Peace09 Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Hello everyone, I just need advices about my relationship.. I will sum it as much as I can.. I met my bf/fiancé two years ago in Paris. Me and him have a 7years gap, agewise. He was my best friend's cousin and we spoke for two weeks before going out. At that time, I used to live London. I went back to London, he was in France and we used to meet every month as much as we could.. This was a distance relationship. At the beginning, he used to get very angry for small things but he changed a bit after.. Anyways, everything was so perfect; love, gifts, sweet messages... After two months, he came London to propose me and I accepted.. He had 2 nieces that hated me and argued with him to leave me.. He ended up not talking to them because it was stupid of them to say this.. And at one point I decided to quit everything in London and moved back to France with my family after 8 months of relationships.. From there, everything messed up... He changed so suddenly, he started being rude, negligent, moody... We have a really rich/strict culture as we are from Asia, therefore when it comes to marriage, its serious. His family started calling me and my family, to come and speak about marriage. But my family found this quite quick and they were mainly worried about me because I had no career. I was about to go uni to do a degree and they got really scared that this will distract me from studies.. So its true, that my family sort off backed off but spoke to them saying, they can get married as soon as I finish my degree. His family wanted him to get married quick because he was old, etc... But during all this families talking, he let me down so much, he never supported me, he took their side.. His uncle used to call me and pressure me and ended up insulting my mum... My bf didnt do anything.. His mum talks to me all the time, and she said to me that I should be patient and what her son want is someone that goes by his way all the time, we should never refuse. his parents are scared of him, and dont talk to him much as his little brothers. And after this, his dad got operated and found out that he had cancer...This was a shocking news for everyone.. I was literally going hospital with my bf everyday after uni to see his dad... he then started lying to me about stupid things, and I confronted him... I guess I shouldnt, have... He also broke a promise which was not to buy a motorbike because I hated it and he promised. He lied to me on valentines day and went there to buy it cos his friend bought it. Since then, every time I used to confront him he started beating me up, it went from slaps, to kicks, to pushing and to throwing hot water at my face. One day my mum found out what I was going through, and she called him saying that he had no rights doing this... Since then, everything fell apart. I forgot to mention, he is a controlling, jealousy, maniopulating possesive person, he doesnt wanr my good and I know it.. But I love him, I have no one here in Paris apart from my mum therefore I hang onto him... He insulted my mum, he threats me, he threats ùy mum, he asked me to choose me between my mum and himself, he insults me, doesnt respect me, he says im and all, that i am spoling his life etc.. he doesnt like no one from my famly or friends, he doesnt like me going out, speaking to anyone. he wants me to be under his feet and hes got so much pride.... His family is still pressurising me to marry him, in a way I want to it sounds stupid I know... He admitted to me that he beated up his mother and I understood why his parents were so scared of him... Help Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 WHY would you even associate with anyone like this?? OP, you seriously need to re-read all the above parts in bold and then ask yourself WHY on earth you would even be with a guy like this. It is almost impossible to believe, it's so bad. Link to comment
Peace09 Posted August 16, 2014 Author Share Posted August 16, 2014 Thank you for replying... I seriousy dont know why, I want to leave him. Everytime I do, eh comes back and say you wont get anyone, no ione will love you like me, you will regret you will end alone bla bla.. Or threats coming and then i fall back into his arms, hes nice to me for half a day and then goes back to the same. I seriously dont know why I stay with him, but I have no one here..... Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 OP, please show him that you have self-respect by telling him you will NOT be treated like garbage and be so disrespected. Then walk out and leave and NEVER look back. It doesn't matter what he says or thinks. YOU have to show him you refuse to be treated like dirt. If you don't like the way he treats you, then walk out. If you intend staying with him, then you can't complain. Choice is yours. Link to comment
Peace09 Posted August 16, 2014 Author Share Posted August 16, 2014 Yes, this is exactly what my mum says.. but the simple question I wanna know is why doing all this to me? I will leave him, I now that there is nothing left... I jsut convince myself each day that he loves me but no... Thank you so much, it's really hard for me.... Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 but the simple question I wanna know is why doing all this to me? .. Because you allow him to treat you this way. As long as you keep staying and putting up with all the disrespect and abuse, he will continue doing it. It's because he can. It's because you allow him to. Like I said before, SHOW him you have more self-respect for yourself by walking out and never ever going back to him. Choice is yours. You have all the power and control in YOUR hands. Link to comment
