Hurt is turning into anger

[fed up]

He's 47 years old and now I have his sister sending me texts asking me to please give him space - he owes me $1250.00 - we are coming up on a month and haven't seen a dime. I know he will pay - eventually - but I was only texting asking for my money. I want to move on and now have this hanging - guess I have to be the bigger person and wait. And forgive him. Is this normal? I know anger will eat me up. And I loved him enough that I can forgive him. But the manipulation - making him the victim all the time - really gets to me!! Time to breathe...and let this go...and wait for some money to start dribbling in.

[mg22]

Did you lend him the money??

[fed up]

yes. while we were still together. there was a verbal agreement, followed by a written agreement. I know he will pay...but I am hurt about the whole relationship falling apart. I know this runs deeper than the money. It's hard to be objective about emotional issues. But I have to remain objective and unemotional at this point.

[mg22]

yes. while we were still together. there was a verbal agreement, followed by a written agreement. I know he will pay...but I am hurt about the whole relationship falling apart. I know this runs deeper than the money. It's hard to be objective about emotional issues. But I have to remain objective and unemotional at this point.

 

Be patient , i do hope he pays you back. I would cut him off once he does.

[fed up]

thank you. Yes, I will. Patience is not my strength. Time to work on it. I guess everything is a gift.

[Destroyed 33]

I dont know if this is a good idea or not but why not use the sister as a middle man to get it hashed out? Payment plan? Something like that. I hit my first little streak of anger at about the 5 week mark. I just lost it and started throwing things, slamming doors, seeing RED. Could have been worse but I had my first little temper tantrum. Then if I remember correctly it kind of lasted a while for a few days and I eventually started to cry like a baby for a few minutes which kind of came out of nowhere and I felt relief which eventually transitioned back into a lighter depression... The whole thing is crazy. Good luck. We are all in this together!

[fed up]

I dont know if this is a good idea or not but why not use the sister as a middle man to get it hashed out? Payment plan? Something like that. I hit my first little streak of anger at about the 5 week mark. I just lost it and started throwing things, slamming doors, seeing RED. Could have been worse but I had my first little temper tantrum. Then if I remember correctly it kind of lasted a while for a few days and I eventually started to cry like a baby for a few minutes which kind of came out of nowhere and I felt relief which eventually transitioned back into a lighter depression... The whole thing is crazy. Good luck. We are all in this together!

 

 

The sister intervened on his behalf and assured me he will pay, but asking me to leave him alone because he is going nuts Obviously I've been pestering him because I wanted to get a response...that's the deep honest truth. I'm angry that he couldn't be the man he kept promising he was. I feel so hurt. Hurt = anger for me I guess. Yes, we are all in this together. I was the Dumper because I saw his behaviour was just nuts but it still hurts. Broken dreams.

[kitkat620]

You could wait or you could pester but in all actuality nothing will sway him one way or another. He will pay you when and if he wants to pay you.

 

Case in point: My ex and I have been apart for close to 4 years and I have yet to see a dime of what he had owed me (honestly, I totally lost track of the amount). I say 'had' because I have written it off (as an expensive lesson) a long, long, time ago.

[YouCanDeleteThisAccount]

The longer you let him wait, the more he'll get used to the idea of not paying it back. You need to keep it friendly, but ask him when he's going to pay it or if he needs to pay in part over time. I lent $700 to my best friend and let him take as much time as he needed to pay it back, and now he doesn't even remember he owes it. He's still my best friend and I will never ask about it again, but in your situation, the longer you let him go stagnant, the less likely you'll ever see the money.

 

Money is tough. It makes people ugly, and you're in a very difficult predicament. First I would assume and get used to the idea you'll never see the money. Once you do that, you'll be able to do the only thing you can do and ask for it back in a friendly way. If you never get it, you already assumed he wasn't going to be a man of his word.

[fed up]

I will get the money back. We have a payment plan in place. I know he as some pride and he will want to save face. If he did not, I will pursue it in small claims court and I have a couple more resources in my favor.

But your right James DE that's why I was pestering him...to keep in fresh in his mind. He has a very low stress threshold, and he is in a pickle legally which is why I lent him the money to begin with. I have some compassion left in my heart but like I told him today, I am not going to roll over and let this slide out of guilt or manipulation. Thanks for the support everyone

[HeartGoesOn]

I have to ask,since you have a "payment plan in place," why were you contacting him asking for your money? This is not meant to sound harsh, I'm just a bit confused.

 

BTW, I would tell his sister to "butt out."

[fed up]

because there was supposed to be a payment already...(yesterday) so I have been following up. With the sister, I am starting to see she is a manipulative b***h and next time I will tell her to butt out.

[Capricorn3]

I actually think it would be a good idea to give space at this point because (as I see it), it seems the more you obsess and hound him and can't let go in general, the more you it pushes him away and makes him run even faster. Basically, what you are doing is counter-productive. You BOTH need space. Clear your heads. Calm down. Catch your breath etc. Once the waters have calmed down, then approach. You seem a little obsessed and it's not going to work.

[fed up]

I know..thanks.. I will give space. I still care about him and am not trying to be hurtful. But I also want my money...LOL

[Capricorn3]

I know..thanks.. I will give space. I still care about him and am not trying to be hurtful. But I also want my money...LOL

I understand you want your money back (rightly so), but I think, at this point, pushing and pushing and not letting up will have the opposite effect to the extent that you will NEVER see your money again. Sometimes, backing off, just a step or two, is the right way to go. Also, you mentioned several times that he as assured you he will give the money back. Give it a little time - both of you are way too angry at this point to be reasonable about anything.

[fed up]

his treatment of me towards the end was the straw that broke the camel's back....and the thought of him having my money tied up makes my blood boil. and then getting his 50 year old sister involved.....ugh

[catfeeder]

Since you already know you can file a small claim, I'd pipe down before ex and sis turn legal on you for harassment.

 

Calling him won't make the money materialize if he doesn't have it.

[fed up]

true, although my texts would hardly justify harassment, but best to be careful...patience....

[catfeeder]

true, although my texts would hardly justify harassment, but best to be careful...patience....

 

Yes, be careful because the technicalities don't matter. Anyone can file a complaint, and if they can show that they've asked you to stop but you continue, that's a wildcard you don't need.

 

Take small claims action if you feel the need to poke them. That's 'following the law' without getting yourself in hot water.

 

Fingers crossed for you.

[fed up]

thank you catfeeder. I know he is likely capable of that because he has a very low stress threshold....I am definitely going to stop poking him and have accepted that the relationship is over. I was being a little psycho ex-girlfriend because in the past he seemed to want to be "chased" back (probably fed his ego?) into the relationship. I am done playing games and will deal with this in a mature fashion. I agreed to Friday for first payment so I will wait until Friday. The only problem is I will be away for 3 weeks on holidays but he doesn't need to know that - and he said he will be making payments thru e-transfers so that should work out no problem. Ironically, I still miss him a lot. Because I still care about him I will avoid small claims court, unless it becomes a final measure. Thanks for the support everyone.