HopelessRomntc Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 Hello, first post on this website. - This post will be medium - to - long in length so I hope you like to read. I will structure it in such a way to make it as easy to read and to see my point of view and try to see my ex-girlfriends point of view too. Little bit about me: I am 23 years old, I have two Associate degrees and now I am pursuing a Bacherlor in Public Relations but will be switching it to Bus. Admin and Marketing. I am a personal banker at a medium-sized multi region bank, I have been doing banking for over two years, but will hopefully be working for Chase, Bank of America, or Harris by August or Septebmer. Besides that banking job, i worked at GameStop since 2007 until now (Nowadays I only work black Friday or when they really need me, I pretty much only work at the bank) Why am I telling you about my school and work carreer? I'm not sure, I just like to show that I am dedicated and responsible I guess. Now more about me, I have been in four serious relationships, I have had girlfriends cheat on me, lie to me, treat me like absolute garbage, but at the end of the day I always pick myself up and move one. But I am not going to lie, I have really... REALLY bad "self-issues" -Self Issues: I have a really close friend with a Bachelor in Psychology (now working on Masters) that from just talking to me told me that she suspects I may have slight depression... and honestly, I am not suprised. Sometimes I feel sad, or angry for no reason whatsoever... do keep in mind that I never take it out one people, I tend to just bottle it all in, and honestly, in my opinion there is nothing like cuddling and snuggling, or just a good hug that won't make me feel a lot better. Now, I am not sure if I actually have depression or some type of bi-polar disorder since I haven't gone to the doctor about it, but when it comes to my self-image I can tell you that it is bad... even though I am always surrounded by people that love me and appreciate my company (friends, co workers, customers, random strangers that I help) I always feel lonely and sad when I am single. Even when I go to the gym at least 5 times a week to stay healthy (I am well aware I do not have Channing Tatum's body haha) and I wear really nice suits to work, or really nice clothes when going out with friends, I drive a nice car (paid by me only) I have a good job, great education.... even with all of that, I don't like myself... I tend to feel sad when I think about myself, and I hate the fact that I seem to never get the attention of women, (at least I don't notice it) not even a glance on my direction, or a smile... Now, when it comes to dating... I guess I am slightly picky... I do not like to "settle" but of course, I don't go out only going after girls that look like models. Pretty much my criteria for DATING is: -I need to be physically attracted to her -The less make-up the better -She needs to be nice -Sense of humor -Could I live with her for the rest of my life? And a few other things along those lines... hair, eye, race... that stuff don't matter to me. So when I find someone, and that someone is attracted to me, I tend to fall... and i fall HARD in love with that person... to put it in short, i am a "Hopeless Romantic" I buy flowers, open doors, surprise with treats, I love snuggling and cuddling, and kissing, and of course "getting physical", I always remember anniversaries, and ... like the saying says "it's the little things" and like the CEO of my Bank says "You take a small number and multiply it by a big number... it will equal a big number" which may be why I act on that way. I always give my all in the relationship, and I guess I "expect" it back. Ok, that is a really quick summary of myself... there is more, but I think that is long enough right there... Now moving onto my last relationship... which is the only that I want back (the other three, when it was over... I was glad it was over) Next to my bank there was an electronics store, I went in one day to buy headphones. While talking to my friend there, his female coworker came in, but instead of going to the backroom to drop off her stuff, she went behind the counter and suggested a different set of headphones. My friend got busy and the lady and I kept talking, we both had smiles the size of our entire face and blushing. I ended up buying the headphones and left. Two days later my friend came into my branch and were just talking about his account, then he mentioned to me that the girl thought I was attractive (keep in mind I was on my way to the gym that day, so i was wearing shorts and an old t-shirt, not one of my nice suits) and of course I said that I found her very attractive indeed. So i gave him one of my business cards with my celphone on it for her to have my number. Few minutes later: "Heeeyyyyyyy text message from her, I could not be happier. We talked for a few days, i started saying things like "good night" and "good morning" she seemed to really like that. About 6 days later my friend told me "I gotta be honest with you - I think she may, or may not have a boyfriend... but... I hate the guy, he has this bad aura coming out, and I think they have been in bad terms for a long time, but when he comes into the store, he is just a douche, but I am not sure if they are still together or if they broke up... oh and he is really ugly" (I am not kidding, my friend said that) I just said "well, thanks for letting me know! Her and I kept talking, some coworkers and friends and I always went to go play volleyball, so I decided to invite her. She came with me multiple times, and after dropping her off, she'd text me "did you get home ok/safe?" of course