Lovelavie Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 I feel like I'm the only one bringing us together... During the week we're both busy and all and he stops by every once in a while when we have a couple hours of free time, but during the weekends and holidays we have the whole day free! However, he says he'd rather do other stuff than hanging out with me and that ranges from sleeping to going over to his friend's house, so we end up seeing each other after 10 p.m. Which doesn't leave us with many options besides going out to drink or clubs, and that's when we have the money. We can never do activities in the afternoon together and I've talked to him about this and even argued about it but nothing has changed. When he's drunk or happy he'll say he'll come over early and we will hang out for the whole day but that never happens. I get upset because during this time I can't call a friend to go out because they're all too busy with their bfs and every time I try to get only the girls together I get a no. I feel like I'm the only girl who doesn't have the right to want to be with her boyfriend and he says we're not married so we shouldn't be spending a lot of time together (what???), so I don't even make plans with him that involves the morning or afternoon because it never works out. I love him and this relationship could be so easy going but we always end up discussing about this and we get nowhere. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 He's seeing you as an option, rather than a priority. I'm sure you do love him, but you're hitting a brick wall, and you need to make a decision on where this is going. You can't change him, nor can you fix him, as this has to come from within him. Link to comment
jjkk Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 How long have you been together, how old are you two, and how serious do you see this relationship going? That information will help me think of some advice. Link to comment
shellyf62 Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 He would rather spend time with his friends or sleeping, so you aren't a high priority in his life I am sorry to say. If he only sees you are 10pm at night then you are a booty call Dump him & find someone who respects you & wants to spend time with you. You deserve so much more than this guy is giving you. Link to comment
Lovelavie Posted May 1, 2014 Author Share Posted May 1, 2014 20 and 21, been together for 6 months only. However, I believe in long term relationships and considering I'm still young but not too young for a serious relationship then I do like to believe that it will last. Link to comment
jjkk Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 20 and 21, been together for 6 months only. This may just be what he's used to, however I think it's concerning that you've mentioned it to him and nothing has changed, no compromises. Maybe you could plan something on a weekend afternoon/evening that involves both of your friends and their significant others, too? Every few weeks suggest you all meet at a park, have a bbq or something. He must still really value time w/ his friends and if you're all together then everyone wins, you too, because you get time w/ him and your gfs. If he's willing to do this maybe that will help shift things a bit w/ time on the weekends together. If he isn't willing to budge at all on this then I agree w/ the others, he sees you more as a booty call. Sorry. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 I hate to say it, but you aren't his girlfriend. You're a booty call that he keeps behind closed doors on purpose, so you never get to meet his friends and family or be a part of his life. Don't believe me? Tell him no more sex until he takes you out to his next get-together with his friends and that unless he takes you on a proper date you aren't going anywhere with him. And he's not welcome to drop by whenever he feels like it. See how fast it takes him to suddenly disappear. Or you tell him, "No problem, I'm going out with my friends too." Then you never be home when he does drop by since really you do know what this is and it's not a relationship. But he wants you there for whenever he wants sex, so he lies to you rather than admit you're an FWB and free to go your own way and find someone who is serious about making you their girlfriend. He's lying to you, but if he were serious about a relationship with you then you'd be a part of his life. Not excluded and relegated to "I come see you after hours when no one else is around." Link to comment
shellyf62 Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 So what do you actually do when you are together? It doesn't seem like you spend all that much time doing things, so I am not sure if you can class it as a relationship. I wouldn't want to be with someone who sees me as an option & places me at the bottom of his list of priorities. If he is like this now, he is never going to change, no matter how much you nag him. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Only 6 month in and he doesn't want to spend time with you? You are a booty call. Dump him! Link to comment
annie24 Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 ugh, another vote for "booty call, not gf." If he doesn't want to spend time with you, I'd say you're not his gf... sorry. Link to comment
delicous Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 What do you see yourself doing in the next 5 years, 10 years from now? Once you can sit down and sort that question out, focus on how you plan on getting there........This will take stress off of the relationship, cause you to give some space to him and for yourself more importantly...... Don't text him anything but fun, exciting things, jokes...stuff he doesn't need to have pressue to respond right away to. Don't call him anymore, or pursue him to come hang out with you...Let him go.....and make time for yourself, I don't care what it is, just get BUSY doing something else...anything else but crawling up this "emotionally unavailables mans butt".......... thats what he is...unavailable except when it's convenient for him... You can get him out of this stage by loving yourself more. This doesn't mean be a bish to him if he calls, just let him know "sorry baby, I got some stuff to do, maybe later on this week, or next week..Super Busy....".... But what's better is not lying to him but actually being busy...... Read my post "Pros and cons..." Perhaps it will help you? You are so young, do your own thing, let him chase you...and whatever you do, don't give into to his booty calls anymore...let him know you won't be home, you are busy..... Link to comment
Lovelavie Posted May 2, 2014 Author Share Posted May 2, 2014 Well, we go out to eat or drink, or we go to clubs because we're both fans of electronic music but sometimes we don't have the money so we usually go to a friend's house or something, which is fine for me... However all of his friends and my friends are in a relationship, these past two months all the ones that weren't in one suddenly started one, and when we get together, all of our friends were with their bfs and gfs before we meet up except for my bf and I, so basically all of them have had a little bit of time to be with each other while my bf comes to pick me up only at the time we set up with our friends! So basically, what time do we have for us and only us? That's my issue here... I know all his friends and family members, but it just bothers me that he can't appreciate spending an afternoon with me and we have to be around his friends or my friends all the time. Link to comment
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