Is it more head games??

[n33lloc]

Me and my ex broke up two months ago. He started datig this girl a week later who herself has a boyfriend. Long tory short, he contacted me at 12:26 am new years day and have pretty much been together ever since (not relationship, just always at his house) which he asks me to stay with him. Although i am enjoying the time with him, and not necessarily wanting to be back with him, since i am still confused about the while situation, i cant help but feel or wonder if the reason he is spending so much time with me is because she wouldn't leave her boyfriend for him. They are now just friends and he treats me like we are together. he is honest with me and tells me when he hangs out with her, but insists that nothing is happening between the two of them. My head tell m to leave him alone and let him figure stuff out, as well as me. But my heart tells me to stay and see where things go.

 

During this, like i said i am not trying to be with him. I am currently talking to someone else, and I am not letting my emotions get involved with him. i am being reserved and cautious. anyways, help. Advice??

[nutbrownhare]

Yep - it sounds as though she wouldn't leave her boyfriend for him, but he can't cope with being alone and he's pulled you back into his life. Believe him when he says nothing's happening between the two of them - but I bet he wishes it was! He's hanging out with her in the hope that something might have changed, whilst keeping you on the back burner.

 

If you're not trying to be with him, you need to stop spending so much time with him. This current situation is going to make it very difficult for you to move on and start a relationship with someone who REALLY wants to be with you. If you want to resume the relationship, then tell him so; if the feeling isn't mutual, tell him you're not prepared to stay around the way things are because you don't like feeling used. Then, walk.

 

I can understand why you don't want to risk it being quite that final, but this situation is going to start affecting your self esteem if you allow it to drag on; at the moment you're in a kind of limbo which suits him fine, but is leaving you wondering and doubting.

 

When you say

I am currently talking to someone else, and I am not letting my emotions get involved with him.

are you referring to the new guy, or your ex when you say you're not letting your emotions get involved with him?

[n33lloc]

y ex. But in a way im not letting m emotions get involved with the new guy. He knows the situation and knows that i am not emotionally ready for another relationship. Right now he is a friend.

[mhowe]

None of this sounds promising:

 

Your ex and his new hope.

Your ex and you.

You and new guy who knows you are hung up on ex.

[ParisPaulette]

First off your ex isn't back with you. He's brought you back into the picture to comfort him/make the new girl jealous in the hopes she'll leave her boyfriend. Second, he's lying through his teeth about the whole crap of him and the new girl just being friends, if it's over between them then he wouldn't be hanging out with her. He's still hanging on to her in the hopes she'll change her mind. Worse he's a serial cheater in that given how fast he started dating her after he broke up with you he likely already had her picked out and quite possibly had been sleeping with her before he left you. Worse he's left you for a woman who is herself a cheater and he has no problem helping her cheat. And now he pulls you back into the picture, so he can give himself the pleasure of having two women instead of one. Has it not occurred to that this entire little drama is about what he wants and he doesn't care who he hurts to satisfy his own needs? Why on earth do you want a relationship with someone who is that comfortable with cheating?

 

And the new guy you're interested in will likely want nothing to do with you if he knows there's an ex in the picture to that extent. I think you should give the ex the boot, figure out establish some ground rules and boundaries for what you will and won't do, then go turn your attention to the new guy with a clean slate and see where it goes.

 

Personally though my money would be on you telling both guys you want time by yourself, shutting them both down, then you heal completely from your ex through no contact and figure out what it is you really want out of life that doesn't involve having to have a guy there to provide you with happiness. Otherwise you're going keep ending up in the same boat over and over again. And I can tell you from experience it's a boat ride that sucks.

[Summerdale]

n33lloc - I am really sorry to hear what you are going through. It is so tough, I have been there myself. It is a classic case of him wanting to have his cake and eating it too; stringing you along with breadcrumbs and giving you false hopes. The most sensible move would be to cut loose, but I understand that it is much easier said then done. Set your mind on it girl, you have our support.