that put a huge smile on my face. -The subject of her boyfriend never came up until... one day (this was about two weeks into knowing her) when I asked if she wanted to go play volleyball she said that she was having a really bad day... her and her boyfriend had broken up "it was his decision, but still..." To what I replied "F**K that guy, you're way too pretty to be sad about someone like that, just come out with me, i'll cheer you up!" - "lol, Okay, sounds good! So her and I kept going out, of course I never brought up the subject of her ex, i really wanted to be super fresh - her not know about my past, and me not ask about hers - just care about the future with each other... but we live in a small suburb of Chicago, people know each other... and out of curiosity i asked a friend about her ex.... His words in verbito: He is ugly... taller than you, but ugly, 19-20 years old, works at McDonnalds and doesn't go to school (High School and that's it)... he is one of those guys that tries to act cool, but he's not" ... So i thought to myself "No competition... at all" I also noticed that when I sent her a friend request on Facebook all traces of his existence disappeared, they're not even friends on FB* Keep this as a side mental note for later. So her and I went out, dinner, lunch, ice cream, parties, went out for walks on the riverwalk, clubs and bars... had an amazing summer, we even kissed one night... it was amazing, it felt so right...words cannot describe it, but i was so nervous, but i had never been this happy to kiss someone before... I then went to Mexico to visit my family and her and I Skyped pretty much every day... We had some amazing conversations, her telling me to be there already, that she misses me, I joked that she like Mexican MEN and she corrected me to say "I only like one" I came back from Mexico and she really wanted to see me, I picked her up from her house around 12 midnight... we went to my place... and well... we had sex. After we were just supper cuddly with each other, but I had work on the morning and so did she, so i took her home... on the drive home i said "well... so what are we" and she responded "well... what are we? -nervious laugh" and I told her that I love the way she made me feel, that everything seemed perfect when she was next to me, that I loved her laugh, and that she was incredibly beautiful.... I also said that someone that amazing... i did not want to share with anyone and she responded "I do not want to share you either" when we got to her house, I walked her to her door, and i said "(her name) I really like you... I like the way you treat me, I like the way you look at me, I love the way you smell, and the way you laugh.... do you want to be my girlfriend?" and of course she said "YES!" (July 16th 2013) Well things were going great, until two weeks in... one of my jealous ex's messaged her on facebook, telling her a bunch about me, things like "watch out for him, he is an a**hole, cheater, malipulative, stay away from him, dont become his next victim" complete lies of course, that ex and I had a bad break up because we were just too different and she was controlling and I don't like being controlled like if I were a puppet. That day my most recent ex and i were texting while we both were at work, and out of nowhere she stopped replying...when i went to pick her up she said "Im not good at talking, so let me just show you this *passed me her phone and i read what is above* She said "if she already has a boyfriend, and y'all broke up over a year ago, why did she send me this" I then explained to her that my ex is corrupt in the head, its one of those "myway or the highway" type of persons... of course keeping it gentlemany, i never bashed at her... she then said that we had only been together for two weeks, and that of course trust hasnt been built up yet... but i calmed her down, and i gave her an extremely rundown of my past (no details) I just said I had been cheated on before multiple times, i hate that feeling and would never want to make someone feel that way, i also told her how women usually play me and treat me like garbage and how that hurt me, but then I assured her that she was the only one i wanted and cared for. Let's count that is "hiccup 1 Few weeks later my parents told me they were going to loose the house and they were moving to Arizona. A friend offered me to move in with him, but he was a complete party animal and has two huge dogs that I just didn't want to live with. My girlfriend then jokingly-but-not suggested us moving together. We considered it, and her mom and i talked about her. I told her mom that I knew it was really soon, but I really cared about her and that I would take care of her. So we moved in together... two months into the relationship. Things were going smoothly, her brother then moved in too (their dad is slightly abusive, lives in California) - Then my girlfriends (i will abbreviate gf from now on) car broke down... she had been spending too much money on repairs, I suggested buying or leasing a new car. Long story short, I took her to the dealership I buy my cars from... she had good credit but no history... I then told her that I trusted her and I cared about her and that her old 90's car was just not safe and a death trap... so I cosigned with her on a 2014 Outlander sport... fully loaded. What sucks about that is that she really never said "thank you" but... oh well... she didn't really like that car, she wanted a Dodge Dart but that was out of the budget and as co signer monthyl was like $500 and sales man said "you can be on it by yourself man, but just let her drive it and pay for it" I said no because I still had to take student loans out and being a