Is playing hard to get the way to go?

[flutterby]

It is beginning to appear to me as if guys like it when a girl plays hard to get as in not always being available and not returning calls right away etc.

and if I show a guy that I like him by returning calls right away etc. they seem to run off. This just makes no sense to me at all and it seems so odd to pretend as if you arent interested if you really are. So, guys this is a question for you, does it make you like a girl more if shes a bit of a challenge?

 

Girls, do you find that guys are more interested if you play hard to get?

[Shinobie]

For guys like me who are shy as hell no its not the good way to be because we become more intimitated and back off a lot.But if the guy is probably really confident and really interested in going for girls then maybe playing hard to get will be more of a challenge for him and maybe he will keep going after that girl since his confidence needs a challenge.IOno im not way to sure but i hope i have helped.

[peacekeeper]

I hate that whole "have to play the game" crap too. I'm a guy and I know that there are "rules" that I am supposed to call after X days but to me thats just plain stupid - why intentionally neglect someone, it bothers me that society dictates that I have to feign uninterest in order to interest. If I like someone I will call them as time permits, not necessarily to have a long chat, but just to touch base and then tell them I'll call them back in a few days when I have time but avoiding any contact whatsoever just seems stupid.

 

But anyway, the "logic" behind this is that by contacting immediately you are showing you are clingy or perhaps desperate. But like I said I hate playing those games. Do what you feel like.

[bellaBH]

To me it seems as though sometimes you have to play hard to get. When you are always available, some guys take advantage of that. You have to know how to strike a balance but that is easier said than done.

[asmodai]

I dont see why you would think you'd need to 'strike a balance', bella

 

Personally I find it insulting and quite offputting if i've taken the trouble to call a girl and she doesn't call back, or doesn't seem to make the time for me -(within reason of course!! she doesn't have to drop everything.. )

but this behaviour gives me only one impression: you are not interested- and that is a major turn off. I don't at all care for games..

 

Obviously i cant speak for all us guys, but mostly they aren't going to think 'woah, its not even been a day and shes calling me, what a freak', honestly they will be flattered that a girl is taking such a keen interest in them (so long as you aren't calling 5 times a day of course ). I honestly dont see how you can appear to be 'too desperate'- if you like someone, why not let them know about it!!!!

 

In the battlefield of social pollitics, a guy is more likley to take things on face value rather than read into psycological games that you might be playing with us, women seem to be more sensitive to this sort of thing. If it sounds like you aren't interested, chances are this will be interpreted by a guy as YOU ARENT INTERESTED- its pure logic.... but i'll emphasise that this is only my opinion, there probably are plenty of guys that enjoy the 'chase' if they get the right vibes from you in the first place.

 

Just my opinion...

[atigdng]

For me, If you don't have to work for the girl, then what is the point?

[69_king]

OK girls, think about it this way, simply reverse the situation 180 degrees.

 

If a guy that you had met and liked made it seem to you that he was not interested and didn't bother to call you back, how would you feel?

 

Lets say you and I just had a first date, just a drink or something, nothing serious. You have really started to like me and you feel that I like you too. And we even exchange phone numbers. You are feeling really great about the whole thing. But then, at the end of the date, we part and I say "Thanks" or something but make no mention of going out again. I don't kiss you or anything, I just leave. Then I don't call again, you are sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring and every time it does your

heart rate doubles but its never me calling. Finally you decide to phone me and I am a little cool, I'm too busy to go out again, but I say that I will phone back 'sometime'.

 

Ok, how do you feel now? Its obvious I am not interested so you feel sad but decide that I am not worth it anyway and so you try to just forget about me. BUT, all the time I really liked you and I really wanted to go out with you again! I was just playing "Hard to get" so that you wouldn't think I was desperate and I hoped this would increase your interest in me.

 

NOW do you see how RIDICULOUS this sounds???????

 

This is the cr@p we guys have to put up with!!!

 

OK, I suppose there are lots of guys that like that stuff. But there are

also a lot, like me, who don't want that stuff. I'm looking for a long-term relationship, this means finding someone who is REALLY interested in me. If a girl is REALLY interested then she won't play "hard to get". If a girl plays "hard to get" with me then it means that she is not REALLY interested in me. And I will not waste one second of my time with someone like that.

