diamondhead Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 I was just watching this pick up guy's video. He was explaining how women don't want to be with a guy who is on the lower end...meaning that she wants to feel like she earned him, she deserves him. She wants to feel like he is the best guy in the room. Now how would a virgin fit into this? Would a women consider a virgin as being deserving? Link to comment
Selflove1 Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 That's the biggest load of crap I've ever heard! Sorry! Speaking for myself, I think women just want to be appreciated, short term and long term. We don't want 'him' to be the best guy in the room, Id want to feel like the only girl in his world. Every relationship is a learning curve, about the other person, about yourself and about dynamics of a relationship. I'd never consider a Virgin being less deserving then a buffed up guy over spilling with confidence (just an example). These thoughts of 'earning' and 'deserving' baffle me, even though it does sound like it's how things work nowadays I like to believe its about two people enjoying each other's worlds to create their own Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 Usually because the person has a lot to offer that many men do not, or... more to offer than she does - or, she is at an equal stage in life and/or it doesnt matter. When i was inexperienced i had women who didnt care - but more did - those that didnt care were women who werent that attractive and they saw an opportunity to date me, and some others loved my personality and made that the main focus of their attraction. Regardless, with the ones i was attracted to, i didnt bring up the inexperience - i just played along, some saw right through me and eventually picked and prodded what they knew was an insecure or inexperienced man - the others gave me the "its not working out". And PUA is speaking about insecure women. An insecure person will not want to be with another person who shows traits or experiences that border on insecurity or less value. But, there are many people who are confident that still want experienced men, you might still get branded a child (because some people relate inexperience with immaturity) - which is the worst hit a man can take. Plus, the very essence of having it together and being experienced and confident are very basic attractive traits - some people will twist that and brand you for all the wrong reasons. I dont think you have to worry some much about being a virgin, first few times i had sex i did well. And most women tell me that a good man in bed is hard to find - some men have so many women and they still fail - and they dont care. I would focus more on the flow of the date, communication, sparking the interest and keeping attraction growing (which is what i was referring to when i said i used to be inexperienced). Link to comment
Moontiger Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 I was just watching this pick up guy's video. He was explaining how women don't want to be with a guy who is on the lower end...meaning that she wants to feel like she earned him, she deserves him. She wants to feel like he is the best guy in the room. Now how would a virgin fit into this? Would a women consider a virgin as being deserving? PUA's are BS. Only a certain kind of woman falls for their very obvious tricks. My BFF and her fiance have been together for years. She is older than him, he was a virgin when they meet, she was not by a long shot. Cliche but true, just be yourself. That is what women want. If you start playing games, well, then I don't get to know the real you and I think your guy A, who I'm not attracted to be, when in reality your guy B who I am attracted to. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 This could be true of a teenager who only likes the thrill of the chase (or an adult who acts like a teenager). Thing is in a long term relationship you need to keep feeling appreciative of your partner (not on a pedestal all the time of course). Winning the prize -the excitement -is a great feeling but that's not what sustains a happy relationship. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 You have to understand that those 'pick up' videos are about making money for whomever created them. They bear no resemblance to reality, just the opinion of whomever is trying to sell something. They also can be abusive/bullying, where they prey on people's worries/fears/insecurities to keep them buying as in, 'you're such a loser, you need to keep buying my advice if you ever want to get a girl.' So it is a manipulative sales pitch driven not by any research but by the profit motive. They're a waste of money and who needs that kind of warped/sexist/obnoxious/elitist attitude those guys have? Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 PUA doesnt work... i never got that memo? I know many men that have used pua-type tactics and were successful, and the most successful men i know use it. Posts always spring up here about what a man did and how much she likes him, and there is pua tactics sprinkled in the story. And many people use pua tactics, everything from confidence building to approach to what traits you shouldnt display - that is pretty general and is flooded on this forum as advice to men- use pua also. Its like once pua is listed in a post, people jump and say, "no, that wont work". But, another poster phrases it differently with no mention of pua - the critics agree, lol. Link to comment
BrianH46 Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 No self-respecting woman would ever admit that it is effective and inexperienced guys will knock it to perpetuate doing nothing while hoping for everything. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 >>She wants to feel like he is the best guy in the room. No, that is what MEN want because men are competitive. MEN want to feel like they're the best guy in the room. This board is just FULL of women who are with all kinds of users, losers, and abusers who are obviously the WORST guy in the room but they are still pining for them and trying to make a relationship work with them. Women really aren't looking for the 'best guy in the room', they are looking for someone who will love and appreciate them. And sadly they end up with a lot of guys who fall far short of that, but the idea of wanting the 'best guy in the room' never enters their equation nor is it a driving factor in their choices, except perhaps for gold diggers looking for a rich man with money to pluck. I'm all for anything that builds a person's confidence, but i'm strongly against the PUA strategies because they are manipulative and abusive (to both men and women) in their approach. there may be some little gems of good advice sprinkled in, but much of these PUA videos/pamphlets are frankly horrifying in their sexism and putdowns of the men who are attempting to help themselves. So at best what they profess needs to be taken with a rather LARGE grain of salt. there are far better ways of forming GOOD relationships with other people that don't involve con artist tactics, and paying large sums of money to people preying on shy or lonely people. There are other ways to built confidence and self esteem that don't involve manipulative cookie cutter approaches and paying someone a lot of money for a bunch of macho drivel about 'what women want' and 'how to score' that bears no relation to what women really want. Some of those tactics are manipulative enough to get one date, but they won't keep the woman coming back for more, or build a genuine and authentic relationship that can last for long. Link to comment