cosigner is better than having two financed cars on my credit report. When we lived together it was her mom, brother her and I, we split all the bills, things were going smooth, but it seemed that i used to spend more time with her when we didnt live together than when we did... her job was overworking her, so she quit... she then found another job and we started seeing each other more normal. Then... hiccup number 2 about 3 months into the relationshop "Im pregnant" - she said when sitting on the passenger seat on our way home. She completely took me by surprise, she said she was on the pill.. but yeah, i was suprised. I responded (as I was driving) "well then... I mean, first time for me too... but... do you know what you want to do" -" what do you mean" she said -" Well... i mean... there are three options.... we can keep it... money will be tight, we will be stressed, and there goes out hopes for school and advancing in work... but if you want to keep it let's do it...." -"ok..." -" next option is adoption.... I mean like i said we could keep it, but we just don't have the means to maintain a baby and live a happy life..." -"k..." -" And well... you know what the third option is..." I said That look on her face... it was just that "f**k you look - I then said "but babe... whatever you choose to do... i will always be here for you, I won't leave you, and i will always support you" - sure... Things turned slightly akward.... Couple days later she came into the room and told me "I understand you don't want a kid, you obviously have this 'perfect' plan for your future and a f**k up like this is not something you want... so if you want leave, you don't have to be a part of it if you don't want... i know I f**ked up, but you don't have to suffer if you don't want to" I then replied: "babe... that is so unmanly... i would never leave you, this baby is both of our responsibility, i will never leave my family like that... that is just not something a real man like me would do... and i can't believe you'd think i would leave" So I calmed her down a bit. Then... she started feeling really sick... after multiple hospital visits and sitting in the ER... turned out that she misscarried... when i was in the room and the doctor told her... she started crying and demanded me to leave the room... her mom stayed holding her hand. I then came in, tried giving her a kiss, she just pushed me away, but then we moved on. Days, weeks passed... she never brought it up... we never talked about, and I didn't want to bring it up because I didn't want to make her upset. She ended up getting the BC Inplannon good for 5-7 years. Now to the next chapter... Then her mom and brother moved out - her mom had a boyfriend in Utah so they packed and left... when it was just my gf and I things were AMAZING. It was as if being marriend, just her and i in our own little place... she cooked, i cooked, we went out, we stayed in, we cuddled, we had silly fights, we had great sex.... i couldn't ask for more. I LOVE YOU 3-4 months I have been hurt in the past, so i am cautious... and I don't mess around with the word "love" unless I mean it... So one night... we were cuddling, I could tell she was about to fall sleep... and I told her "_(her name)_ I really like the way you make me feel, when you hold me... when you smile at me... but on top of that... I love you.... i said it... I love you (her name) She then replied "do you?" in an almost sarcastic tone "I really do" ... she turned around and didnt reply... Not going to lie my stomach had a weird feeling. Next couple days I didn't bring it up, until 3 days latter she TEXTED ME something along the lines of "I told you in the beggingin i keep a lot of things bottled it, and i don't like showing my emotions... but I love you so much, you're the best ever, and I am so happy to be with you" Of course I was smiley all day at work after that. Moving on... My step dad from Arizona then called me "can you come visit in January? (this was late November-December)" I said yes, I can go for a weekend... keep in mind, money is tight and my parents only invited me, and my gf's job did not offer Paid Time Off (so you understand my logic) and I had also overheard her talking with her mom in the phone that she wanted to go visit her in Utah around January.... So one day when I was at work I texted my gf: "Good morning beautiful, how are you? ... and btw, I', going to go visit my parents in Arizona for a weekend in January... just so you know and you can plan around it, ok?" Needless to say... i never got a reply My logic was: My parents didn't invite her, I couldnt afford her ticket, I knew she couldnt afford it either, and I knew she wanted to see her mom... hence the "so you can plan around it" When i was home and she came back, she completely ignored me, at night faced the other way and didn't even let me cuddle with her. hiccup number 3 She then sent me a text while i was at work "Hey... So i really didn't like that... It made me really upset the way you worded it... 