Trying to get over the obsession of the break up

[sailsup555]

i found myself still so obsessed with my breakup...and its been 6 months. i know i should move on and im trying to move on but my brain always trickles back to it. i am finally over the guilt aspect of it mainly because i actually broke NC and apologized for my part. i found it hard to stay angry at him so even though im going out and trying to meet people hes always in the back of my mind and i find myself just hoping he'll be the one to come back. I know he doesnt want to see me or he would see me but then i can trick myself into basically making excuses for it. The only good thing is most people dont realize how torn up i am, i can hide it somewhat well when in public. i probably should never have even apologized to him because it ended up giving me false hope which i wasnt even looking for and was surprised when he said we can talk about it, now its brought me back into a feeling of limbo with him basically just waiting for the shoe to drop and either ill get fed up with empty words from him or actually see him but then what...it will just go back to the same with him not seeing me which was part of the break up in first place. i have changed the part where i know i went wrong in the relationship but i highly doubt that he has. From what i hear he is just off having fun while im sitting here obsessing over him. i dont know if this is something that therapy would help? or if it will just go away? im no longer sad all the time im definitely feeling happier i think maybe just lonely and exasperated

[autumnsun]

You post a thread a day, it seems. You don't actively try to find anything else to take your mind off of this guy. You keep making all of the choices you think will make you feel better, only to have them set you back.

 

You should have been in therapy a few months ago when you discovered you couldn't get beyond this obsession. You need to constructively journal and get your feelings out in a healthy manner to even begin to ATTEMPT to move on. I haven't seen any evidence of you really trying to move on yet.

[mhowe]

It doesn't go away by itself. After 6 months, you really haven't moved forward, so I would consider therapy.

[butterflyburn]

Oh dear nothing happens without effort. You need to move to the action phase to encourage your healing dear

 

 

A luta continua

[No1]

How much are you really 'trying'? I dont think that you have accepted that the relationship is over and you are hanging on. Past thoughts no matter how much they hurt you is a comforting feeling. You believe it brings you closer to your X. He is gone, he is not coming back and the sooner you realize that fact you will begin to get over the break up.

The title of your post says "trying" but you say that you are waiting. The Heal fairy is not going to come to your door, you have to help your heart by doing things to help yourself move forward. Seems like you are so concerned about your X, what he thinks that you have neglected what you care or think.

Im going to say that you probably still have items, emails, texts and even his phone number still on your phone. If you have any of those items, its not going to help you move on. Let go of the relationship, let go of him, let go of the items you have, let go of the guilt and sadness and go work on your own happiness

[Edmund Exley]

You post a thread a day, it seems. You don't actively try to find anything else to take your mind off of this guy. You keep making all of the choices you think will make you feel better, only to have them set you back.

 

This is a good point. I often tell people that sometimes you need to vamoose form here for a bit and stop focusing on the breakup.

[t1lersm0m1]

When did you email him? STOP THAT! Why did you email him? You need to stick to NC. And do not consider taking him up on the offer of meeting up to chat.

 

Yes, if it's six months and you haven't moved forward at all then find therapy that will help. It can be some type of group grief counseling, or one on one therapy, but you need something.