[Day_Walker]

Well first of all you have to figure out what kind of mode the guy is in at the time of talking to him. Is he looking for a long term relationship or is he just wanting to have fun and meet more females. The guys who want to have fun are not trying to focus on just one female and showing too much interest in them isnt going to make them want to be with you because they dont want to settle down at the moment. Now the guys that are looking for long term relationships are more likely to be responsive if you show more interest in them. What you have to learn is that guys arent all the same, some will respond to playing hard to get while others hate it and there are bound to be some guys who are in between those two extremes.

[dizzy_bruce]

Hard to get is the way to go as far as I'm concerned.

 

If you're over-eager it suggests that you're desperate and clingy, and lacking in confidence. Being 'hard to get' suggests that you're laid back and girls/boys come your way all the time - which makes you more attractive (everyone likes popularity).

 

Balance is the most important thing - not so laid back that it looks like you're uninterested, but just enough to show casual interest.

 

Yeah yeah I know it's stupid and kinda sneeky, but that's life. It's one of the many stupid acts we have to put on the impress the opposite sex.

 

And none of that 'oh just be yourself' rubbish, be someone attractice instead!

[shuntaro603]

i think a little "hard to get" is fun. but if a girl overdo it, it will just seem like she is not interested in me and i will give up.

[corvidae]

If a girl plays hard to get with me, not only does she instantly lose my interest, but she loses my respect for her as a person. Read 69_king's post again. Pay attention to every word. That's how I, and many others, feel.

[MetalJoe]

So, guys this is a question for you, does it make you like a girl more if shes a bit of a challenge?

 

Nope. In fact, it's a serious turn-off for me. From experience, if a women plays "hard to get" then she's either not interested or just playing games.

[ShySoul]

Playing hard to get is foolish and a waste of time. If you like someone, just tell him. Open, honest communication is what makes a relationship work. Letting someone know that you appreciate them and enjoy spending time with them is what makes a relationship work. Playing hard to get show that your not interested in a real relationship. It shows that your only interested in "playing." Love is not a game and shouldn't be treated as such.

[DragonGirl724]

coming from a girl..i like to chase & be chased a little. what fun is it knowing you have them wrapped around your finger right off the bat??? all good things you have to work for.

 

dating is all about having a good time.

 

sometimes you have to climb to the top of the tree for the best apples...or you can just settle for the ones that are rotten & easily accessible that fell to the ground. your choice...

 

-DG724

[ShySoul]

Any thrill that comes from the chase won't be half as wonderful as the feeling of knowing someone truly cares.

 

There's a difference between working for something and creating extra work. Playing hard to get usually just creates an extra hassle that people have to go through to get to something that is already there. It also creates more of a possibility that the person will become frustrated, lose interest and move on. So everyone is left with nothing, no relationship when they could have had one.

 

The way to get the best apples is to take your time getting to know someone before any kind of dating. Once you really know you like the person, be honest about your feelings. You wouldn't be just settling but you also wouldn't be playing any games.

[DragonGirl724]

well im not sayin to be a "B" about it, but i dont see any harm with a little chase here & there.

 

-DG724

[youngin]

sometimes you have to climb to the top of the tree for the best apples...or you can just settle for the ones that are rotten & easily accessible that fell to the ground. your choice...

 

ya the stuck-up, antisocial apples. Apples at the "bottom" arent rotten $luts, there friendly and sociable. people arent apples.

 

 

As for being "hard to get," that is best left to movies. Ya, over-eager isnt good, but immensely preferable to hard to get. Dont be over eager. dont be hard to get. hard to get to a guy = "leave me alone you stalker" or "im not interested. go away before i sik my older brother on you."

[Caldus]

Remember, dating is supposed to be fun. I think it's sort of inevitable while you are in the dating game. If you're willing to deal with having to chase a girl, then deal with it. Otherwise, find someone else. Never hurts to play hard to get yourself as well.