'oh btw' I feel like you don't take me in consideration in any of at all... and I know we are just 'bf - gf' but we live together and it's a little different... again, I don't mind you going to visit your parents... but just the way you said it..." I see her point, I appologized and I told her I really cared about it, and that I just didn't know how to word it. At this point we had been together for 5-6 months. Christmas came... I gave her a really nice while gold necklace with an infinity symbol charm (to match her infinity tattoo) made out of purple stones (her favorite color) and a panda bear (favorite animal) dressed as batman (favorite superhero) She gave me a really nice watch... and a hand-written card... that alone was worth a million dollars... it said "To the best bf, (im going to paraphrase) i am so happy to be with you, i am so lucky to be in love with someone as perfect and amazing as you, and i love you and i love how you feel the same way for me We went to a friends family party, had an amzing time, had some good drinks and were with each other. Then came new years... i had something planned... but those plans fell through... while i was out with friends buying things for any type of party that would come up and my gf was at work, a friend texted me telling me we should go to his place for new years I then said to him sure, so i texted my gf to tell her the new plans... no reply... When she got home she didn't seem happy, changed into PJs and sat on the couch... "wasn't feeling well" she said "but you can go if you want I said that i would never leave her alone (even though i was ready to go and spent over $100.00 on her favorite drinks and had a bunch of stuff planned) i sat next to her as she fell sleep on the couch. at 12 AM i kissed her and whispered "happy new years babe, i love you" she was out cold I tried waking her up (side note... you DONT WAKE HER UP) but after she pretty much shuved me away, i went to the room, and left the door open. A little bit later she came in, didn't say anything to me, just went to sleep. ARIZONA - I went to AZ for 3 days, i was with my parents... she was not texting me or calling me at all.... parents and i went to las vegas, on the way back - while driving though the mojave... no signal at all... when we finally got to Prescott, AZ and I had 1 bar of signal... i got bombared by her texts "ANSWER YOUR F***ING PHONE" and many more of that sort. I then called her, she hung up on me, she then texted me "i needed you, i had an emergency (keep in mind, it was snowing in Chicago and she is a HORRIBLE DRIVER) - my mind started going crazy "BABE, ARE YOU OK!? WHAT DO YOU NEED!? TALK TO ME!!" "Whatever, its too late now" she said "I can never count on you" - "I was in the middle of the desert, no signal, please tell me whats wrong!" "I had an emergency and you didnt' answer so i had to have someone else help me, I am really aggravated at you right now, and I don't want to talk to you... so you go have fun, ill ttyl" I then told her "Babe... idk what I did wrong, sorry I cant control when I have signal and when I dont ... you KNOW i would never ignore your calls please tell me what happened... are you ok?" -" talk to you later, i really don't feel like talking to you" I got home, she was home... she didnt even say hi.. she was "too busy watching her show...." Her show ended... I said "can we talk babe?" - sure - I don't like how you treat me, i don't like how i ask you whats wrong and you don't answer... - I just... i just ... i just don't know - you don't know what? - i dont know how to say it.... like... i seriously feel like i cant count on you -what do you mean? - i spun out and ended on a ditch, i called you and you didnt answer, my boss had to come and try to help me, I called the insurance company and they said they were out of trucks, and then cops came and I had to pay on the spot to have them tow me out… -its not my fault, i was in the desert, and I am sorry… - but still you wrent there for me - i was visiting my parents.... im sorry that you couldnt come... but i was with my parents... - I know... but also... about the baby... like... i was so sad... i was destroyed... and i feel like a miscarriage was the best thing that could happen to you -that's not tru.. -shut up, you know it is... i WANTED that baby... and you obviously didn't.... - Babe, Im sorry, but i told you i would support you, and it made me sad.. -NO IT DIDNT, I BET YOU WERE HAPPY I MISCARRIED - NO! AND STOP PUTTING WORDS IN MY MOUTH! I know that we're not in the best economic position, but if you wanted the baby so be it, i would have stayed with you, and we would have raised it together, and i would have always supported you - I just don't believe you, i feel like if i ever need something i need to ask my mom because you can't help me... hell, i don't know what i would have done if my mom had not been there for me.... - You told me to leave the room... - but we never talked about it, its like you didn't care! - I did care! I hated to see you cry, i hate seeing you sad! but you never brought it up, and with the way you are, it just seemed that you didnt' want to talk about it, so i didn't bring it up.. only to not make you upset babe... - idk, i still feel like i can never depend on you, you also seem to make decisions without considering me... -I then told her "sorry that i failed to realize how hurt you were..." -" STOP USING BIG WORDS" - In simple terms i told her that she needs to open up with me, show emotions... and if something is wrong for her to tell me I then said "so... i mean, you're really mad at me, and you've been treating me quite bad latelly... do you even want to be togrther?" -YES I DO, i don't want to break up... but its scarry... when you were gone i didn't even miss you... and that's scary. - what are you suggesting then babe? - im not sure... - well what if i move out and see what happens... - I slept in a different room, Next day a friend and i were packing a few clothes, my girlfiend was there, but she just left. Once i was at my friends house she texted me "sorry, I just really didn't like seeing you leave and I didn't want to be there, are you ok" - yeah, im fine, its ok, i know this is for the best... we went one day without talking. She then wanted to hang out I went over to her house, we watched a movie... lead into sex. After i told her that i had work in the morining, so we cuddled until 2 AM and