Can someone try to make sense of this guy for me?

[Amp33]

So there's a man I met online, and we ended up meeting for coffee and things really took off, immediate chemistry. We hungout every other day or so for about three weeks. I had a slight feeling that maybe the relationship wasn't right, but I was also hoping perhaps he would ask me to be his girlfriend and then we could see how things went from there.

 

Well.. After a month of spending time together, (and yes we were sleeping together as well) I thought he was going to ask me to be his girlfriend. But instead he told me that he wasn't sure as to what my intentions were, but that he jumped the gun and realized he wasn't ready for a relationship. I totally understand. I told him it was fine. He said he would like to keep in contact but not hangout or talk as much. Again I understood and said yes that was fine and I had no problem with it.

 

Well it's been well over a week since he's said that, and yet he still texts me daily and still asks to hangout whenever he has free time. We've been hanging out but I told him if we are not going to date, then no sex. He agreed. But I find it odd how he was the one who said he didn't want to spend much time together yet he's always asking me to hangout, and we'll cuddle a little bit and watch tv, and we chat constantly....

 

he is also very kind and respectful. We have very similar history, family issues, several schools we both went to, so there is chemistry and understanding between us.

Explanation?

I'm very familiar with men trying to use me and only wanting sex, but we no longer have sex so I don't know why his mind has changed, or if it has?

[SpottiOtti]

Hmmm. It sounds like he's legit - he really doesn't want a relationship right now. The rest is just details. But my question is, if you do want a relationship, what are you wasting your time on him for? You don't just want friendship with him, that much is obvious.

[missmarple]

I think he's probably dating someone else, too, and is trying to make a choice.

[Amp33]

Hmmm. It sounds like he's legit - he really doesn't want a relationship right now. The rest is just details. But my question is, if you do want a relationship, what are you wasting your time on him for? You don't just want friendship with him, that much is obvious.

 

To be honest I'm in no rush for a relationship. I'm just as happy making friends. I told him flat out that I obviously had feelings for him, but that I'm mature enough to stay friends if that's what he was interested in.

[sk22545]

His behavior seems strange to me. My best guess is that he enjoys your company and wants to continue hanging out as friends until he finds someone else he's 100% sure he wants to date. If it doesn't work out with other women, then he still has you on layaway. "I'm not ready for a relationship" is not a real reason to become romantically disinterested in someone.

[Capricorn3]

I get the feeling he's keeping you on a string while he fishes around for someone else. In other words, you're not "THE one", but just a stop gap while he looks for another.

[Ms Darcy]

Agree with Capricorn. He is keeping you as a friend and cuddle buddy but is looking for someone who has that it factor for him.

[Batya33]

Agree with Capricorn and Darcy and I would stop giving him the privilege of your precious free time if all he wants is a hang-out buddy. It doesn't matter if you two are right on paper -he doesn't see potential. It also doesn't matter if you are in "no rush" - huge difference. You're in no rush but see potential for the long term - he's on a completely different wavelength -he enjoys hanging out with you but doesn't see long term potential or have the mindset of that ever happening.

[fifregister]

Not clear from your post what YOU want and expect out of this guy & dating in general?

 

Those who say they are ok being friends are just denying themselves of truly fulfilling experiences when they want more.