pfbsurf Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 Moving on that is Well, the day is here. Broke up w/her 2 weeks ago - with no resistance on her part. Its been tough, and there were some basic text exchanges (her initiating) but no calls, and no attempt at reconciliation. I miss her and I know she misses me, but it just wouldn't have worked out long term I've been depressed, and dreading this wknd. We were supposed to attend a wedding. (her friend) I was obsessed w/whether she would take some new guy Well, shes taking her good guy friend. I checked her FB. One last time. Then disabled my acct. There they were - "road trip" pic. She looked stunning as usual. They are most likely there as friends - honestly it could have been worse. But the whole thing is sad to me right now... In any event, I feel that this is important in some sort of "closure" way. I am going to try very hard to move on completely. The FB checking was not healthy and not real NC. Any hope in my mind was just based in fantasy and any getting back together would have just postponed moving on. I have a full life. A great job, health and hobbies, and three wonderful sons - and having a clear head and positive attitude, every day, is so important. I just haven't had that for many months. But, now Im ready. Goodbye Steph. I love you and truly hope you find happiness. I am also moving on from ENA posting. Scrambling PW - its pretty effective. This site is incredibly helpful, but it can be a crutch too esp for someone like me with an obsessive mind. Thank you all for your words and guidance. It really helped me at a very tough time Good luck to all of you. And wish me luck! P Link to comment
Xylitol Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 It's ok to always love her, just understand that not everything works out. I hope you find someone in your life that clicks with you. And i don't consider enotalone a crutch, as my father would say: everyone is dependend on someone. The difference is whether you have a life of your own to live, or whether you unhealthy put your precious emotions into the hands of people who treat them badly, and that's something you need to avoid. Stay realistic and go for concrete things that add value to your life. Link to comment
pfbsurf Posted June 23, 2014 Author Share Posted June 23, 2014 My God, this is so hard. (by the way, still here I haven't blocked her phone. She texted me last night that she missed me at the wedding. We joked a bit by text, just like old times. just a few, then i went to sleep, not answering her last text. I woke up around 1130 and texted that I did miss her... She responded this morning. "i miss you too. A lot". She was never very emotional in her texts so that came as a surprise. I am so confused. I am struggling so much and just want to see her. I thought it would be worse if she had found someone or had just disappeared. I have not texted her back, but I need to figure out how to handle this so I don't lose my mind. There are no right answers. No Contact is like severing my arm right now. Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 There is nothing to be surprised about. Everyone misses the person that they were with --- it doesn't mean getting back together. Cut off your arm. You will grow another. Link to comment
pfbsurf Posted June 23, 2014 Author Share Posted June 23, 2014 Or just make do with one arm... What is tough for me is that, at 47, she is really the only person I've ever felt this way about. Maybe my ex wife very early on, but since then, its been pretty easy-going with women. I've gone from being angry at S to missing her terribly. The future looks very, very lonely right now. I am so tempted to stay in touch, to see if she wants to meet up, even if its just one last time. I can't imagine that being worse than what I'm feeling. So many people on this site have had it worse in relationships, but a broken heart is a broken heart. Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 One last time....will bring you back to day 1. It would be worse. Link to comment
pfbsurf Posted June 23, 2014 Author Share Posted June 23, 2014 I can't imagine it feeling worse than I feel right now. But I am sure it is like a drunk going on one last bender before he quits "for good". Link to comment
pfbsurf Posted June 23, 2014 Author Share Posted June 23, 2014 on a side note. Day three of my first ever AD - zoloft. Feel TERRIBLE. anxious, tired, nauseous. I guess that would be for a different thread... Link to comment
pfbsurf Posted June 24, 2014 Author Share Posted June 24, 2014 Day 4. Panic attack. Never had one in my life before. Doc just took me off Zoloft. I pray things get better. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.