i left. Next day... same, but i ended up staying all night, she left for work at 8 AM, i then went to friends house, showered, changed and went to work day after that... same and after.. she said "i think you should just move back in because you stay here every night So i did. So things were great... for a while.... Then out of nowhere, she started being kind of mean to me Slight decrease in intimacy She was always on her phone (facebook, instagram, or iFunny, not texting anyone or anything like that) When we cuddled on the couch,,, she didn't actually cuddle. This was making me very sad I asked what was wrong.. she seemed to just brush me off. I would say "we never talk..." "about what" she said... So... i went to the dealership, traded in my car, and got the car i have been dreaming of since i was a little kid...a brand-spanking new subaru wrx. She was beyond mad... she hated that car, she hated the sight of it, the looks of it Pretty much the relationship went from being in a plateau on "ok" and went into a slope towards bad. Then... i her mom and her bf broke up... her mom and brothe rmoved back in... at this point... things went even worse... i felt like i never had her attention.... things started getting bad. Final moments late April- early may 2014 I go to an University... i hate school... with a passion, always puts me in a bad mood and beyond stressed, on top of my high quotas as a personal banker... stress should be my second name... but I still go because i was a stable future for me and my wife and family... yes, i just want a piece of paper that says HIRE ME. Towards finals week, two of my finals were take home, i had told my gf in waaay in advance "i will be meeting up with classmates after class to work on the final, okay" One day, 2 guys, me, and 2 girls met up at one of my classmates house, we worked on the final, and we all got A's on it. Of course, to celebrate we poured some drinks... keep in mind , my last class ends at 8PM, i get a text from my gf "where are you" around 9 "im with classmates taking a final and celebrating the end of a semester” - "K" she replied - at around 1030PM i get another text "no, he is not here yet (it was in spanish)" "sorry, that was for my mom, not you" - I quickly replied "ok babe, ill be home soon" I got home around 1130, she was gone, picking up her mom from work, i doze to sleep, her and her mom got home... she gets in bed doesnt say a word to me... looks for her phone charger "oh sorry" i said "i was useing the charger and left it in the bathroom" she makes and angry hiss, storms out the room, swings door open (handle left hole on the wall) wen tto bathroom grabbed charger, came back still ignored me went to sleep. Things stayed weird, she kept treating me like crap... we went out a few times, i'd hold her hand, she had not been kissing me goodbye in the morning before work for like 1 or 2 weeks... and when together or out she still would kiss me,but i could feel the passion was just not there any more... My father from mexico calls me "wanna come to mexico?" sure... I then asked my gf (learned form Arizona apparently she wants to be with me" she said yes, sounded exited. When i told my dad i'd be bringing her he wasnt happy... but he accepted it. I bought two tickets, about $1,500.00... But things kept going downhill.... I was pretty fed up with it, i pretty much saw a break-up in the near future... So... im a car guy... what do car people do... we drive... best time to drive? middle of the night. One night, she was next to me, once agian... "can we talk?" no response.... I put me shoues on, went for a drive, hit some dirt roads in true subaru fashion... didnt come home till late. Next morning, she ignored my existense left for woek. That day after work, i didnt even go home, i went to my friends house, of course super depressed because i can see the breakup coming up, so i had a bottle of whiskey with me... We were in the basement 3 of my friends and i playing Call of duty while i was poinding whiskey after whiskey. I ended up getting sick and throwing up all over myself. My friends dropped me off at home and kept my car, i took a shower and went to sleep next to her. Next morning my gf waked me up "can you take me to work? my mom is still at work and she has my car" "i cant" - "why not?" - "i dont have my car" - where is it? - my friend has it... she storms out the room, and calls someone, idk who, but "hey... can you pick me up... my boyfirned doesnt have his car for some reason: * idk who that was, but must live close because she was ready to go right away. That day i went to work , after work i was with my friends... we went to Buffalo Wild Wings... i got home at 11pm, when i went into our room... she had locked me out.... so i spent the night at my friends house next day when we saw each other: "if you don't like it here you can f**king leave" We got into a small argument, she got verbal, i didn't i just got loud, she kept reapeating "my mom doesnt like you coming late at night, you have to respect the f**ing house" and i just said things along the lines "you treat me like crap, i dont deserve this" "well leave" -fine ill leave when i find a place to live - well, you have been finding a place to stay lately... - are you accusimg of anything? - well youve been leaving... - I WENT OUT FOR A DRIVE - yeah... "for a drive" whatever... So we broke up, i slept on the couch a few days until i found another place to live, i got rid of the subaru (self repo) One day when i was at work, i texted her" - Can you please leave the extra set of subaru keys i gave you on the counter please?" -Yeah why? -Because im going to get rid of the car. -k - you dont have to be hostile... i don't hate you, i want