Will she come back? GF 7 Years, Split 7 months ago.

[cd1011607306450]

I posted a message a few months ago and got some good advice. Now I could do with some more. As I mentioned in my previous post I was with my ex GF for 7 years and 7 months ago she left me. Now she has met someone else. I have also met a lovely girl but I don’t love her and I cant get my ex GF out of my head. I know she is the one true love. I know I will carry her in my heart for as long as I live. We were each other’s first love and had such a wonderful relationship. We were so good together. Over the last few months of our relationship we did argue a bit and did split up for a week but things were still good and we shared some wonderful and intimate moments right until the end. For the last few months we were both under a lot of pressure at work, especially me and it did put a strain on our relationship. She left me the morning we were to go away on a romantic weekend and never gave me a second chance to put things right. Within about 2 months she had met someone else and now they are together. I miss her and constantly think about her. I was very down and upset, but I started meeting other women and I felt good about myself, although this did not take away the hurt and longing to be with her.

 

I tried so hard over the last few months righting wonderful deep letters and pouring my heart out to her. I even told her I wanted to marry her. It made no difference. She would not come back. She used every excuse in the book to say things wouldn’t work. I asked her if meeting me stirred up any feelings and she said it did not saying she did not love me. I think she did this to condone dumping me and her new relationship. She was such a wonderful caring and loving girl. The nicest girl you could have met and her behaviour since we spilt is just not like her. I believed in our relationship and in her. I believed that if you loved someone the way we did then you would miss the other, be reminded by little things and memories and you could not block out the feelings. She seems to have successfully done this.

 

I recently visited her brother and his wife as they are expecting a baby and they welcomed me saying how it was unbelievable that we did not get back together. I told them I had met someone but I missed my ex and wished she would come back. They said that she had changed and that her family did not like her new boyfriend and her parents were arguing with her about him and how she has changed. Two days later I got an SMS from her thanking me for the present I gave her brother for their baby and asking me how I was. She was so nice. I replied saying I was well and to call soon and she replied saying she would. Her family not liking the new man would be a big thing for my ex. Her family loved me. Perhaps things are not as perfect as she thought they would be.

 

I still miss and love the girl. I have realised that despite other women I have met all I want is her. She is so beautyful and such a nice person. I did at times take her for granted and thought she would never leave me. I never knew the pain of loosing the one you love. I know if we are meant to be then she will come back. If she realises that life is not perfect and that people do argue and irritate each other and if things are not perfect with her new man then she may realise what a good man and friend I was and come back. It seems that she blocked all this out and it has worked, allowing her to forget me. I don’t know how she could forget so quickly and so easily after 7 years of being with someone. She said she loved me 1 week before we split and things were great. I just don’t understand how she could do it. I never truly hurt her and I was always considerate to her.

 

I am desperate to win this girl back. I believed I her and always hoped she would come back and after 7 months it did not happen. I suppose I still do. I would do anything to get her back. I will probably call by and see her soon to give her a wonderful piece of furniture I made for the apartment she is about to buy before we split. I would like to ask her if she is truly happy the way we were and if she wants to come back then I will welcome her back as I don’t love the girl I am now seeing, which is true things are not serious and we have only been going out for a few weeks. I love my ex and want to spend the rest of my life with her. Is there anything I can say or do to achieve this? Do people come back? Please give me some advice.

 

CD101 from London, England.

[mjones.uk]

Hi CD101,

 

I'm really sorry to hear about what you're going through mate, mainly because my story virtually mirrors yours, its so similar it could be mine infact!

 

I was with my ex almost the same amount of time (8 years it would have been this April), and I thought we had a great relationship until she left me 3 days before Xmas and I haven't seen or heard from her since.

 

She was just the way you described your ex - loving, caring, she really doesn't have a bad bone in her body, she has a lovely personality. I know its said that we put our exes on a pedestal, but I can truthfully say she really was like this! And doesn't that make it all the more harder..

 

I know I made some mistakes and it hurts all the more to know that I'll never be able to make up forn them now. I too have been getting interest from other women, but like you I am just not interested in anyone except her. I don't know if she's got anyone else, but I imagine so.

 

What can we do mate? Well, nothing, except keep accepting it each day and getting on with our lives. We can't live our lives for them and decide whats best or not, for them, so we have to just do what they wish. We don't control anyone but ourselves, so its ourselves we need to concentrate on now.

 

Not letting go can stop us healing, but you can't force yourself to let go. It will happen when it happens, there is no set tiome or date. We will wake up one day and realise life really is alright without them, and that other girls really could show us the love we once experienced.

 

We cannot force this time to happen, we must try to accept what is, take it each day as it comes until we either find another love, or their love finds its way back to us - we cannot predict the outcome either way.

 

I tell myself that real love isn't selfish. So, if she is truly happy the way things are now, then I am happy for her. After all, thats what we want for our loved ones isn't it? If I put my selfish needs to one side and look at the big picture, then I have no right to interfere with whatever her life holds for her now, I just wish her the best.

 

And maybe thats the best way. Just let it be, accept that you have no control over the situation and hand control back to the universe. Whatever is meant to be, will be.