Peace09 Posted August 16, 2014 Author Share Posted August 16, 2014 Yes, he knows and his family.. As my mum said, they know they wont find a girl that will tolerate as much as me so they wont us to get married quick and move away. I will leave him, even though it kills me so much.. Thank you so much, now I can see that I am not crazy as he says and what he is doing is really wrong.. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 I will leave him, even though it kills me so much... Just keep reading your words below. Read it over and over again. It should then be easy enough to leave such an abusive person. He should be locked up and in gaol. " * At the beginning, he used to get very angry for small things * he started being rude, negligent, moody... * His uncle used to call me and pressure me and ended up insulting my mum... * he then started lying to me about stupid things, He also broke a promise He lied to me on valentines day * he started beating me up, it went from slaps, to kicks, to pushing and to throwing hot water at my face. I forgot to mention, he is a controlling, jealousy, maniopulating possesive person, he doesnt wanr my good and I know it.. * He insulted my mum, he threats me, he threats ùy mum, he insults me, doesnt respect me, he says im and all, that i am spoling his life etc.. he doesnt like no one from my famly or friends, he doesnt like me going out, speaking to anyone. he wants me to be under his feet and hes got so much pride.... * He admitted to me that he beated up his mother" Link to comment
greta96 Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 All sociopaths, controlling men, abusive men, they all say this same thing: " you'll never find someone to give you the time of day", "you'll end up alone", "nobody will love you and take care of you like I do", etc. These are their ways to reel you in and keep you under their control, and this is exactly the tactics they use to kill your self esteem, to make a rag out of you, to brainwash you and give them full control over you. They are also fake, they are just words that hold no water. Because, if you gather the courage to leave them, you WILL find someone else (much better, a normal person), you will NOT end up alone, and you WILL be loved and cared for - the right way. All you need to do is make up your mind to leave him, and then do it. These kind of sick people have a way of instilling so much fear in their victims, and wipe out their common sense, that the victims (you, in this case) come to confuse real love with unhealthy codependency towards their aggressor, and they are more afraid of leaving and freeing themselves than staying and risk being beaten up and killed. He doesn't love you, in the real sense of the word. He gets aroused by manipulating you, by hurting you, and by exercising his physical and mental power over you day in and day out, it gives him a sense of accomplishment, He is a sick person and as long as you stay, you'll be miserable, if not dead. But nobody can make you leave him, it's all within you. You have to make up your mind that enough is enough, and take action. Nobody can do it for you. Do you want him to hurt your mom? Do you want him to hurt you? If the answer is no, then there is only one thing to do - leave. You don't love him either, you are codependent and *think* you love him. Your life will be so much better without him, you have no idea. Give yourself a chance to happiness, and protect yourself and your family from harm in the name of "love"! Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Thank you for replying... I seriousy dont know why, I want to leave him. Everytime I do, eh comes back and say you wont get anyone, no ione will love you like me, you will regret you will end alone bla bla.. Or threats coming and then i fall back into his arms, hes nice to me for half a day and then goes back to the same. I seriously dont know why I stay with him, but I have no one here..... He is manipulative & controlling. He's full of ****. I hope you'll learn better than his crap. WHY let him win in this? He's seriously sick, to act like this. What YOU have to do it PROVE it to him your way. Say you are leaving, from his 'grasp' and just do it! At that point you get away from him & stay away. Get your own life back again, workon healing for a while, get yourself back to good.. then look at moving on. What he is doing is being pathetic. Link to comment
Peace09 Posted August 17, 2014 Author Share Posted August 17, 2014 I know that, everyone told me this.. but the hardest thing for me is to have the coruage to leave him.. I have to anyways.. We had so much stuff planned for the future and it all goes... that's hard.. Thank you Link to comment
Peace09 Posted August 17, 2014 Author Share Posted August 17, 2014 Yes, I have to move on, go out 'cos literally I am going crazy. I am working getting home and crying.. I just need to have a social life, cos I dont have one.. Thank you Link to comment
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