things to at least be civil... - she then said... I don't hate you either, im sorry... I then went to the dealership next day to have them repo my car because i budgeted it with me living with her, so now i drive a 2012 civic Si.... my work is now 40 + mins from my house, and i will have to drop out of the university i was attending because it will be too far. So as a sad desperate newly single man... i added a bunch of girls on facebook. When i went on instagram... and i went to "add friends from facebook" for some reason my gfs ex kept popping up... but we are not friends on facebook, he does not follow me, i don't follow him, and to this date him and my (now ex) are not friends on fb... and we don't have friends in common. On instagram i accidently hit "follow all" but qukclly unfollowed him. When i went to my ex's house to pick up a few things before "official move-out" She stopped me at the front door "are you talking to my ex" -No.. i said - well, because i havent talked to him in almost a year, and out of nowhere he sent me this (she showed me her phone) and her ex had screenshot me requesting to follow him. She then said... because that is really creepy, and he makes it seem like you're talking crap about me... and that's really bogus of you - I don't talk to him. - yeah, what ever then why... - it was a glitch on instagr... - i just don't believe you... - but (her name) this is what happened, he kept appearing on my "follow" list, i accidlently clicked it - she then just rolled her eyes and let me in to get a few of my things. When i moved out i talked to her a little bit. - "So... i guess this is it huh?" - "yeah..." - Well... i need to know... do you see any future in us, im not saying tomorrow, im not saying next week or next month... but you know, sometimes you break up with someone and say to yourself 'never again' i just need to know where you are at? - I dont know... its just so soon... - Do you have any idea... - I dont know yet... - I then joked around a little bit... please think about it, i then mentioned how her and i are equally weird, and how no one else would give her a skull-shaped engagement ring like i would (she loves skulls) or a batman cake (she loves batman) She chuckled a little bit. - I then told her... i have never loved anyone like you, you're my all... but if this is what you want.. i can't force you... goodbye... and i gave her a hug. Two days later, i was still "subscribed" to her on facebook... i get a notification that she updated her status: " Yay, (her ex's name) is going to teach me how to ride a motorcycle" of course it felt like i got shot by a .50 cal in the stomach.... She then texted me "hey, i think you accidently took my charger can you come drop it off" i found her charger in one of my boxes "sure, want it before or after i go to work?" i said. " uh... after please" When i dropped it off, i creeped on her facebook again, i noticed she had deleted that status update. She opened the door, and i gave her the charger, i actted like nothing happened, gave her the charger, gave her a hug, and said goodbye and went home. Of course both of us our facebook's say we're single, and our profile pictures are just ones of just us (not together, me in mine, her in hers) ... but check this... all... ALL of the pictures she had of me are still on her profile, heck, if you go to her next profile picture it is one of us two. But i followed the advice of the website "getyourexback" 30-no-contact... i didnt contact her at all, phone, text, facebook, i didnt do any status updates trying to reach out to her or anthing... my facebook consited of just check-ins at the gym, picutes of my friends and i haveing a good time, and me complaining about work. My latrst status shows my progess... in may I was about 210lbs, now i am 195lbs, i also said that i got my finances straughted out and same with school and that i got managers from Chase and other banks that want me working with them, and how i had my ticket (notice single ticket) ready for mexico. While her: Her updates were -checks in with her brother at a movie theater "with the only guy i need" - then "watching the meteor shower... at least that what he dragged me out for" (who is "he" her brother or some other guy) - For an unexpected date, not bad at all - checked in at movies theatre (Her brother moved back out to California by this point) -so i saw this movie, it was pretty good -uploaded a picture of her TV in the living room "re-watching breaking bad because this kid hasnt seen it" Well... after day 30 I texted her (keep in mind, she likes harry potter movies, and she likes reading everything about a movie in wikipedia and THEN watching the movie) I texted her: - So... i was watching harry potter with some friends and it made me think of you at least now i know why you like reading the story because i could barely follow it, lol, anyways how are you? -She replied: "i don't read harry potter wrong person" kind of mean right? so i re texted: "no i mean, that now i know why you read on wikipeia about a movie, but anyways, how are you" "oh okay" "and im ok" "hbu" -"Im okay too, got things settled down, exited for my vacation" -"thats good, I hope you have a good vacation" "thanks... i then told her my plans to find a new job at a better bank, and i asked if she had anything planned for summer. She said"it would be really good if you can work somewhere better, and not yet... i may go to miami or cali" we then joked about how it would be a tough choce and that she should just toss a coin on it. then she stopped replying (around the time she gets off work is when she stopped replying) next day I did not text her Two days from contact i asked her "hey, whats the name of that