't find work here. We tried to make things work and have done long distance before but it has been a roller coaster. She is just not a good communicator (forgets phone, forgets to check phone n txt) and lately it has been even worse. Now it seems like every conversation we are arguing and I have tried to go NC because ultimately I know it is unhealthy. We honestly thought we could work this out but I'm sick of worrying about her even though I trust her it is just hard and I know she feels the same. I have had some good advice as to go complete NC and get over it now and move on, life is to short to be with someone that doesn't make you happy. I fell like I have to change who I am and act like I don't wan to communicate more just to prevent arguments (she thinks she is to busy with her career and being in NY to make me happy). I have gone NC for a few days but always end up responding when she tries getting ahold of me and yesterday she said she wanted time to think about what she wants in life. I know she isn't making me happy at this point but I guess I'm just afraid of losing her and her being with someone else (I mean she's a good looking girl and I know the possibilities). I guess just been a really tough week and need some positive feedback to get me through and back on the right track of moving forward! THX

[Edmund Exley]

Have you guys actually ended it?

[Thoma]

Wish I had an exact answer to that and that's probably a lot of the problem. We talk like we are still dating when we talk but it ends up turning into a fight and how neither of us can do it anymore. Just a complete roller coaster!

[SooSad33]

"it ends up turning into a fight and how neither of us can do it anymore"

- Because of distance, amungst other things, do you think it's just time to throw in the towel now?

Something like distance can always cause issue's.

[DancingFool]

Back away for a bit from the emotional roller coaster and ask yourself a simple, practical question - what's the end game here? She is in NY, you are not. It doesn't appear she can move to you or even plans to as she has just started her career and her focus is on that. Can you get a job in NY and be there with her? Are you two planning on marriage and a future? It doesn't seem like you are. LDR's only work for a short period of time when there is an end game in sight - meaning someone is moving to close the distance and the relationship is moving forward. You can't just sit in limbo in an LDR.

 

It also seems like you can't handle the distance due to personal trust issues and insecurities. You feel out of control and you are taking it out on her.

 

If there is no end game, you do need to just end it cleanly for your own sanity and well being. It seems like this relationship has run its course. Most college relationships don't survive the transition to real life. It's a tough time as both people are suddenly faced with the realities of bills, and a brand new career and having to give it your all, etc. The focus shifts away from relationships for at least a few years.