could use some advice from someone

[pinkflower12]

My boyfriend and i have been living together for a year now, however, a year ago when we moved in together he was different. and friend and i went to the nail salon and my boyfriend tagged along. well there was a very bootylicious girl there, and she was black. while there he was in the bathroom for a very long time, i was wierded out but whatever. later on that night i found he had been looking at "ebony" porn and I was just appauled because he wsn't the type to do that, for one and two, i didn't know he was into a certain type. there was text that was highlighted and ebony was one of them.i didn't know what that was at the time. he eventually, after a lot of fighting had told me he did it out of anger and it had nothing to with the girl there. well i found out what ebony is now and i still think its because of her. its a year later i'm not sure if this is okay with me because my ideal patner does not do that kind of thing, lie and watch porn because a random girl is attractive. its not okay with me, and i'm really grossed out, i don't wanna look at him even. I don't know if i should bring it up because i think it will cause a fight but i think i should a least know the truth then i can determine if he still should be in the picture. HELP?!

[ThatwasThen]

You're hanging onto that still after a whole year. Have you been punishing him all this time with passive aggressive behaviours too?

 

Here's is something to consider. If after all this time, him (likely) having a private moment while looking at someone different then his partner is going to affect you so negatively then you're in for a heap of serial monogamous relationships because MANY (most?) men will look at someone different in looks then who they can see in person. It's called variety in visual stimulation.

 

Do him a favour and let him go from being emotionally punished by you because of YOUR insecurities. Find a man that does not view porn and I wish you good luck.

 

You may want to work on your own insecurities so that you don't worry about such things because frankly, I do think you're going to look long and hard for someone that never looks at another woman. You see, when you're happy in your own skin, when you know that you are the prize and that looking at other women isn't something to fear as long as he's not acting on any thoughts he may have, then you will be angst free while you "Z-snap" your fine self through life.

 

If you "can't look at him" then he's with the wrong woman and he deserves to have the opportunity to be with someone that can.

[t1lersm0m1]

You said it yourself, you don't want to be with a guy who looks at porn. So I think this relationship is not right for you.

 

Agree with what ThatWasThen said!

[IAmFCA]

You said it yourself, you don't want to be with a guy who looks at porn. So I think this relationship is not right for you.

 

Agree with what ThatWasThen said!

 

Since you know this already, why are you writing? And then this thought hit me:

 

You do no tneed us to validate your idea of your bf and porn. Some people embrace it, others tolerate it, others reject it. The only opinion that matters is yours, and after all this time, and given the depth of your reaction, it would seem your opinion is firmly rooted.

 

This issue would seem large enough on its own as to make you incompatible.

 

This is only relevant if you think you can trust, understand, and let go of your desire to control, your bf's interest in porn: It might help you to understand what porn is to your bf. If one masturbates using one's private imagination, or one masturbates using porn, is there a difference?

[SooSad33]

You do realize there are TONNES out there who watch porn, right?

That he's not the first or the last. So, good luck with finding a guy who doesn't..

 

I feel this is YOUR issue to deal with. What they 'look at', has nothing to do with their partners. It's usually a simple thrill/turn on/curiosity thing.