really good restaurant you, your mom, and I went to?" -sorry, don't remember the name, just know how to get there - oh ok, do you know the big street names? - not really, i think Cicero... - oh well, maybe we can just go one day sometime haha, my friends and i wanted to celebrate that im down from 210 kbs to 195 lbs... eat to celebrate weight loss (my name) logic haha - no reply... Today i texted her mid-day (she works at my dentist office) she had told me my insruance may not cover everything, so i asked her "hey, so does my insurance cover everything?" -"what do you mean? im confused lol" "like do i owe you guys anything?" - "oh no, not at all, youre fine lol" - oh ok good, anyways, how is work? - work is good, hbu? - "gucci (she hates gucci but i always used to say it to stir her up) i don't work today, im just going to do laundry, go to the gym, and enjoy my day off... (then to try and continue a conversation) ... and btw... have you done your internship hours for your degree (in flabotomy) yet> ... i didn't get a reply... And thats as of today. I know I am not perfect... but i try my hardest to be the best boyfriend ever.... I did not cheat on her, i never disrespected her, and her happiness was always my number one goal... and even though she treated me bad towards the end, i had some amazing memories with her, and i am sure she is the one i want to be with. I even ask her brother for advice, he says to me "man, you're awesome, but she is just a d**ck, she is a mean perosn, she is really mean to me too... it is just how she is, im not going to say don't go for her again, but idk, you should maybe find someone that will respect you man" To a mutual friend whom she has said her entire side of the story, his two cents are "man, i have my own thoughts, and im going to keep them to myself, i won't say don't go for it, but she is stubborn, and gets influenced by her mom a lot, plus she is young (she is 19, turns 20 in august) but if you love her... idk, keep distance, give her space, give her time, and if it is meant to be... it is... and if its not, maybe y'all are better as friends... but i did like the way you guys looked together" So i want to give it another try, and i really don't want her wasting time going back with her other ex... that is such a downgrade... and it doesn't take much, read this sentence outloud "I left a man that is in university and works at a bank and that treats me like a princess and that i would have an amazing future with for some kid that works at mcdonalds and is a douche and has hurt me in the past" yeah... say that outloud to someone and they'll judge you hard. I made a hand written letter saying "sorry" amongs other things, i also took screenshots of the conversations we had when i was in mexico, and took a picture of the letter she gave me, and i put them in the letter i plan on giving her, i also made 2 CDs full of songs that we called "our songs" and the CDs are titled I may not be the best with words, but I love you thiiiiiiiiiiiii (CDS) iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much, her and i always used to have "i love you more" contests type of things. I would really like to take her out for coffee or somerhing, i would like to see her at least once before i leave for mexico, (two weeks that ill be gone) , and i would like to be able to Skype with her while im gone... Now, as far as giving her the CDs and letter, i would like to do that before I leave for mexico, so she has two weeks to think about it.... Well, I know this is 20 pages of words, but i needed to type the whole thing so you guys could give me the best advice. Thanks! 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HopelessRomntc Posted July 1, 2014 Author Share Posted July 1, 2014 Extra notes: If we do get back together, i do not intend on moving back in (at least not now) we would start fresh, and if we do move back in, it needs to be just her and I. The letter that she gave me was like 2 pages long, that was just a summary. The letter that i want to give her is about one page, and it just says "i miss this , i miss my best friend" amongst other things. I know i said i had been only in 4 serious relationships, but i believe that is enough, i've had my fair share of one-night encounters were i am pretty satisfied and i just want one woman that will treat me right and that i can treat like my queen. And even though my ex has obviously been going out with guys (i am not sure if it is her ex before me, some other guy, or multiple guys) i on the other had... 0... no girls that i have taken out at all... not really by choice, like i said in the beggining, i have really bad self-issues and i have a very hard time getting a woman to talk to me... but I also don't want to lead anyone on when i still love my ex... you know? Also... my ex, when i asked her "do you even love me?" when i was moving out she said "... i... i can't say that I do... but I can't say that I don't..." Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 Way too long....break down to your essential question/issues. Link to comment
3Tears Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 This is extremely long, but I got to say that I read it all lol, was like reading a novel... that relationship sounded toxic man, month in and you guys were having trouble? You don't send those CDs, you stop contacting her again, you don't do anything man. If you wish to reconcile its something that she must want too, you won't change her mind about the break up showing her/ reminding her about the good times you had together while in the relationship, trust me, been there, done that. Never works. Go NC again and whenever she contacts you again, let her know your true intentions on what you want with her, if she says no then you just go NC again. Thats it, theres nothing else you can do. Link to comment
