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Is it time?


MariaC120

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Hello,

I wanted to share my experience because I would like some advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now. We live together and for the most part are relationship is good. We do not fight often and we enjoy each other company. Since we moved in together, I've notice he is very bad with spending. He also hates his job. So over time he decided to join school and do something he loves and get a better job. He is lazy and sometimes he needs that push to get him to do what he wants. He was going to school for a few months and then dropped out because he said it was too much work to go to school every day. He then decided to register again but as part time. I tried to help his decision any way I could. I also work as a paralegal and I go to school at night. There is days I do not come home until very late and he is asleep. Here where our problem occurs. I'm always the one that save the money and he has a habit of spending his last dollar on things that we do not need or that our not important. The problem is that is always asking me to loan him money because spends all of his. Sometimes he can pay me back and sometimes he can't but I am his girlfriend and we're suppose to support each other, right?

 

However, I have my bad days as well and sometimes I need assistance and someone that I could come to when I need help. But he so bad with money that I could never count on him. When he got his tax refund I told him to save a little chuck for a vacation this year and something incase of an emergency with his car, job, etc. He got a 3000 refund and in one week he spent it all on his car. The only reason I was upset was because he is always struggling with paying things on time, this could of helped him get on track.

 

Another thing, he hates his job, but when I advise him to apply to other jobs he doesn't push himself to do it. However, if he has a bad day, he is very quick to want to quit and I usually need to talk him out of it and advise him to better to look for another job while you have a job. But then things will get better at work and he will forget about applying.

 

For the past 3 days I've been working from 8am-6pm and then going to school and I dont come home until 11p. I come home and he with his friends. One day he spent the entire day at hooters with his friend. He didn't care to make dinner for us, knowing I was come home late because of school. He didn't clean up the house. However, he does expect me to do it when he is at work. He has promise me he would go to school and re-register. When it was the 3rd day and he hadn't clean the house, helped around the house, or anything to better himself, I kinda told him that I was getting tired of always pushing him. His response is that he tried of my nagging and ing. I got upset and told him and he been acting like a loser lately and not the guy I started dating. He got upset and left the house. He coming today to pick up his stuff.

 

Am I wrong? Do you think I made the wrong choice?

 

I do love him and love him for who he is. But lately, he becoming very irresponsible and expecting me to figure out everything from bills, problems, cleaning, etc. I don't think thats right. But am I asking for too much?

 

 

Another note, I was holding $300 for him as saving. As soon as the fight started, he said he wanted his $300. I said okay no problem but let be adults and settle everything at home and w.e is left I will transfer it to you. Rent is due today and now it all on me because he left and he didn't even care to talk about him. Yes, I am the one that help him all those times in the past when he had money problem. His cellphone is under contract is under my account and He didn't even want to talk anything. He just left. What do you guys thinks I should do? I am trying to do the right thing but I feel like Im going to loose someone I love because I wish he wanted a better life for US.

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No you're not wrong ONE BIT. You have every right to be upset about this whole situation. He does not help your life together at all... You said you love him for what he is but sometimes that's not enough. He can be loving and caring but if he's not one bit responsible, that's a huge problem for a future life.

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Youre definitely not wrong at all. You finally stood up for yourself. He wasnt contributing fair and thats never good. I used to be very bad when it came to money, I had alot of debt because of it but I smartened up and got myself out of debt - he will change when he wants to change unfortunately. All you can do is have a civil conversation with him (if possible) and try and get him to realize what's going on.

I had to give my boyfriend my credit card and my bank card to hold onto to make sure I stopped my spending habits. We sat down and figured out a budget for myself and on pay days he goes into my bank take out my 2 weeks worth of cash I am allowed to spend on myself and he holds onto everything else to make sure bills are paid on time and that so much goes into savings and paid off my debt. It doe seem almost extreme but that worked for me, I knew I couldnt be incontrol of my own money and someone needed to step in and help.

Your bf may need to realize how "rock bottom" you can get when you aren't smart with you money on his own before he realizes that you were mad for a good reason and he needs to smarten up.

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My daughters father is very much like this. When we were together, we had shared a bank account...and we were always paycheck to paycheck...it was always a struggle. He moved out...and now I have half as much going into my bank account (one income instead of 2), and the same living expenses...and yet, I have money left over every month (despite that I had to pay for our separation and custody agreement on my own)

 

Some people just suck at money. Either accept that this is how he is (and won't change- my ex is living rent free in his parents basement and is STILL broke) or move on. I suggest walking away.

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No, you are not wrong one bit. And I'd keep that $300 and tell him it's to pay for rent since he already lived there for the month and used the resources. Besides doesn't he owe you money? Come on, really this guy needs to grow up and you did the right thing by refusing to be mom any longer. You're going to school and working and you're doing it, right? So why should you lower your standards for someone who sounds like he doesn't want to work and who can't seem to get a grasp that he's beyond the age of 12 where money is spent on fripperies all the time.

 

I think once you have time to get past the initial hurt of the breakup you'll see that it's a relief to no longer have to support someone who just wanted a free ride. It's one thing to support someone you love, but that doesn't mean you literally have to completely support them financially, emotionally and however else while they do nothing in return and take advantage of you. Relationships are a two-way street, so next time don't pick a mooch or if loan someone money after you see they aren't being financially responsible and haven't paid you back. You let things go way beyond where you should have and now he feels guilty and angry that you won't just hand over your money on top of him using his to buy himself toys. So let him be gone and let him go find out what it's like to pay rent on his own. And you stay on the path of going to school and working and being financially responsible. And in the future make that financial responsibility one of the criteria that anyone sharing your life must have.

 

You'll be so much happier and you won't be a target for mooches and momma boys who don't want to grow up.

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My ex was like this as well. Constantly spending every dollar and needing help paying people back for things, even though I already had to take care of the majority of our expenses because I make quite a bit more money than him. I work full time and he only has part-time hours so he had a lot more time at home and still would rather hang around with his buddies than take clean the apartment. When I was in school and spending more time at home, I did more of the cleaning and cooking because I felt like I should since he worked more. When the tables turn, I thought I could rely on him to do the same thing and he wouldn't. He would just say I'm nagging and starting fights. You definitely did the right thing, and it looks like he made your choice easy for you. When he comes by to get his things, don't bother asking him about what he's doing or what you can do. Just go no contact and let him live with his decision and know he made a big mistake.

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