Very first experience at age 24. What on earth do I do now?

[blueidealist24]

Every trustworthy person I ask from friends that are clearly good at this to the neighbors whose kids I watch say wait til were in the same place Wednesday night to contact again.

 

I would agree with them, given all that you've said. Btw, I'm 27 lol.

[faraday]

Maybe it depends on how much in demand she is. When I'm single, I meet 2-4 guys a week. The ones that call and I'm not interested in, I end things with. The ones that call and I like them...well, I accept their offers for dates and I keep seeing them until I narrow things down. If a guy that I liked didn't call...or waited to call...he would get back burnered (yeah I make words) if I didn't forget about him...but I drop the ones that show lack of interest if I meet someone else with more potential.

 

I live by the mantra, "Never make someone a priority if they only consider you an option." So...whatever happens, if she shows lack of interest, find someone else. "Action expresses priority."

[jjkk]

Yep, exactly, faraday!

[Iggles]

If a guy that I liked didn't call...or waited to call...he would get back burnered (yeah I make words) if I didn't forget about him...but I drop the ones that show lack of interest if I meet someone else with more potential.

 

This is key.

 

OP, this is how a woman with options narrow downs potentials when dating. Lack of interest, mild interest, or flakiness will hurt your odds of being considered a guy worthy of her time.

[BHarris]

This is key.

 

OP, this is how a woman with options narrow downs potentials when dating. Lack of interest, mild interest, or flakiness will hurt your odds of being considered a guy worthy of her time.

 

I thought I conveyed my interest that night. I keep getting told to give her space. I don't wanna seem needy

[BHarris]

Plus she hasn't un RSVP'd to my birthday this Friday.

[jjkk]

I thought I conveyed my interest that night. I keep getting told to give her space. I don't wanna seem needy

 

Letting her know you're interested isn't needy. There's a huge difference. Allowing people space is important, too. I still don't see how a text or phone call today or tomorrow would come off as needy or not giving her space. As I stated before, texting her all day every day and asking her out on a date every night comes off as overbearing and needy. A few texts throughout the day and plans for a date on the weekend show interest, not neediness.

 

I agree, you showed interest that night but then she doesn't hear from you for 4 days? It comes off as a mixed signal or only slightly interested, imo.

 

The bottom line, no matter what you do, everything will be OK. No need to make yourself crazy overthinking everything.

 

When you tune everyone out and don't worry about being needy or playing games or seeming awkward or whatever, what makes YOU most comfortable in this situation?

[BHarris]

I wanna txt her tomorrow so bad, but I have so much conflicting advice. I texted her yesterday, but not not at all today. What time should I text her? What should I say

[faraday]

Stop overthinking and be yourself. Perhaps start with "hi" and at do it at a time when it's convenient for you.

[Capricorn3]

I agree, you showed interest that night but then she doesn't hear from you for 4 days? It comes off as a mixed signal or only slightly interested, imo.

^ THIS.

 

OP: you really do over think and over analyze way way too much. To save yourself from so much stress, just go with your gut feeling. If you want to text her, then text her. If you want to call, then call. You'll drive yourself insane and eventually your insecurity will show outwardly and backfire on you. Be confident. Go with your gut instinct.

[BHarris]

^ THIS.

 

OP: you really do over think and over analyze way way too much. To save yourself from so much stress, just go with your gut feeling. If you want to text her, then text her. If you want to call, then call. You'll drive yourself insane and eventually your insecurity will show outwardly and backfire on you. Be confident. Go with your gut instinct.

 

Updates, I finally worked up the nerve to ask how her day was and she said ty. I asked why and she opened up about her ex having his baby today. I said she was too good to be dwelling on it. Did I screw up. I said all this without input. This came from me caring more about her well being than what she thinks of me

[jjkk]

No you didn't screw up. How do you feel about how the conversation went?

[faraday]

You did fine. Listen, all you can be is yourself. If she doesn't like you, she's not right for you. If you have to pretend to be someone else or play games, they aren't really dating YOU, right?

 

Have you figured out what you want to invite her to as a date?

[BHarris]

You did fine. Listen, all you can be is yourself. If she doesn't like you, she's not right for you. If you have to pretend to be someone else or play games, they aren't really dating YOU, right?

 

Have you figured out what you want to invite her to as a date?

 

Not yet. I texted her today and asked if she was ok. She said she'll get over it and I replied you'll get through this. Not sure what to do next. I want to balance giving her space with being there. If she's not ready yet cuz of this hardship, I don't want to push her. I just wanna help any way I can until she's ready, as the title of this thread implies, I'm quite patient. On the other hand, I don't want her to think I'm not interested.

[BHarris]

Last night I asked her if she wanted to grab coffee or a late snack to get her mind off of it. She said she was in bed already which even I didn't overthink. It was after mid night

[blueidealist24]

Last night I asked her if she wanted to grab coffee or a late snack to get her mind off of it. She said she was in bed already which even I didn't overthink. It was after mid night

 

Yeah, if it was that late, I don't think that was an excuse.

[BHarris]

Well big updates. We finally talked about what happened after I messaged her and said "I'm not sure what you call what happened Thursday night but don't worry about anybody we know hearing rumors or me acting in a way that made anybody suspicious." I also said said there's no pressure and I won't be crazy upset if it ends up being a one time thing and that I had a great time. She responded that she's been interested in somebody for a while (about a month and its clearly one-sided) and thanked me for my pledge. I asked her very non-judgmentally why she didn't tell me there was an interest before we started and she said "I don't know I just didn't and I don't know what's going on with him" (her current interest). I invited her out for drinks as friends for my birthday in 2 days which she quickly accepted. After we said cool see you then, a couple hours went by and she began messaging me alot about random issues in her life and as that was happening her basement started flooding while she wasn't home and the roads needed a truck to get thru. She asked me if I could pick her up and I did. The flooding was so bad it took over 2 hours to get 10 miles. We spent the whole time talking about other stuff. The ex she broke up with over a year ago spammed facebook with his 24 hour old baby and she said she didnt know why it bothered her cuz she broke up with him and he was an a hole. I suggested she stop second guessing her decisions and not to be facebook friends with somebody like that (she told me alot about the terrible things he did) and that she didnt need the negativity. She started saying how nothing in her life was going right and I said theres no such thing as normal and focus on passing her wisdom on to her little cousin and that sometimes the only way to be happy is to help others be happy and do nice things for this little cousin. After a while she cheered up and we sang and talked more and had a nice time stuck in a flood. As we got close to her house she said she was dreading seeing everything ruined and that she would be crying herself to sleep like the night before and the one before that. After singing for a few more minutes I said "lets make a deal" and she said whats that. I said it requires you be on the honor system, but if you promise not to cry tonight, you dont have to give me gas money. (she offered when I got there and I said we'll worry about it later.) I got her home where she lead me down to her room and we surveyed the damage. after a bit of consoling and meeting the older cousin she lives with and his wife, I headed home. An hour later she called to make sure I got home safe and I said your not crying right? promise? she stayed on the phone talking for about 10 or so minutes and had to resume damage control. The people in my life that are giving me advice are saying this will be a marathon, not a sprint and my patients will come in handy. And they all say "dont get friend zoned, you're about half way there so be careful."