I am having negative thoughts about her and I hate it!

[Jeffie]

Thinking about my recent posts, and what has been going on in my head recently I dont know what to do. I love my girlfriend, but lately I have been having feelings towards her that I hate to have. All my posts recently have been about things she does that bugs me, most of the time they are not big deals, or even her fault. and I hate that I let them fester in my mind until I have blown it way out of proportion.

 

For example, I usually take her out to lunch on her lunch break, I have taken her out every day this week. so this morning about 2 hours before I called and left her a message asking if she wanted to go out. an hour before I sent her a text message asking if we were on for lunch, about 20 min before her lunch I left to go down there (I usually do this), and tried calling again. I sat in the parking lot waiting for her to call me (i thought she might have patients and probably be late, it isnt like her not to respond) so about 20 after her lunch break started she called me saying she just got my messages, and that she is going out with some girls from work. she also said sorry, but there wasnt anything she could do about it. this I understand, but for somereason I this bugged me, so I drove home. and she just called me to talk, and then had to go, then called back again, the conversation went no where and when we hung up I didnt even say good bye

 

why am I being like this, I hate looking back and seeing the way I am treating her.

 

you comments are much appreciated, thank you!

 

-Jeff

[Iceman26]

Did you have concrete plans to have lunch with her?

[Day_Walker]

It doesnt sound like the problem is with your gf, you need to stop being so impulsive. If she didnt respond to any of your messages then why would go down there anyway? Even if it is normal behavior, she still didnt return your messages so there was no reason for you to meet her for lunch. This is one of those things that you just have to let go because its not her fault she didnt get your messages on time when infact it is your fault for sitting and waiting for her. If you want to continue this kind of behavior then the only person you can get mad at is yourself.

[Prosper]

Hi Pal,

I sense guilt in you. Are u sure u are going for a sole lunchie with her? Not spot check or something like that?

 

I have one quote for u,

 

To lessen a hurt of a person u caused, u help her to heal, instead of compensating.

 

U dun have to have lunch with her, to make urself feel good, instead of her. U shld HELP her by letting her do the things she wants and get back to u, 20 mins later, if thats the case u have to wait. For this is healing.

 

U have very bad patience, 20 minutes is nothing to waiting for a bus or a cab sometimes. Think about that..

[Jeffie]

i relize all these comments. I know i am the one at fault, i just hate myself for becoming irritated at her for it. I know she has no controll over the situation. This has only started lately and I dont know why, thinking back I can see how truly stupid and immature I am acting. I just wish I would be less irratable with her.

[Iceman26]

Did you have concrete plans with her for lunch or not?

[Jeffie]

No we didnt have concrete plans to go to lunch. she likes little surprises. This is what I was planning, just be down there, whne she called i would tell her i will be there in a litte bit, and then walk in a few seconds later

[justagirl20f]

Was a nice plan... Didn't work out, so suck it up and try again. She isn't doing anything wrong (which it seems you know) so try and be a bit more respectful towards yourself.

 

This sort of thing happens with women all the time, they get mad at a guy when he "makes her wait by the phone all night"... No one can MAKE you wait. No one made you go down there, no one made you cancel whatever else you would have done for yourself, and she has absolutely no reason whatsoever to apologize to you for anything.

 

Trust me this girl is going to get tired of this very quickly if you aren't careful. What are you asking for help with? The answer is pretty simple, don't assume you have plans until you actually have plans that BOTH people are aware of. If you take the chance of surprising her, thats very sweet but you're taking the chance of spending time eating lunch on your own because she made other plans.

 

Good luck and take care.

 

Edited to add:

 

You were also asking in general terms how to change your thoughts on this girl. Sorry to say, if you have to put so much effort into even LIKING her most of the time, you don't love her. I know if I were her I'd rather be without you and be with someone that loves everything about me including the imperfections. If you're as miserable as you seem to be with her, try finding someone who doesn't rub you the wrong way. Some people are just incompatable. Good luck!