flutterby

I am wondering what are some of the signs that u have seen that say a guy is in it for just a good time or a booty call? I will start out for the good time only since I just figured this one out myself.... its happpened to me 2 or 3 times now so I am a firm believer in it now. The 2am call to come over to his place. Also what are some of the signs that a guy is in it for real? On this I am clueless.... or maybe he just doesnt call at 2am to come to his place haha.

Thanks sooo much evryone for your replies and to all of you who guessed booty call... well give yourself a big pat on the back! He text me a couple nights ago... again at 1:30 am to see what I was doing I just reply..sleeping. Last night at a more decent time he texts again asking when we are going to hang out or should he just close the book? I told him that I was a relationship kind of girl and if he wasnt looking for the same then yes, close the book. He said he thought I was just looking for a good time like he was. I asked him what gave him that impression but he never replied. I would have to assume that it was because I went over there at 2 am the first time he asked so i will never do that again.... maybe it would be okay though in an established relationship but not in the beginning. But thanks again everyone for the insight and maybe someone on here can tell me what are some signs that help u detect that a guy is just in it for a "good time" only. The late night calls to come over are definitly going on my list.

My last relationship ended after 7 months when I found him cheating on me. The one before that was 6 months ended in cheating as well on his part. For the last 3 years have not really been in a relationship cause they never get off the ground, they only want one thing from me????

I have recently been told by a guy that he is very attracted to me but not in a relationship sort of way.... when I questioned further he said that he couldnt explain it he is just either sees a girl that way or not. I have often found this to be the case with other guys too even though they havent come out and just said it... but in the end when relationship came up they didnt want that although I was good to fool around with, even though I dont have sex unless I am in a relationship. I have been single for 3 years now and i am very picky and always seem to have someone that I am interested in and them in me... for awhile...but for the life of me it never goes anywhere! Is there something that I am not doing or saying that enables them to not see me as realtionship material? I do tend to kind of stay on the surface sort of as far as conversation goes and that could possibly be part of it I guess... but what sort of things should I bring up in conversation to make a person see what I am really all about and to try to form a connection?

About 3 months ago I started working with a guy who is 29 and I am 21 he had just moved to my small town. I am attracted to him and about 6 weeks ago I asked him if he would like to go bowling with a group of people that he didnt know that also work where we do. I asked him at the last minute practically and he said he already had pans but would take a raincheck. Well, I wasnt certain if this was a rejection or not so I never asked again. The flirting continues and last week he asked me what I was doing that night and then he said he was going to a movie and did I know anyone who would like to go with him and I said I would. So we went and he is the question master! Probably just trying to keep the convo going I suppose. Walked me to my car, no kiss. The next night he asked me to stop by his house on the way home from a friends, which I did and we just talked and he mentioned that he had struggled with asking me out because of our ages and I just told him about a lot of age difference relationships in our town that I knew of. Sunday he gets back and I dont hear anything from him until Tuesday when I text him and say, "when are we going to hang out or did u change your mind?" He replied at 2:00 in morning and wanted me to come discuss it. Which I did and we ended up making out for the first time, no sex. The only thing he said about it was " I really like u but this whole age thing has me all jammed up" and I just said " dont know what to tell you." I ended up staying the night and he got up with me in the morning (Ihad work) and he kissed me again before I left. My first question is does it sound as if he may possibly be looking for just some a** and also how can I convince him that the age diff is no biggie or is it just something he needs to work through himself and we should just keep going and see where this takes us? I really think 8 years is no big deal. Maybe he is just acting like it is a big deal so that he can use it in the end as an excuse for not wanting a relationship and to see if he can get down my pants in the meantime? Any thoughts? Maybe Im just always over analyzing and should just learn to chill and roll with the flow more.

At one point in time I thought I was just used by this guy and I posted a thread on here about it and it appears as if Sayer7 may have had the correct reply but I am not sure and I am afraid to try again. The link to that post is We ran into each other at a store and made plans to just go riding in the woods the next day and then we went out to dinner and he had a friend with him. It was a fun day and I he has been calling me 5 or 6 times a week for the last 2 1/2 months now. He just bought a house a couple weeks ago and invited me over for a party and his sister in law who i had just met asked me if Jason and I were together and I said no. Then she asked if we were dating and I said well not really we have hung out a couple of times but we talk on the phone a lot. She said he doesnt get out much anymore but I hope you guys get back together, he really needs a girlfriend. A couple other friends of his told me that they hope we get back too that night. He asked me to stay the night (he had been drinking) and I turned him down. My Mom says that she doesnt think his family and friends would have been saying those things to me unless they knew how Jason felt about it and that he must have been talking to them about me at some point. The phone calls continue and last night I was going to a friends house and he texted me and said that I should stop by on my way home and give him a goodnight kiss. I replied hmmmm, Ill think about it. He said I love it when you play hard to get. I didnt stop by afterwards and I just dont know what to do. I am scared he will bolt again and I am having a hard time trying to find the courage to take it to the next level. My Mom mentioned the saying " If you love something set it free and if it comes back to you its yours" but I just dont know. Can anyone please tell me what their take on this is? I keep asking myself would he invest this much phone time into just another fling?