[DragonGirl724]

oh please theres nothing wrong w/ a little chase! end of story. stuck up..i dont think so. if i went with every guy that liked me & didnt single them out in 1 way or another id be in a lot of trouble as would a lot of other people. a lot of you sound very bitter maybe you didnt get the person you wanted, but whatever the case, anyone that comes so easily for 1 isnt appreciated as much & probably isnt worth it, and/or is boring. at least from my experiences.

 

-DG724

[DragonGirl724]

Remember, dating is supposed to be fun. I think it's sort of inevitable while you are in the dating game. If you're willing to deal with having to chase a girl, then deal with it. Otherwise, find someone else. Never hurts to play hard to get yourself as well.

 

couldnt agree more.

 

-DG724

[DragonGirl724]

sometimes you have to climb to the top of the tree for the best apples...or you can just settle for the ones that are rotten & easily accessible that fell to the ground. your choice...

 

ya the stuck-up, antisocial apples. Apples at the "bottom" arent rotten $luts, there friendly and sociable. people arent apples.

 

 

As for being "hard to get," that is best left to movies. Ya, over-eager isnt good, but immensely preferable to hard to get. Dont be over eager. dont be hard to get. hard to get to a guy = "leave me alone you stalker" or "im not interested. go away before i sik my older brother on you."

 

i never said '$luts' ever in my posts. i said easily accessible, i wasnt referring to sexually. so understand that...and yes people are not 'apples' its what people call 'a methaphor'...we use those kinds of things to compare situations in life...& that is all what it is.

 

& for one i am personally VERY social & meet a ton of new people on a daily basis actually & i think the fun of not knowing how much the person likes you while simply dating is what keeps our attention as human beings. a lot of people enjoy the 'hmmm i wonder...' aspect of dating...that does NOT make us stuck-up in the least bit.

 

-DG724

[ShySoul]

I'll take the "man, I can't believe how much we care about each other" aspect over the "hmmm i wonder..." aspect any day. The wondering can feel good for awhile but eventually it just drives you crazy and you want to know where you stand.

 

Just because someone isn't interested in chasing after you doesn't make them unappreciative or boring. I would be more appreciative of a girl who was honest and straightforward with me. I shouldn't have to go out of my way to be with someone I care about, they should respect me enough to just tell me how they honestly feel. If anything, I'd be less appreciative of the girl who makes me run after her because then I wouldn't get the feeling that she returns my feelings. If she likes me, she should be women enough to admit it. And you can't say someone like that is boring. They probably have just as much fun as anyone.

[MetalJoe]

I'll take the "man, I can't believe how much we care about each other" aspect over the "hmmm i wonder..." aspect any day. The wondering can feel good for awhile but eventually it just drives you crazy and you want to know where you stand.

 

Agreed. If I don't know where I stand, it's frustrating and eventually I question her sincerity and whether I'm just being used. I suspect a lot of gameplayers are pretty insecure and feel they need to encourage the chase to boost their self-esteem or put up barriers to avoid opening up to someone.

 

The best relationships I've been involved with have been honest from the very beginning - both sides knew where they stood. The worst have involved the wondering and game playing. Most of my friends are married or in long-term relationships and none of them, to my knowledge, played the "hard to get" game.

[DragonGirl724]

ok what do u all consider as the 'hard to get' game???? i dont think we all see eye to eye on the topic....

 

'hard to get' for me is not returning every messege they leave, not sweating them & being up their *** everytime they call or waiting to hear from them to call or invite me somewhere. to me 'hard to get' to me is not always being there when they want to hang out. to show them i have a life w/o them & not to be 100% accessible just b/c they 'like me'. 'hard to get' is basically not being on their jock, instead being more distant, feeling them out, make them sweat a little, which adds curiosity & excitment, but let them know their special when you DO see them....those 2-3 times a week.

 

-DG724

[DragonGirl724]

I'll take the "man, I can't believe how much we care about each other" aspect over the "hmmm i wonder..." aspect any day. The wondering can feel good for awhile but eventually it just drives you crazy and you want to know where you stand.

 

i think when it gets so 'lovey dovey sappy' like that, it ends very quickly & gets too serious too fast & burns out just as fast as it started. not to mention boring. save the lovey dovey crap for when its necessary in a relationship...NOT in dating.

 

-DG724