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Meeting people when you don't have money to go out?


Coonsy

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Okay, I've read up on this, I've tried a bunch of things, but basically my question is how do you ACTUALLY meet people outside of your "normal" circle when you don't have the money to be out blowing cash every weekend?

 

I'm just curious to see if I get some different ideas, here is the situation and how it came up:

So last night, I'm sitting at home. Bored. Alone with the pets. Okay, I needed a night off, so that was okay, but I knew today was going to be a full day of the same thing. I was trying to come up with some basically free things to do, and I came up empty handed and ended up watching netflix and surfing the web a bit. There are people I could get together with, but there's always a couple weeks a month where I, literally, don't even have the gas money to go somewhere, none the less pay for a beer or an appetizer with friends. I'm sick and tired of being the "broke" friend in my circle of friends - granted, when it comes to pay rates, I am at the lower end of that scale, plus a divorce a year and half ago strapped me with a bunch of bills that HAD been taken out with a dual income (that's a long story that I won't get into here).

 

I live in town, but there's not a lot to do in my town and most of my friends are spread out in various cities (it's the San Francisco bay area, just kinda how things are here). I've tried a couple meet up groups, but it seems like it's either a) couples b) people old enough to be my parents or c) the really nerdy types who can't manage a normal social interaction. Not that I'm any socialite, but it's something I've worked on and improved and I enjoy hanging out with people!

 

I'm trying the online dating thing (again) but seem to mostly find a bunch of pen-pals or fat, old dudes. Decent guys, semi-near my age seem hard to come by. I realize the dating pool is thinner by this point in one's life (35), but come on, it can't be THAT thin!

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Volunteering. For example, back when I was poor I used to volunteer at big music festivals and I met tons of other people my age, even got a few dates out of it and made new friends. Plus, because I was a volunteer, I got to see all the concerts for free. Win/win!!

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Which music festivals did you volunteer at? That does sound good

 

One was a big 2 week blues and world music festival, it was amazing! Another was a folk music festival, and another was an indie rock festival which also went on for 2 weeks. It was great, met so many people.

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Volunteering. For example, back when I was poor I used to volunteer at big music festivals and I met tons of other people my age, even got a few dates out of it and made new friends. Plus, because I was a volunteer, I got to see all the concerts for free. Win/win!!

 

I've done something similar by volunteering for disaster relief concert fundraisers. There wasn't a lot of socializing, a little bit, but doing a few of these I've gotten to meet more people in the community and see the concerts for free. You could get your friends to join you. There is an annual fundraiser for the food shelf that I volunteer for, and an annual auction for a local school, both a lot of fun. Volunteers eat together, and during the event meet tons of people in the community, and it's a good time.

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Volunteering. For example, back when I was poor I used to volunteer at big music festivals and I met tons of other people my age, even got a few dates out of it and made new friends. Plus, because I was a volunteer, I got to see all the concerts for free. Win/win!!

 

I would actually offer to volunteer to help the homeless, women abuse centers, big brother programs instead as a free date. If a woman accepted a date like this with me, i believe i would slowly start to fall in love already. A woman with a sweet heart is one of the few women who can open me up - when otherwise i keep a small shield up. The woman i would marry would be this kind of woman, because this is how my family is. But i doubt many would go through with it.

 

ok.. ive been listeing to too much Passenger Let Her Go.. i am getting all lovey all of a sudden...

 

Snap out of it Thor!

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I would actually offer to volunteer to help the homeless, women abuse centers, big brother programs instead as a free date. If a woman accepted a date like this with me, i believe i would slowly start to fall in love already. A woman with a sweet heart is one of the few women who can open me up - when otherwise i keep a small shield up. The woman i would marry would be this kind of woman, because this is how my family is. But i doubt many would go through with it.

 

ok.. ive been listeing to too much Passenger Let Her Go.. i am getting all lovey all of a sudden...

 

Snap out of it Thor!

 

 

Hey now that is a really cool idea, and a good way to check someone's character too right off the bat! Like if they balk at the thought of spending 4 hours together at a soup kitchen, then you know that maybe you don't share the same values. You should do this, maybe not for first dates, but like second or third, and if they get weird about it, well then you know...

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Hey now that is a really cool idea, and a good way to check someone's character too right off the bat! Like if they balk at the thought of spending 4 hours together at a soup kitchen, then you know that maybe you don't share the same values. You should do this, maybe not for first dates, but like second or third, and if they get weird about it, well then you know...

 

I just did... i said "would you do this with me in the future". I didnt like her response, so I am pretty much erasing her number now. She lives 3 blocks from me and grew up in the same neighborhood as me, youd figured she would want to help our community considering how bad we had it at one point.