It sounds to me as if she may be trying to get you to either confess your feelings for her or possibly make an exclusive relationship with her. I have been wrong before but it sorta sounds like this could be a possiblity.

Jetta, I too feel as if this is a huge part of the problem and I wish it was that easy for him to just change jobs. He has spoken to me about it before but not in reference to his ex although some where in his mind I am sure he must realize too that this is a big part of the problem. He makes really good money at his job and has been there for many years. He has a degree to teach but it will not make anything close to what he is getting now nor will it ever. He was talking to me about other options he could look into. He told a mutual friend of ours that he liked me but he was leary of getting involved with someone he works with and the friend said he shouldnt worry about it cause his ex has already been in 2 relationships even though they werent people he knew. I am uncertain whether he was worried about putting a relationship in her face so to speak or if he was more concerned about her causing trouble for us if we did get together or if he was worried about the possiblilty of having to work with 2 ex's some day or all of the above. At any rate I dont know how he can put any distance between them so he can heal?

I was dating a guy for the past month who recently told me that he feels as if he is cheating on his ex whenever he starts to hang out with someone. He told me this after he stood me up for a date. He works with his ex and I also work with him as well. They were together for 4 years, living together part of that time and have been broken up for a year now. He says that he never sees or talks to her other than at work. She has moved on and has been in 2 other relationships since him and told some mutual friends that she will always love him but they will never be back together. She kind of likes to play little head games with him too and its like she doesnt want him but doesnt want anyone else to have him either. He told me that he thinks Im an awesome girl but he has this issue he needs to work on. So we have decided to remain friends although he still flirts with me a lot and calls me a lot. I am wondering if there is anything I can say to this guy to help him get through this? Any guys out there ever felt this way? I know it has to be tough since he sees her at work all the time.

I started dating Josh who is a coworker of mine about a month ago and he is 29 and I am 20. He also works with an exgirlfriend that he was with for 4 years and they lived together and were engaged. They have been broke up for a year. My best friend that also works with us told him that I liked him and she said that he seemed really excited about that and she told him that if he is just looking for a good time though to pass me by cause Im not that girl and if he wants something real then I would be a good catch. A couple days later he tells her that he is just concerned about being involved with a coworker and she told him that his ex has already been involved in 2 relationships since their breakup and he agreed that it shouldn't be a big deal. He continues to pursue me and we go on a few dates and I'm really starting to dig him although he never has kissed me. After the first date he told me that he had a really good time and we should do it more often to which I agreed. We have been talking on the phone daily for the last 2 weeks. About 6 months ago before I was even interested in him his ex came to me at work and was telling me that she went to a bar that she normally hangs at (she said Josh never goes there)and she was there with a guy when she noticed Josh was there so she told the guy she was with not to touch her cause Josh was there and she was going to talk to him for a bit. While she was talking to him she said her date came up from behind her and put his arms around her and that Josh got pissed, she could tell. I don't know why she told me this cause we never discussed her and him before nor have we since. Maybe she had a feeling that he liked me or something and she just wanted to make sure that I knew that he was still pining for her On one of our dates I asked him why they broke up and he said that she would get mad at him for just drinking one beer and that she used to go to all his baseball games and shooting hoops with the guys and that eventually stopped and then she got to where she didn't want him to go either. He said he couldn't take her trying to control him so much and so he finally told her that he would be moving out on a certain day he said he thinks that she thought that he wouldn't do it but he did. He said sometimes he thinks that maybe they will get back together and then he always comes back to the idea that it will just be the same crap again. Last night we were supposed to go to a movie together and some friends were going to. He had been out jet skiing all day and so he was supposedly running late so some other friends came to pick me up. The movie started and he wasn't there so I text messaged him and he was still in our town in a bar, drunk and he said he wasn't coming that he had been in a jet ski mishap and that he was sorry to stand me up that its not his style but he is just in a really weird place right now in his life and its not anything to do with me. I told him I was mad at him and he said he doesn't need everyone thinking he's a jerk. I called him when I got home and he said he was no longer drunk and that everytime he starts to hang out with someone he feels like he is cheating on his ex and he asked if I ever felt that way and I said no, every guy I liked for last 2 years has been on the rebound. I really didn't know what the hell to say to him but I was really starting to be into him and just cant believe this is happening again. I think his ex is playing games with him because a couple weeks ago when him and I went to a party he ran into some old friends and they were all going to a bar (the same bar his ex goes to) the next weekend and he went too. While he was there he was text messaging me and being his flirty self. The next day I was talking to another coworker and she told me that Josh's ex called her the night before and told her that she had heard that Josh was going to be at her bar and she was going to walk in with 2 guys and wanted the other girl to go with her but she didn't so I couldn't get any info on what took place there and I never told Josh about this and am not sure whether I should now or not? Any suggestions? Also am not sure whether I should tell him now about what his ex told me 6 months ago about the guy at the bar with her. Seems to me like she is toying with his emotions and I don't know if its cause she still wants him or is she just being a b****? He also told me that he never has anything to do with his ex anymore and only sees her at work. He said he will call me today and I really don't know what to say to him so could you please give me some help, I would really like to try to make this work but am afraid so much of being hurt as well.... Should I ask him if he still loves her? Or how he feels about me? Or if this is something he can get through if we take it really slow? Please help!