fireflies Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 I agree: NC is best. I know the heart wants what the heart wants, but I would really heed what her own brother and your mutual friend had to say about her. She's a bad investment both romantically and financially. Don't let her ruin you. Link to comment
autumnsun Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 Holy long novel. Everyone has said it: NC is the way to go. This girl seems very unhealthy, so how is she to have a healthy relationship with anyone? You sound like you have a bright future, so at such a young age, why tie yourself down to someone who brings you down so much? She needs to figure herself out and what she does/does not want... and you need to do the same! Like Fireflies said: bad investment romantically and financially. When you are a bit further out from this break up, you'll start to feel more confident about pursuing a new relationship that won't be so hard to maintain. Link to comment
Brotherhood67 Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 Holy long novel. Everyone has said it: NC is the way to go. This girl seems very unhealthy, so how is she to have a healthy relationship with anyone? You sound like you have a bright future, so at such a young age, why tie yourself down to someone who brings you down so much? She needs to figure herself out and what she does/does not want... and you need to do the same! Like Fireflies said: bad investment romantically and financially. When you are a bit further out from this break up, you'll start to feel more confident about pursuing a new relationship that won't be so hard to maintain. Holy cr** ! You look just like my cousin ! It's incredible ! To be more precise, here is his story : he kinda met the same kind of gil, they finally got back together after he consciously pursued her for months. But there's a hiccup : they bought an appartment together after that and after 3-4 months, she broke up with him, made his life miserable and hired a lawyer in order to get as much as possible back from this appartment (market value rose by 10% so she asked for 70% of this goods value.). But anyway, just his experience... Link to comment
Liraele Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 Um. No. Just....no. Stay away from this girl, please. Good relationships don't go like this. It sounds like you both have some growing up to do, and by putting up with this nonsense from her you're risking your future. You have a good job, you're working toward the future you want. She isn't ready to be the wife you have pictured - and she may never be the right one for you. Find someone who treats you well and makes you feel good. Wait to do that until you are able to make yourself feel good. Which means healing from this relationship, then getting to the point where you're happy with you, then finding a person who makes you happy to be with them. Link to comment
autumnsun Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 But there's a hiccup : they bought an appartment together after that and after 3-4 months, she broke up with him, made his life miserable and hired a lawyer in order to get as much as possible back from this appartment (market value rose by 10% so she asked for 70% of this goods value.). But anyway, just his experience... please, tell us... she didn't actually get 70% did she?! Link to comment
Brotherhood67 Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 please, tell us... she didn't actually get 70% did she?! Yes she did. She managed to turn the tables in her favor by proving she made some repairs in the appartment and asked for an extra share with it. Truth is, they shared the cost of those repairs but she was intelligent enough to sign all the papers then so it's legally her doing. My cousin just didn't care back then and was in love so he trusted her. Needless to say, she took the money and disappeared. He never saw her again or had any contact anymore with her. Link to comment
HopelessRomntc Posted July 2, 2014 Author Share Posted July 2, 2014 Thanks for the feedback everyone, i know it was super long (+20 pages on word) But i felt that i needed to say everything to get some right answers.. honestly, I don't know how to summarize all of that. haha It does suck though, we had some amazing times together, but the pregnacy and miscarriage were definitely a big bump... and I guess i didn't handle it THAT well... But her main points were that "she felt like we had to be together (i.e. stuck together)" because of rent and me being her co signer for the car i helped her get. And she kept saying that "She doesn't feel she could count on me for anything" Which leave me confused... I really thought she was the one... I guess not, maybe she'll grow up after she stops wasting time with that other ex she's been hanging out with... or maybe not... My biggest self issue is definitely confidence, i hate approaching women, i tend to always get rejected you know? Link to comment
bunnyrabbit Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 she is still young. But considering she went through a miscarriage, that can cause an emotional toll on her and the relationship. She may not be deliberately mean to you, it might be the hormones and miscommunications in the relationship. You might want to tell her that you both need 6 months to a year of NC. Thereafter, you can both meet up and see whether there is a chance to work on this relationship again after there is some financial and emotional stability/maturity on both sides. Link to comment
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