Choosing a time when and if to break up

[mulletman]

Hi all,

 

I have been 'exclusively dating' a girl for about 3 months now (some may call it bf/gf, some not) we have been quite serious with each other since the start.

 

Over the past few weeks, I feel very little attraction towards her, both physically and mentally. It has now reached the point where I'd put a night staying at home playing on my ipad over her. We are both very kind to each other, but I am thinking there is no point me continuing like this. The things that I used to like about her, they now annoy me. She is a nice person, but I just don't think she is the one for me. If I break up with her, I am sure she will have no idea and will be shocked. I have wandering thoughts about other girls (but would never do anything).

 

I guess there are two questions...

 

Should I break up with her? Has this relationship run its course?

 

When is a good time? Today is Wednesday, I am dropping her at the airport on Friday as she is flying away to see her parents over the long weekend (whom she only sees a handful of times a year. She arrives back on Tuesday, and then she has a graduate job interview on Thursday which she has been thinking about for one month. Then, next Saturday there will be a large family Birthday at my house. So after reading this, I cant really pick a good time? Do I wait until after the interview and pretend everything is fine until then?

 

I can't see any option!

 

I appreciate any input people have.

 

Thankyou.

MM

[panther]

If after 3 months you are feeling like this, it is aclear sign you are not going to fall in love with her.

 

Can't really tell the best time either. I guess it won't hurt to wait a week until the interview is over. You will almost not see each other until then anyway. But I don't see any need to postpone it until after the family birthday.

 

I would pick either right now, today. Or until the interview is done.

[Man with Dog]

The relationship has run its course but I would save the dumping for after the interview. Emotionally you have left the relationship already and it would be cruelty to continue with it any more but doing it before the interview would ruin her chances.

 

Good luck to both of you.

[Cherry1615]

I just wanted to say Kudos for realising this and thinking about her feelings before acting. For her it would probably be best to get dumped after the exam, but it depends if you can fake it until the test, then do so but she may start to feel the distance between you and her (eg. her planning for the future & getting vague answers from you) and this could stress her out as well.

[MisUnderstood9]

I would wait until after her interview. The Friday before the party would probably be best. If you are not into her there is no reason she needs to be coming to a BIG family birthday party on YOUR side of the family because that would give her the impression that this is getting more serious because you are letting her meet people of your family.

 

Really, there is no good time ever to dump someone, but with something like that Graduate interview, you dumping her before her vacation would hurt her chances of being in the right state of mind for the interview.

 

Definitely do it on the Friday before the birthday party, take her out for coffee or something and just tell her how you've been feeling. Really emphize that its not her specifically, that its you that isnt feeling the relationship, (its not because of something she did)and you want to end things before she's feels its more than it is in your heart.

 

Good Luck!

[Jehst1987]

I just wanted to say Kudos for realising this and thinking about her feelings before acting. For her it would probably be best to get dumped after the exam, but it depends if you can fake it until the test, then do so but she may start to feel the distance between you and her (eg. her planning for the future & getting vague answers from you) and this could stress her out as well.

 

I agree with this. Kudos.

 

I would do it today or tomorrow. Best she deals with it while with family and in advance of the interview... She'll feel the distance which will bother her almost as much as being 'dumped'.

[WithLove]

It's never a good time to break up, and even though I give you major props for wanting to wait until it's good for her, I think it would be cruel to string her along. Just as it would be cruel for someone to string you along. I'd just get it over with.

[mulletman]

Hi guys,

 

Thankyou for all of your responses.

 

It seems the opnions are mixed 50/50 whether I break up with her today/tomorrow, or wait until after the interview.

 

If the shoe was on the other foot, I think I'd prefer somebody to be honest with me and breakup when they thought it was over, I wouldn't be too impressed to be strung along...although it is only one week.

 

Also one other thing, she has been shopping for a present for this birthday. So I will feel that extra bit of 'bad' if she buys a gift and I break up with her. I'm sure it comes with a receipt.

[panther]

Oh a gift, I see. Seems like it is always a bad timing. Hmmm do you really think this will affect the interview?

Well, you can't hold responsibility for her feelings and her reaction. She is grown up and has to deal with the hard things in life as everyone else.

[YouCanDeleteThisAccount]

Do her a huge favor and discuss the breakup with her so she's not left with "what the heck just happened" questions. They'll always be questions, and you'll have to limit it at some point; but give her a decent breakup.

[IDer89]

Oh a gift, I see. Seems like it is always a bad timing. Hmmm do you really think this will affect the interview?

Well, you can't hold responsibility for her feelings and her reaction. She is grown up and has to deal with the hard things in life as everyone else.

 

When you're giving someone bad news, even if for all the right reasons you have to take responsibility for how it will make them feel.

 

I think after her interview would be the best time, as stated theres no reason for her to come to your party and interact with your family as it gives her false hope of a future.

 

The interview sounds important and if she lands it will allow her to have something to distract herself with during her healing process. Don't do anything to interfere with her ability to make a living if all you have to do is pretend to be in a relationship for a week.

 

It seems like you won't be seeing all that often between today and her interview anyway, and you could always make excuses for Thursday and next Wednesday if she would like to spend time with you. I think arrange to meet for coffee on Friday and tell her everything that you feel and keep doing the right thing. Kudos again for thinking of her feelings, make sure you act on those kind thoughts though. Let her go in to this interview on the best form she could possibly be otherwise you could be the one she ends up blaming for not getting the job.....

[mulletman]

Yes that does make a lot of sense, im sure she's not the type the blame me, but i dont want that guilt either if for whatever reason she doesn't get the job. Yes she's been stressing about this interview for a month, as it's her first one and a very good job.

 

One issue. I am taking her to the airport tomorrow night (friday) and also picking her up Tuesday. So there has to be at least 2 more meetings with her before the interview.