I have an update on my entry titled Was I used and a question for yall. I wish I knew how to make a link to that entry on here but I dont. He finally called me one day and said he was just going through his old cell phone and couldnt recall whos number this was so he decided to call to find out, I didnt say anything to him about the lameness of this excuse and we just talked for a few. At the end of this chat I said we should hang out sometime and he said okay, well i will call you. About a month goes by and I dont hear from him again. About a month later... I see him alot on my way home from college and he always waves at me and one day just before Thanksgiving I had a guy friend in the car with me and then again a couple weeks later the same thing happened, I saw him and I had another guy friend in the car. I finally hear from him again just before Christmas and he tells me that he had been trying to figure out my phone number for 2 days and just trying all the prefixes he could think of till he finally hit upon it. So I told him that about a week earlier I had gotten drunk and tried to call him and he said "Oh, drunk dialing, that was a booty call." He told me what days he had off for Christmas and said maybe we will go out for a drink Saturday or Sunday to which I said okay and I never heard anything from him that weekend, I even called and left him a message on Sunday saying if we arent going to hang out then let me know so I can do something else. I heard nothing. One week later he calls me again on my way home from work and I let it go to my answering machine, he says to call him back and I wait for a couple of days to return his call and then we just talk again and he offers nothing in the way of what happened the weekend before. 2 weeks later I send him a text message asking him what hes doing that weekend and he replies he didnt know yet so I asked him if he wanted to hang out and he just quit responding. A couple days later I called him on the phone and spoke to him and he again acted as if nothing happened but was very nice and sounded hurt when I had forgotten what color one of his cars was. Now I am just going to wait I suppose and see if he calls me again, I really want to see him more than just flying by each other at 60 mph on the freeway but maybe this is just the pace at which he has to go for now? I dont understand why he would try to make plans with me and then not keep them and why he goes into shut down mode and just quits responding. Maybe the time he asked to get together over the weekend at Christmas he had too long to think about it beforehand and then freaked. He keeps me in such a confused state but at least we are talking again. Any suggestions as to his frame of mind would be appreciated and also any suggestions on what would be the best approach for me to take with this guy.

Wow!! I havent checked this post for a few days now and was surprised to find so many replies. After catching up on them the last couple of pages have made me wonder if I should have worded my post a bit differently and actually said, Am I exposing myself too soon by returning calls right away and being available for a guy? I also believe that I have been guilty of putting all the cards on the table too soon, but am not really sure of what it is that I shouldnt be saying or doing. I know that if I mention relationship it usually sends a guy into a panic, but other than that could someone please tell me what these cards are that I am supposed to be holding onto and for how long? Thanks for all of the replies on this, yall are great!!!

It is beginning to appear to me as if guys like it when a girl plays hard to get as in not always being available and not returning calls right away etc. and if I show a guy that I like him by returning calls right away etc. they seem to run off. This just makes no sense to me at all and it seems so odd to pretend as if you arent interested if you really are. So, guys this is a question for you, does it make you like a girl more if shes a bit of a challenge? Girls, do you find that guys are more interested if you play hard to get?

The last relationship I was involved in ended 10 months ago due to his infidelity. I am totally over it and ready to move on but the only guys I seem to attract are all on the rebound. The first one was fresh out of a 4 year relationship and that was 2 months after the break up for each of us. Then about 6 months after I met a guy that was even fresher out of a 4 year relationship and just recently I met another rebounder that is 3 months out of an engagement. Has this ever happened to anyone out there? Do you know if theres some reason I keep attracting these rebounders or is it just rotten luck?

DBL, I have an update, I spoke with his brother about it briefly and he said that ever since he and his fiancee broke up he gets into relationships really fast and from this I assume that I am not the first. I have since my post spoken to this guy and told him how I felt and he seems okay with it and said that since he likes me he is willing to slow it down.