Kendahke Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 I was just watching this pick up guy's video. He was explaining how women don't want to be with a guy who is on the lower end...meaning that she wants to feel like she earned him, she deserves him. She wants to feel like he is the best guy in the room. Now how would a virgin fit into this? Would a women consider a virgin as being deserving? perhaps that's why he's relegated to making videos -- to scam other guys out of money. Those who can, do; those who can't, talk about it. No, she wants to feel as if he's earned her. She wants him to have the confidence of BEING the best guy in the room. When I first started talking to a gentleman, he asked me if I was seeing anyone. I told him that I was just talking to someone, nothing much going on there. He asked me about him and I told him. Then he declared "I am the better man" and that whipped my head around. Confidence. It really is excellent bait. Turns out, he was right. He was the better man. Link to comment
diamondhead Posted February 23, 2014 Author Share Posted February 23, 2014 perhaps that's why he's relegated to making videos -- to scam other guys out of money. Those who can, do; those who can't, talk about it. No, she wants to feel as if he's earned her. She wants him to have the confidence of BEING the best guy in the room. When I first started talking to a gentleman, he asked me if I was seeing anyone. I told him that I was just talking to someone, nothing much going on there. He asked me about him and I told him. Then he declared "I am the better man" and that whipped my head around. Confidence. It really is excellent bait. Turns out, he was right. He was the better man. Ok so what if he is a virgin? Can he say he is the best? Sure I can say I am Mick Jagger but that won't make it true. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 Ok so what if he is a virgin? Can he say he is the best? Sure I can say I am Mick Jagger but that won't make it true. If you continue to be hung up on the fact that you are a virgin, your insecurity will be easily spotted by women. They won't know the reason just that you are insecure, which isn't attractive. The best thing you can do is to stop caring about what other people think. Link to comment
goodheartlady Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 "Women want to feel like they earned the man. They want the best men in the room." LOL that is what men want! The biggest fallacy is dating is when people assume what they value is the same thing that the opposite gender values! Hence, you get these kinds of ridiculousness: 1) a woman brags about her career, travels, income - that is she is looking for in a man, and men really don't care about what a woman does for a living. 2) a men thinks a woman needs to "earn" him: well, actually men want to work for it! Most women don't like to chase and would rather date men who take initiative. Link to comment
goodheartlady Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 On virginity, it is not your virginity that bothers women. But what factors that led you to stay a virgin that cause alarm. Why are you a virgin still? Say you are over the age of 25. Do you have issues socializing with women? Are you socially awkward? Are you too picky? Do you have any religious or emotional hang ups with your sexuality? Are you lacking in confidence? Do you have any physical issues? It is not the virginity itself. But rather the potential "why's" that trouble women. Perhaps it is just bad luck, very possible, but perhaps you have something to do with it. Link to comment
diamondhead Posted February 23, 2014 Author Share Posted February 23, 2014 I grew up in a conservative town where men and women don't mix so much. Pre marital sex and things like that are not common at all. It took me a long time to take the decision to leave the place. But finally I did, maybe a little too late, but I did. But I am not able to behave so intimately with women here since I have never done it before. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 Look honey, doing the deed is no big mystery. Anyone can do it, and there are tons of 'better sex' books and videos to show you how if you don't know how. You don't need to go into any big confessions about your prior sex life (or lack thereof). Just look for women to date (try online rather than in meat markets like bars or clubs where it is hard to stand out) and start going out with them for coffee, then dinner if they show an interest. Then let nature take its course and don't obsess about it. Most men don't get either that it's about foreplay that gets women hot not about any great expertise with your 'sword.' Men are very focused on their genitalia and think if they haven't used the equipment on a women before, it is something complicated. It just isn't, and most women won't even know you haven't done it before unless you tell them. So read up on foreplay, and dive right in and enjoy. Link to comment
goodheartlady Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 Well, thanks for the explanation. Just be aware that people - most of us anyway - are looking for men who are ready for love and intimacy. I personally don't have the time or ability to serve as therapist to a man who is not comfortable with intimacy and sexuality. Most women don't really have the time for men who have lots of hang ups towards sex: we like men who have a healthy attitude towards sex already. If you have emotional hang ups towards sex and emotional intimacy, I suggest you work with a therapist on that first. You can't expect a woman to sit around and wait for you to heal - that would be unfair to her. People are looking for partners, not projects to work on. Link to comment
happpybear Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 Yes I agree with the above about virginity^^ I would be concerned with the "why" of it personally, especially if the guy is over 30 years old. I wouldn't automatically assume that he was messed up or anything, but I would want to know the life circumstances that caused him to not be able to attract and maintain a RS (I would assume that if he is a virgin he has not had an LTR either). So I would want to know what happened, whether it was just issues with timing and life events that prevented it, or if it was his own internal issues with himself (intense shyness, mental illness etc.) that caused it, and if the latter is the case, I would want to know if those issues have been overcome and dealt with properly. That being said, if I met a guy was honestly a virgin, and I really liked him and felt that he was a good guy with a good heart and there was chemistry, and he had dealt with the challenges that led to his prolonged virginity--if that was the case, I would date him. The sex stuff can be learned, and honestly in the beginning sex can be a bit off because you are still trying to figure out your partner's body and preferences. Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 No self-respecting woman would ever admit that it is effective and inexperienced guys will knock it to perpetuate doing nothing while hoping for everything. This is very true! Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 Every guy is a virgin at somepoint no? and somehow he manages to lose that virginity so women can't be that bothered by it. i know people that have lost it at 15 and people at 30. One of my exes was a virgin and it didn't bother me in the slightest and we had great sex. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 Whether or not women want to be with an inexperienced person is irrelevant. Why are you watching videos about this? This post and prior posts seem to indicate that you are obsessed with your own perceived inadequacies. This is really unhealthy. Have you ever been in therapy? Link to comment
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