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I just did... i said "would you do this with me in the future". I didnt like her response, so I am pretty much erasing her number now. She lives 3 blocks from me and grew up in the same neighborhood as me, youd figured she would want to help our community considering how bad we had it at one point.

 

Aw that's too bad, but this is a great litmus test. I'm gonna start doing this with dates too. I don't blame you for wanting to erase her number, I don't understand people that don't want to--or never think to--give back and help out.

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Aw that's too bad, but this is a great litmus test. I'm gonna start doing this with dates too. I don't blame you for wanting to erase her number, I don't understand people that don't want to--or never think to--give back and help out.

 

You are a sweetbear!!!

 

She apologized after I ignored her text afterward. She thought I was joking, she said I can be too goofy ans random to separate when I am trying to be serious.

 

On another note, my ex googled free dates and she found a lot of cool date ideas for us. Besides that, beaches, museums, or go shopping and tell her if she wants to come along because you need her help picking something out, then get some coffee at a cafe.

 

It's not that hard, I took girls out to cafes andspent 2 bucks on them. I told one to meet me at a park and we laughed at the little dogs at the dog park... Ya, little dogs make me laugh, the way they are... It's just tummy-ache funny to me.

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I'm in NorCal myself and I second the yes you need to have some money to really socialize out here, even if that's just gas/bus money to get somewhere. If you live in a walkable area that has stuff going on then the open mics someone suggested would be great, also poetry events. Although by walkable I mean safe to do at night, so your miles may vary on that.

 

Why not get a part time job in the evenings? It will boost your income and you might meet fun people...or at least get a discount at wherever you're working.

 

I was just going to say this! It's even better if you find one that isn't in the same field as your day job because then you aren't likely to get bored or feel burnt out. I pick up part time evening jobs all the time and usually there are interesting people there. The extra pay and the amusement beat sitting at home every time.

 

I also second the volunteering, but please pick something you're actually interested in. Yes there are a zillion groups out there desperate for extra help, but it helps no one if you are going into it halfhearted and then just quit shortly after. I keep a rotation of about 4 volunteer projects at a time and stick with them for at least a year. I may not have found my new bestie yet, but at the same time I like what I'm doing and meet new people so that beats sitting at home.

 

If there's a college nearby they always have free or low cost things going on that are generally open to non students as well. And no I don't just mean beer pong tournaments or sports lol. There are film screenings (independent, foreign, documentary, student made), performing arts (music, theater, ballet, etc), book clubs, volunteer activities, seminars/guest speakers, etc.

 

Also all of the museums and galleries out here have free museum days and discount days for special groups (seniors, students, AAA members, etc) and whenever I go I find that I'm not the only lone person that just couldn't stand being in the house solo and wanted to check out something interesting. Sometimes they also host free lectures, presentations, performances, and classes too.

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Sorry but who wants to spend their free time @ a homeless soup kitchen or women's abuse shelter? How depressing!!! I don't blame people for not going on a date to one of those places. I used to work with homeless people or victims of abuse and I can tell the last thing you want to be doing is that, even if you get paid for it! There is only some much you can give before all the bad stuff you hear/see makes you depressed.

 

It doesn't mean you don't have a heart, I'd rather be having fun with my spare time not helping out a homeless shelter all day. Maybe that's just me since I've worked in that area.

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Sorry but who wants to spend their free time @ a homeless soup kitchen or women's abuse shelter? How depressing!!! I don't blame people for not going on a date to one of those places. I used to work with homeless people or victims of abuse and I can tell the last thing you want to be doing is that, even if you get paid for it! There is only some much you can give before all the bad stuff you hear/see makes you depressed.

 

It doesn't mean you don't have a heart, I'd rather be having fun with my spare time not helping out a homeless shelter all day. Maybe that's just me since I've worked in that area.

 

I think it's more about discovering early on whether someone shares the same values as you do. If you do enjoy helping others and going to a soup kitchen doesn't depress you and it is important to you to help others in that way, then dating someone that shares those values would be a good idea, so better to find out sooner rather than later..

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I agree with happybear.

 

I don't understand your strong disagreement to that idea. It's not a bad idea, and some people would love it. I know I would and I tried to plan a volunteering for the homeless with my ex, we thought it to be an awesome idea to do. It's just about values and what you're willing to do. This is a really good idea, I think I'll use this in the future.

Other things: google, always have some random free stuff to do in the big cities. Make a picnic. See if there's any hiking spots or even biking. I'm sure there's even a poetry slam or some entertainment like that out there.

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I think it's more about discovering early on whether someone shares the same values as you do. If you do enjoy helping others and going to a soup kitchen doesn't depress you and it is important to you to help others in that way, then dating someone that shares those values would be a good idea, so better to find out sooner rather than later..

