Getting worse before you get better, normal?

[sobriquet]

She broke up with me, 8 year relationship. Breakup occurred in late March, last time I saw her was the first week of April to exchange keys. When she came over to drop off keys I suggested leaving keys in the mailbox because we didn't need to see each other. She insisted coming over and we ended up cuddling and being affectionate for hours before she left. Last contact was several texts/calls all on the same day in early May when she was attempting to give me some things but I ignored all contact. I was afraid she'd come over and end up cuddling/being affectionate, and equally afraid she'd just come over and drop the stuff off, I'd see her for 2 minutes and she'd leave. I don't know what would have been worse. Again, it was something she could have left in the mailbox, but she wanted to see me, and was upset that I was ignoring her.

 

So it's been 2 months since the breakup, about 2 months since I last saw/spoke to her, she has not tried to contact me since that one day early May. I was actually okay at first, and have gradually been getting worse. Everyone advocates NC to heal, which I've done. Is there something about 2 months that makes it even more difficult? Some days are better than others, I'm overall depressed though, I can't lie about that. I do my best to keep busy, I run 4 times a week, lift weights, read/tv/movies, hang out with friends when I can but most of my friends have moved away. I still can't see myself with anyone but her, I'm not really even attracted to other females yet so I haven't tried dating/meeting new women.

 

My anxiety about the breakup seems to be getting worse with time, not better. Ever day seems like a bit more of a struggle than the last. Is this the gradual loss of hope and the realization that it's really over? I assumed every day would get a little better. Today, for example, I'm at work and all I want to do is text her. I'm not going to, I just need to make it through the day, get home and take a nap, zone my mind out. Sleeping is the only thing I can do that I don't think about her. I likely dream about her, who knows, but I don't remember my dreams. My brain has become the ultimate multi-tasker in terms of thinking about my ex. She's on my mind no matter what I'm doing, I can't even zone out during movies.

 

I've read so much about breaking up, guides, sites, books, stories, and I generally want to get better. Is it normally to gradually get worse before you start getting better?

[stateofgrace]

You were together for a long time and this break up is still fairly fresh. It is normal to feel worse before feeling better. It all happens in time. You need to go through the phases. Just keep up with no contact (you're doing well with that, it'll set you back if you break it now) and just keep on truckin'. I know it seems like it's taking forever to heal, but it'll happen with time. Just focus on yourself. If your anxiety is getting worse, perhaps go see a doctor or a therapist to talk things out. There's no shame in that.

 

The cheesiest, most TRUE thing I can tell you is that it all gets better with time. Honestly. Just take it easy on yourself, don't beat yourself up. It's going to be tough some days, easier on others, but you'll get through it. Just make the conscious effort to move forward instead of backwards and sooner than later, you'll start feeling better. Don't fret about not being into other women yet, that'll come with time too, once your heart heals a little more.

 

Keep your head up, good luck

[radiance]

Firstly, well done with how you've handled this so far. It sounds like a tough time, but you seem to know the healthiest way to deal with it and are going about it in the best way. So keep it up.

 

Everyone deals with breakups differently, but generally, you will feel worse before you feel better. Sadly, it's never just a gradual process where you feel just a little better every day until everything is fine. You will have good days and bad days, and if you plotted your daily moods on some kind of chart, they'd likely be all over the place, and the worst part is you'll never really be able to pinpoint why they're up or down.

 

But the important thing to remember is, this WILL get easier and you WILL feel better. It will hurt, and it may take a while. Maybe weeks, or months. But eventually, if you stay strong and keep doing all of the healthy things you're doing, you will recover from this, and you will be stronger for it.

 

Best of luck.

[SooSad33]

Yes.

Everything is still very fresh. YOu'll have your good and bad days.

The ups and downs are normal and it comes 'in waves'. It is very painful, I know.

 

I had a 5 yr relationship and it's taken it's toll on me. I needed anxiety med's and therapy from the damage done.

It's been a year now and things are more less in the 'up', now.

 

Throughout this time.. I did give in and see him a few times in the first 6 mos. But after 9 months.. my heartache and tears slowed down a bit.

He still has 'tried' to get me to meet up with him for coffee as he was 'in town', but i didn't! I didn't reply back at all.

I've learned to keep my ground as it was 'his choice' to do this * Lie & mess around*.

I will have no more to do with him. And I can Not be friends with my ex's. Not for me.

 

Give it time... time is all we have in this.

Take care of you as you are.

 

good luck

[zyketti]

I feel you man..

 

I'm coming out of a 1.5 year relationship (had a 7 year relationship beforehand too, so I know them feels), and yeah it got really bad until it hit a turning point and just said fk it. She's not worth this pain. Just decided to man up and deal with the painful experiences.

 

That is not to say I am not feeling what you're feeling.. I still feel sad, and I am more scared to get my feelings hurt than anything. I am scared to talk to her because of what she may say to me. I am scared to hear that maybe she has a new boy in her life or boyfriend. She has a ton of guy friends too, and it's not making it any easier. It does slowlllyyy get better though… I'm at a point where I have no absolute feelings for my first ex (BU 2 years ago) even though she is very beautiful (more than my recent ex I want to feel that way about my recent ex as soon as I can.

 

Anyways, yes it does get a bit worse before it gets better. When everyone said "it gets better with time", I just said BS because it was hurting more as time went by haha. Then you just hit a peak and everything gradually settles down.

[Blinker]

You sound like you are at the exact same point as myself.

 

I have been NC since end of Feb, neither of us have tried to contact each other, this is why it is hard, I did see her Facebook briefly last week which mashed my head up quite a bit.

 

It feels like you meant nothing and I too think about my ex all the time while trying to live a normal life.

 

There is no easy way to do it.