 

And I probably shouldn't say this, but a friend of mine is now married to his high school sweetheart. They split up for 2 years before finding each other again, and he said thst if they hadn't split up they probably wouldn't be together now... 'If its meant to be it will be'

[lilwisegurl]

Dear Sir,

 

I may only b a kid, but i am a smart 1... my advice is to call her occasionally, but dont over do it.... u seem like a smart man, and if she doesnt come back to u, it is her loss... now i no that u luv her... but every once and a while, u have to give your self a break... go out... and enjoy your self... without worrying about her, in the end, things will work out... things may look bad now... but trust me... they will... love isnt a 1 way thing, u cant just love some1 and not have them luv u back, to call it love, the other person must love you back... and mayb ur x does love u, but is to afraid to tell u... it may seem easy to tell... but it is harder than it seems to admit, especially after she left u.... also.... dont question nher authorities, she had her reasons to leave u, dont go asking her wat it is... figure it out... and if u dont... then just call her... or go ^ to her and say "for whatever troubled you... and made u leave me... i am sorry, i want u in my life more than anything, and if we need a little break, than i am fine with that, but i will always luv u, and when ever u decide to come back to me, if u ever do, i will b willing to try to make our relationship work."...

 

 

AND THAT IS MY ADVICE!... good luck to u ... hope thingz wrk out 4 u

 

[disruptors]

Hey cd101,

 

I know it must be hard to be going through this, but you must realize that after 7 months that there is probably no chance for now. You know what they say in life, "whenever you expect something, it will never come, but when you don't, it'll catch you by surprise."

 

I was with the love of my life like you and just broke up a few months ago. I have been seeing other girls and like you my ex has been on my mind constantly. It is normal, but realize that there will be someone else better for you if you havent met them now.

 

 

To really heal and move on like mike jones said, I think you must take it a day at a time, do not rush things. I personally think it is a bad idea to still be in contact with her. Give yourself some space from her, where I mean no contact. Let her see if she really misses you or not. I seriously know how it feels to love them but yet not be able to have them in our arms. Love is a beautful thing, we must learn to deal with it when it isnt here anymore.

 

 

Stay strong, and live your own life that you are capable of. DO NOT let her limit you, such as being with other women. DO NOT constantly compare your ex with other women, it will never work like that. There are millions of women out there, i am sure if you ex wasn't the one, you will find the right women. TRUST ME. DO NOT keep on telling yourself that your ex is the only one for you!

 

stay in touch...best of luck...

[cd1011607306450]

Thank you all for your kind advice, it is appreciated. It is always the case that there are lots of people out there with the same problems as you and sometimes worst.

 

Mjones – it does indeed seem like we are in the same boat and I know only too well how you are feeling. A few days before Christmas is harsh. Perhaps she is just running and scared to contact you. It would be worth trying to contact her even if it is only to find out if she is OK. I kept in minimal contact with my ex and each time she said no to us getting back together. Perhaps things might be different for you if she seen you or heard your voice. I tried and offered her everything. I have no regrets, thinking I wish I had said this or told her that. Write her a letter or an e-mail. Work on it over a few days so you are not clouded by emotions. Tell her how you feel, it might work? Well you have nothing to loose.

 

Wise Guy – you may be a kid as you say but you seem to have a wise head on young shoulders. Ever thought of going into business?

 

Distributors and the rest of you thanks it was very good advice/consolation.

 

I have not been in contact with my ex for 4 months apart from 2 or 3 SMS messages. I have not seen her with her new man but my brother and some of my friends have. Something I am not looking forward to. I will probably contact her in a few weeks/months if I don’t hear anything from her. I have accepted the fact that she is gone and it is doubtful she will come back but I suppose I always have that little bit of hope and belief in her and what we had.

 

I am starting to live for myself and I am going to start doing things for me such as activities, exercise and I think I might go and work/travel abroad, which is something, I always wanted to do. I suppose I always did live for myself but I will do more.

 

Life can be very hard and confusing, but is suppose that is exactly it, life. One thing I learned from all this is that I am still the man I she fell in love with and even better as I was only 19 when I met her and now I am 27, successful and have developed my own great personality that people like me for. My ex got sucked into her work colleagues. She is a teacher. But she is sometimes naïve and I hope she does not get burned. I think she will realise that there is more to life than them. She may even realise the man that I am and that the grass is not always greener and that there is not many nice men like me. I will enjoy my life though I do still miss her. I have a great group of friends and family. Another thing I realised is that the saying plenty more fish in the sea is true. There are lots of women dying to meet a nice man. I will not let her spoil me or my life. If she comes back then maybe we could work it out or I might turn around to her and say thank you, by leaving me you allowed me the opportunity to find the wonderful woman I am with.

 

The girl that I am seeing now is lovely and I will be honest with her if I don’t want things to get really serious. It has been 1.5 months now so it is still very early days. I am just very confused about so many things.

 

Time to look after myself and do the things I want to do and need to do, having fun along the way.

 

Good luck and I hope things work out well for you all. Keep in touch and let me know how things pan out.

 

 

CD101.

[StillLoveHer]

My wife recently left me also.. Guys its hard.. Its even harder for me since we have a 8th month old daughter.. I just sit back and realize that her new 19 year old boyfriend that works at kfc with her won't be able to support her pockets that money burns right through the minute she gets it.. The guy doesn't even have a license.. I made the mistake of telling her how much I love her and that would do anything to get her back.. BIG MISTAKE that opened the door for her to walk all over me, come over when ever she wants money for gas or her van breaks down... bah screw it women arn't worth all this hurt guys.. They are the ones that make the mistakes to leave instead of talk. Make em live with that decision so they can think how much life was better with us instead of some fling they are with now..

[scott]

i'm with mjones all the way - leaving be always seems to be the weakest wettest strategy but can be so powerful and true.

 

I wonder if you can help me - it seems you are both in a place I need advice from. I have started to fall for a girl I used to work with (1 year ago) who has had a boyfriend (the only one ever) for 14 years (half her life). We've met a bit since realising it's mutual, but now I feel there are so many possible variables time iand disconncction is needed. If you've got the time and inclination, could you have a quick peek at the link for me?