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My Past


soporcogitavi

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I often think about my past and it haunts me. I keep on thinking about my years in high school and college and the fact that no one liked me. I'm 33, I have a family, I have a couple good friends, but I can't help thinking about people in my past have a bad impression of me or remember me as a loser.

 

In high school and college I always made friends easily, but I always did something to screw it up, usually by judging people or insulting them, or doing something socially awkward, I burnt a lot of bridges. The first 2 years of high school I had lots of friends but ended up doing something to end the relationship. I had to change schools and I made friends there, when we got to college though, classmates from my old school were there and started spreading rumours on how I was a loser. I ended up losing more friends in college and pretty much stuck to myself.

 

It seems like people don't have a good image of me, or hate me. Often when I was younger guys would want to fight me.

 

I now have about 3 good friends that I've had for a long time, but I can't stop thinking about how people back than thought I was a loser and how I was hated. Even in my early 20's when id go out, some people from my past where not eager to see me or receptive when I bumped into them.

 

I know I should stop dwelling on the lasts but I can't help it.

 

Any thoughts or advice?

 

Thanks

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I'm 33, I have a family, I have a couple good friends,
I suggest you concentrate on your successes and leave your past in the past where it belongs. Our past defines who we become and considering that you have a family and a couple of good friends, you've become a good man who can maintain relationships just fine now. That's all that matters.

 

Consciously change the depressing subject of your past conflicts when they pop into your mind, change your thoughts to your good friends and your family who love you as well as your other accomplishments and soon enough, you'll have trained yourself to have no regrets. Start new hobbies and join things (like amature sports league of some sort for instance) that will introduce you to new people and forge new relationships using the skills you've learned through your life lessons.

 

You can "help it" you just seem to want to punish yourself which is just a giant waste of your energy which you could be putting to better use.

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I'm worried that any new relationships or people I meet, may know someone who doesn't like me and will not like me as a result

 

Don't you think that's kind of an odd thing to worry about?

 

Most people were kind of awkward/weird/losers in high school and then they got past it. You obviously did because you have a wife, kids, and friends. No one has a 100% approval rating.

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Why would an image of you follow you around? Do you look at people in their 30s and just know what they were like in high school?

 

I recently read an article by a current Victoria's Secret model who was a real "ugly duckling" in high school. You wouldn't know that looking at her now.

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I mean in the sense that if I see someone from my old schools they will still think of me as a loser or possibly if I meet someone new they will be friends with someone that doesn't like me and tell them I was a loser.

 

I know this sounds a little weird, just something I think about

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Not a lot we can do about the past...

Have you tried to 'friend' any from your past on FB? I was very shy thru school and came accross some 'higher up 'bullies') during school.

But- years later I am now friends with most of them on my fb. All settled & no big deal. (Although i remember them as such.. now it's another 'change' i am working on accepting, is that the past is done and they 'did' grow up into decent mature, adults).

 

How about a bit of counselling, since it seems to be really bothering you?

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