 

How does helping out in a soup kitchen once in a life time make you share the same values? There is nothing worse than those not committed to the cause of eradicating homelessness or physical/sexual abuse from society helping out once a year then saying goodbye. You either commit yourself full time to the cause or you don't. Your relationship litmus test just cheapens the whole reason those places are there in the first place and doesn't tell you anything about morals or shared values. And for what? So you can pat yourself on the back and say you made a difference? Trust me you are just a small cog in the wheel and another brick in the wall. You change nothing than your own self esteem by using this as a litmus test for relationships.

 

It will also just make the guy feel pressured into doing this because his girlfriend wants him too. Is that a good reason to help? No. And if you don't think people will notice that he doesn't want to be there, think again. As I said I'd rather spend my time with the significant other enjoying life, rather than being depressed working for an abuse shelter or soup kitchen in my spare time.

 

I've worked in abuse shelters, drug withdrawal units, homeless shelter's and I never want to go back in my free time unless I was getting paid to do it. Do I want to see a end to homelessness or child and women's abuse? ABSOLUTELY! But I've seen to much bad stuff and been assaulted enough times to know those places are not a good environment to spend your free time in and in fact you will never be able to make a difference unless you can affect true change in society at the political and policy level.

 

You can effect change in society but it's not by having one "date" at a homeless shelter or a women's abuse center.

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I totally see your point--Personally, helping others in such a way is not just a one-off thing for me. I volunteered at a soup kitchen for several months when I lived in a diff city. I also have volunteered long term at the food bank as well. I also belong to a group that knits woolen mitts/hats and then hands them out to the homeless in the winter. The only time I did one-off was at the animal shelter, it was too hard to look in the eyes of some of the animals--I wanted to take them all home so I never went back. I am saying that if this is something that you hold dear (helping/volunteering) and you do this regularly then maybe you want someone to also share that with you. I would prefer to date a guy that wanted to do these things--or is already doing them, and didn't feel uncomfortable or pressured to do them--so that we could do them together. Just my opinion

 

-Peace

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I am saying that if this is something that you hold dear (helping/volunteering) and you do this regularly then maybe you want someone to also share that with you. I wouldn't want to date a guy that didn't want to do these things, or felt uncomfortable or pressured to do them.

 

That's fine if you want to share your life with someone that's your needs and wants but I think you are putting to much pressure on the guy you would want to date in this case. If he doesn't want to go it doesn't mean he doesn't care or doesn't want to help people. He may just do it in his own way. The last thing you want is a guy to be fake around you, and I feel like you are setting yourself up for this wanting to share what is a very personal choice i.e to volunteer to help the poor.

 

He also may not like religious affiliated organizations just like me, I hate them myself mostly for pushing religion onto the vulnerable and poor in 3rd world countries and they/he might prefer helping/donating to non profits that are not affiliated with any type of religion.

 

I just feel your looking for something unrealistic.

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I dont think its that unrealistic. Women have asked me out to salsa lounges and i asked women to museums - i turned them off when i said id rather not do a salsa lounge thing for too long, and they turned me off when they said a museum for a date is a little corny. They can be dealbreakers to people, like small windows into what a person is about, if anything a discussion can be created from it at least, and you can measure the persons character. In my example, she saw me as boring, i saw her as single-minded. Quick to judge... yep, but that how it seems the dating world has shifted to.

 

Like for example, in your case minilgue, i am sure you meant well, but if a female told me she does helps the homeless, but said she wouldnt do it again even if she got paid for it, i would be turned off. That seems negative to me, a trait that might work its way in other situations where help or a depressed situation crops up. I am not saying you are this way (i wouldnt judge based on "posts" like a lot of forum posters here unfortunately do sometimes- i am sure you would better explain yourself in person or even through a phone conversation as to why), i am mostly saying in the dating world - you create your own rules. And i could be wrong and i misunderstood that person, but there is always a chance someone will say yeah and fit my criteria immediately.

 

Now, to be completely honest, i might balk at going to battered-womens shelter. I get really angry at seeing that, like extremely angry that i cant take it - that WOULD be too much for a first date for me - while she might find a side that cares in me, there are certain emotions and feelings i keep guarded from people i dont know too well (actually ALL people except for my parents). So i can understand the situation a bit, but its all on how you explain it. I'd honestly rather help at an animal shelter, or in a community center for kids, and work my way to the heavy stuff with someone.

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Thorshammer why is it such a turn off?

 

Just because they don't want to spend their free time at such a depressing place. Life is meant to be fun, not depressing. I wouldn't dump someone over not wanting to go to a animal shelter or community center. Sure you may feel good about yourself for a day but that's it, why drag someone into your miserable world. I honestly don't get it? And trust me you work in the industry long enough you will become jaded lime me. It's just natural.

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