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Am I weird? Anybody is like me?


lovinggirl

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Been with my man for 6 yrs, we're planning to get married soon.

The problem is every now and then, I have negative feelings about him. One day I would be so in love with him and admire him for his kindness and his good qualities but one day I would be disappointed by his decisions, his comments, his way of thinking, and seriously I would be so disgusted by him that I would think we're not compatible and he's not the one for me. Am I somewhat having mental problems?

I gotta be honest he's my first relationship, I was very picky with the guys that I didn't have a serious relationship until I met him.

I know nobody's perfect, I'm far from perfect too and no relationship is perfect, that's why I'm still with him because I keep reminding myself to love somebody is my decision, not something that I feel, because feelings fade.

 

Now, my questions :

1. Married people, do you ever feel like I feel every now and then with your partner? (Dislike and disgusted with their words, actions, and thoughts?)

2. If yes, how do you maintain the relationship and how do you change your "mode"? I used to express my dislike or "hate" (hate is such a strong word, but that's actually what I feel sometimes) to him, which I regret it sometimes.

 

 

Ok, an example :

My man is funny (that what made me fall in love with him at the first place) but he can be funny in immature way and it annoys me. Example, he always get in trouble because he's the master of procrastinating. Today when we talked on the phone and he somewhat tried to be funny but said the same thing over and over again. I told him, "OK honey, I feel like you're acting weird, I'm gonna hang up ok." and he said that's because he's filling out his business taxes that due today and he only have 15 minutes to complete it. I told him that he should have told me so I could let him go and focus on his taxes instead of multitasking and make a mistake on it. And somewhat his tone changed and he said, "that's so negative, you have to be more positive." I told him this is not about thinking positive or negative, anyway because I feel "disgusted" by his immaturity, I quickly said goodbye and tried to calm myself. That's why I'm here now. Wow, am I over-reacted? I just wish he could be more responsible and mature, but sometimes he's mature and kind and patient, and lots of qualities...but sometimes I really couldn't understand him.

 

Thanks for letting me vent and really appreciate all the 2 cents.

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In all the articles I've read about couples who have been together fifty, sixty, seventy years and are still happy together - one thing that crops up again and again is that they will all go through periods of being bored, irritated and sometimes even hating each other. There are many reasons for this. But what experience has taught them is that this is just a temporary phase, and that they will work through it and find love again.

 

This is a very good website for understanding how relationships work: link removed

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ahhhh....men....lol.

 

Honestly, i think we all feel a little disgusted with our partner when we've been with each other for years and years. He's probably disgusted with you sometimes too.

 

Try to change your mindset. Don't think of it as "disgusted" or hate, but as being disappointed....or just upset.

 

I read an article the other day, about and elderly woman who had been married like 70+ years. They asked her the secret to the longevity their marriage. She simply said, "neither of us fell out of love with each other at the same time." It struck such an honest chord in me. What's the old saying....can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

 

What i've found is NOT to sweep things under the carpet. Of course don't harp on every little thing....like pick your battles. But if you avoid all confrontation then you get resentful and things start brewing inside.

 

I bought all kinds of relationship books when my SO and i were breaking up. Go online and read about some of the best....and buy them. You can get them cheap and they are an eye-opener. How and why the SO acts the way he does...and how we react to it!

 

Best of luck.

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