I havent asked him if I am the first but that is probably something that I should ask him, do you think? I was already sort of wondering the same thing myself, which if I am the first wouldnt be good thing. The last 2 guys I have started seeing have all been just out of a relationship and so I havent had much luck with that scenario at all.

I just met a guy day before yesterday through a friend and we met at a restaraunt for dinner, I have a class in college with his little brother. He paid for dinner and that was fine. The next day my friend and I went to the mall and he wanted to meet us there and I was at the counter to pay for a shirt and pair of sunglasses and I had my debit card in my hand waiting for the cashier to take it while I spoke to my girlfriend that was there and when I turned back around he had put his card up there and paid for my purchase, it made me feel pretty weird since I barely know him and all. That same night he wanted me to come to his place for awhile and I met him at a store to follow him there. When he got to the store he had a red rose and the cutest giraffe stuffed animal for me. A lot of girls would probably eat this up and think what the hell is she complaining about? But I am not used to it and it seems to be too much too soon so I want to say something to him but dont want to hurt his feelings cause I am interested in him and attracted to him, I just dont want another repeat of my first 2 posts on here and for it to crash as quick as it began. He told me that he was engaged to be married before and his fiancee couldnt keep her legs together and that he went into a depression and lost a lot of weight and has gained 15 pounds of it back. So I would assume that they have been apart for at least a few months but I need to ask him to be sure. Maybe his ex was very materialistic or possibly she left him for someone who bought her lots of stuff so he thinks this is what he has to do, I dunno. I would like presents now and then to remind me that he cares eventually if it goes that way, but right now it feels.... odd. Any suggestions on how I can tell him this without discouraging him from ever doing it in the future?

I am seeking advice on whether guys like to think it is their decision to go ito a realtionship with someone. It seems as though everytime i get involved with someone and mention relationship....they freak. I will admit that sometimes I probably do it too soon out of fear of being hurt and not wanting it to go too far only to be let down later. Would I be better off to just try and curb those fears and use the sneak attack, where he keeps getting more involved without realizing it sort of thing and then wait for him to bring it up?

I really appreciate everyones advice. I love this place cause you can get both male and female views and above all else honesty, not just someone trying to make you feel better. You have made me see some things that I may have missed otherwise and I will try not take his actions so personally and just let it go and time will tell. BTW, saw him today on the road and he waved and no, I didnt flip him off, for those wondering. Thanks again for the input. You will probably be hearing a lot from me since it seems to be open season on my heart lately.

I met this guy through some friends who set us up and we hit it off great. I am 19 and he is 25. He just recently got out of a 4 year realtionship. He was very attentive right off the bat with a few phone calls a day and taking me to dinner and also making future dates such as a company picnic he wanted to take me to in September. About a week after we started seeing each other he told me that his ex came by his job to get his last months share of the rent. He no longer lives with her, and he told me that he just wanted me to know that he doesnt want me to think that they are still having sex because they are not and that was the first time he has ever seen her that he felt absolutly nothing for her at all and that he was so excited about this that he bought a beer to celebrate when he got home to his new roommate. I met his parents and he met mine and he went to a concert with my Mom and I. I thought he was so sweet and so different from other guys that I have met and we ended up having sex, probably too soon. After this I started thinking that maybe he was just on the rebound and so I asked him in a text message where I stood with him causeI didnt want to be just helping him get over the ex. He took a couple of days to answer me although we were still talking to each other, maybe he just couldnt find the right timing to answer or needed to think awhile. Anyway he finally told me that he was in it for real and that he wasnt out to just see what he could get. He also said that he wanted a relationship eventually but wanted to get to know me better. We didnt get to see each other for about 3 days after this due to our work schedules, but i did see him for just a few minutes Friday night and he kissed me and everything seemed fine. We had plans to go to the zoo together on Sunday. He went out with a bunch of friends on Saturday night (I had to work) and Sunday he called to tell me that his nephew was sick (he was going to the zoo with us) and that he no longer wanted to go and he was going to go ahead and do something else with his brother instead and for me to call him later. I tried for 2 days to call with no answer which was very odd since he was always very attentive. I finally had to *67 my number to trick him into answering the darn phone and I asked him what the problem was, and he said that he just got out of a 4 year relationship and doesnt know what he wants right now but he thinks he just wants to have fun and it isnt fair to me to drag me along through it but he still wants to be friends. That was almost 2 weeks ago and I havent seen any effort on his part to be friends, I also havent seen him around town to see how he reacts either. But I left one of my sweatshirts at his house and have been trying to get it back and he wont return my calls. My question is do you think this sounds like it has relationship potential down the line somewhere or was i used? I kind of feel like either one is possible but am so confused. Guys just boggle my mind........