One and half year since BU

[WindyCityGirl]

I know most people may disagree, but I think if you really do love her and want to give it another chance, maybe you should talk to her sister. Maybe tell the sister how badly you feel about what happened (without going into too many details), and ask her what she thinks is the best way to reach your ex or if she thinks you even have a chance.

 

I think of myself as extremely stubborn, and if a man went through all the trouble of reaching out to my family and expressing regret and asking how I might feel, then I MIGHT consider reconciliation. I would certainly be more likely to think about it some more.

 

P.S. Please never allow a relationship to end again if you think deep in your heart you might love the woman because many women are very proud and will never forgive a man for hurting them (even if she does love you deep down inside).

 

Good luck! You seem like a nice person, and I hope it works out in your favor !

[Ms Darcy]

Reconciliation doesn't come from you saying sorry. It comes because she FEELS that fire for you. She made it clear to your face that it was time to move on. And if she changed her mind, she would have known that you would welcome a call from her.

 

All of this nonsense is derailing your healing. Nearly 2 years later, it's time for you to move on.

[micro]

I would like to thank you all for advices.

 

I must say that I'm very close to moving on.

I don't have urge to start anything with my ex, like I had it several months ago.

I'm only sorry because unfortunate circumstances led us to separate.

We had had potential to be a dream team. We had been very compatible.

 

I will be much wiser in the future - thank you Windy

This I will try to solve by being pragmatic and by keeping in mind all potential risks.

 

Thanks again for your support.

 

Best!

[WellingtonC]

sup dude, I read your post a few days ago and really related to your situation. Just thought that I would throw my 2c into the mix for those reading this thread. Long story short I am in a similar position to you. 1.5 years after a relationship and I'm not quite there yet. I would not say that I still love her, when I think about it, I do not feel the same way that I did when we were together, but I do still think about her a lot and-like a lot of people mention around here- I miss that connection that we had, I have dated other girls and done so much with my life since the breakup, years ago but have not been able to make that same connection again. The only way to describe this place is "relationship purgatory", not quite heaven not quite hell- and not quite there yet

 

Anyways as fate would have it, I ended up in her city and decided to do the one last thing that I had not tried yet. I went and saw her. My bag got lost on the flight over there, I had not slept in 26 hours and lets just say that when I saw her-stressed out, I made every rookie mistake in the book But I did gain something. It was plain as day to see that she had moved on, so much so that she was being quite rude with regards to somethings (talking about sexual sh*t) and had forgotten a lot of those other "special" things we shared together. haha. I read somewhere around here that it is arrogant to think that people you once loved would remember those moments, in the end really it is you doing the remembering and not them. So yup I totally agree, she had moved on and that evening, I was sad- but happy and proud for her to see she had achieved what I had not.

 

A week later before leaving her city, I decided to write the goodbye letter, the one that I meant to send years ago when we broke up. I said my goodbyes and after I got home, after seeing first hand, with my own eyes just how much she did not care anymore. Magically those thoughts stopped, for the first time since I dont know when.....until i got an email two weeks later saying "i wish we could have met under better circumstances" blah blah. Words are piss and wind bro, only actions count, anyways those sneaky thoughts of her came creeping back.

 

It has been over a month now since I saw her, I have thought about it a lot, so what can I offer?

 

-do like everyone keeps saying here. Keep moving on- keep working out (I find this helps a lot), keep learning new things, new hobbies etc etc etc. Keep leading your life in a new direction. Even more so, as a man, exercise your ability to make a plan bro, plan how you are going to get from here to there. There is something very powerful about doing this, as a man- following through with what you say you are going to do- gives, well me at least, a sense that I am getting the power back in my life. I find this has and is helping a lot.

 

-Also think back to how you felt just after the breakup. How did you feel 3 months after, 6 months after, one year, now? Has it changed. When I think in time frames like that, I can see that I am moving on, maybe slowly but moving on none the less.

 

-Oh yes and try new flavours of ice cream

 

All the best my man!

[micro]

Hi WellingtonC.

 

Thank you very much for your post.

I found it very interesting and helpful. It also reminded me on several situations with my ex.

 

We all come here during emotional downs seeking for solution for our situation.

During these states we are not our real selves. Even if we have experienced several painful breakups during our life including all their stages, we regularly come here after each new BU.

Some people here maybe know what they should do, but they are not able to force themselves due to emotional roller coaster they are going through.

 

All these good people at ENA help us to get back on right track.

 

And this right track - solution to our problem is a very simple thing. One may say, easy to achieve.

We just have to emotionally detach ourselves from our exes.

Easier said than done.

 

We fool ourselves with thoughts that they will come back if we show them more attention, more love...

We have hopes....Sometimes they come true, but in general they are false...

 

This is because our emotions during these periods are stronger than our logic.

 

As time passes, these emotions fade, and our actions are more based on logical thinking and instincts.

 

Said that, based on my experience there one thing that helps:

 

Having clear closure - which means admitting to ourselves that until the end of our lives we will never be together with our exes again.

This means no hopes at all.

The end.

 

Then the new life starts and new opportunities.

 

All other things usually mentioned do help, but above one is I think crucial.

 

I have needed more than one and a half year to come to this stage.

If I had had the closure earlier, I probably would have moved on sooner.

 

This last situation was "interrupting" my closure. She was giving me new hope.

 

But now having this knowledge it is easier to make rational decisions.

And the fate will do its part.

 

I hope that this will provide some help to other ENAs.

 

Best!

[WellingtonC]

Cheers for your insight too micro, I appreciate it, words of wisdom my man.