DWS Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 I am new to this site I need some outside, unbiased feedback. I have been with my husband for nearly 10 years, I have a son that he is extremely close to and he has a daughter that I love as well however we don't get to see her often as she lives 5 hours away. So its holidays/summer etc. We fell in love and are still in love and are still together. However our relationship has had a serious blow to it. About 2 years ago I found out that we are RELATED we are fourth cousins! We live in a very small community around 2000 people. He already knew and told me after he cheated on me. He said that it was bothering him and he didn't know what to do. He said his sister that he is very close to would never be ok with his relationship with me. She would not even talk to me at all. We broke up and he began dating this other woman. threw it in my face it was all over social media sites etc. I was beyond crushed. I could barely function, at first I begged him not to go. We kept in contact via texts then after 3 weeks I tried to cut communication. He would not stop calling and texting. I ignored them and I did my best to avoid him. He even followed me into a store and then tried to get into my car. I ended up driving off while he was trying to open the door. We were broken up for about 1 1/2 months when I was at a friends house and we were drinking. there were other men there and I did not want to "hook up" with anyone so I when he asked to see me I said ok he picked me up from the house and we went for a drive. He proceeded to tell me he was not happy and that he made a mistake. I was perfect for him aside from the relations. I had been starting to come out of depression and feel ok I don't know why I took him back so easily. We have been together ever since however our relationship has not moved forward since then it is like we are still dating. I started to put pressure on him and ask for more time from him. I began to sense something was wrong a couple of weeks ago then over the weekend I found a message to his friend (a mutual friend of his and the other woman) that he missed her and regretted breaking her heart. There was nothing more. I confronted him he said he didn't know why he sent it. Then he confessed that our being related was still bothering him he wonders what people think and while he still is close with his sister he would like us to be able to hand out with her but he knows that would never happen. He said he didn't know what to do. When I asked him what he is going to do when she contacts him (I believe she will) he said he wont leave me for her because there is too much feelings there for me and my son. We discussed what we wanted and we both want more from the relationship however he made it clear that this will always bother him. We both promised not to cheat and said that we would figure out what to do from here together. I am scared that he will cheat on me and leave me for her again. I feel like he disrespected me by sending that message and that he “opened the door for her”. My heart is breaking. Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 how are you related? And seriously, he knew about it, was with you for 10 years --- and used it as an excuse to cheat. Link to comment
DWS Posted January 27, 2014 Author Share Posted January 27, 2014 Were Fourth cousins. One of our great great grandparents had an affair Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 It is nothing more than an excuse. And a fairly stupid one at that. I actually find it odd that you haven't met your husbands' sister in the 10 years you were married. However, who cares what she thinks...if she hasn't been in your life ever. We live in a very small community around 2000 people. He already knew and told me after he cheated on me. He said that it was bothering him and he didn't know what to do. He said his sister that he is very close to would never be ok with his relationship with me. But everyone is okay with him cheating? Again --- there is nothing morally or legally wrong with that level of "being related". Link to comment
DWS Posted January 27, 2014 Author Share Posted January 27, 2014 Thank you, I agree, I thought it was a weak argument, besides he should have told me or should not have pursued me. I have met his sister and I knew she didn't like me but I thought she was just being a shrew. I think I know what to do but just needed some feedback. Just to be prepared to have to watch him be with someone else. Thanks. Link to comment
Kendahke Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 It's not as if you two are first cousins or brother and sister. You've had 3 generations of dillution going on---and clearly, the marriage was legal, so I dont' get why his sister's nose is in any of this. Her feelings are immaterial--this has nothing to do with her. If he's not grown enough to keep his meddling sister out of his business, then you're well rid of him. He's a boy who cant' stand on his own two feet. I agree with Mhowe--his sister is upset with you being very distant cousins, but she's ok with him cheating on you? Link to comment
KarenC Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 I realize that you didn't know that he was your Cousin in the beginning, however; now you do and because you do, I feel that the two of you should end things because the relationship was built on lies to begin with (he knew that he was your Cousin but you didn't). You can't trust a person like him and in the end; it's going to affect your Son because of small-town gossip about the 2 of you in the future years to come. I know that you may love him but the 2 of you will never be happy because of the circumstances so it's just best to pardon ways, if you ask me. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 I realize that you didn't know that he was your Cousin in the beginning, however; now you do and because you do, I feel that the two of you should end things because the relationship was built on lies to begin with (he knew that he was your Cousin but you didn't). You can't trust a person like him and in the end; it's going to affect your Son because of small-town gossip about the 2 of you in the future years to come. I know that you may love him but the 2 of you will never be happy because of the circumstances so it's just best to pardon ways, if you ask me. They are fourth cousins. That is quite different from being first cousins and my guess is it probably wasn't a big deal to him and that is why it never really came up before. All this stuff and nonsense about his sister not wanting to know the OP hasn't bothered him before either. Nah, this fourth cousin business doesn't bother him at all. What bothers him is that he got caught cheating. He had the perfect excuse (or thought he had) and now that he is back with the OP and still in touch with the woman he left her for it seems he is still setting it up as an excuse ….. Then he confessed that our being related was still bothering him he wonders what people think and while he still is close with his sister he would like us to be able to hand out with her but he knows that would never happen. He said he didn't know what to do. He said the he didn't know why he contacted her … well the "proof was in the pudding" … as the text said, he missed her. This isn't about being fourth cousins. He keeps lying to cover his tracks … so, on those grounds I would end the relationship. Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.