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Can persistence pay off?


am529

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I'll try to keep this short and sweet.

 

I just moved to a new state, and started a new job back in October. I met a woman there who I am incredibly attracted to. I was hesitant at first to make any sort of move on her because of the fact that we were co-workers, but I soon decided it was a risk I was willing to take, partially because of the fact that her and I, while co-workers, don't see each other often through the course of the day as our schedules during our shifts keep us apart save for about 30 minutes at the very end of the day.

 

I did ask her out one night after work, to which she did agree, but unfortunately there was a situation that arose and I had to actually cancel. Related to this was the fact that she does not live in my city, she lives an hour away, a fact I did not know when I asked her out, and I was unable to get to her city an hour+ away to see her like I wanted to, and we had to cancel. Unfortunately, we have not yet been out since then.

 

However, we do talk on a nearly daily basis. Of course we have very small conversation at work during the limited times we do see each other, but outside of work, she is constantly contacting me either during her break from work, or on weekends, or even now, while we are on our break for the holidays, we have talked virtually everyday, all contact initiated by her, and somedays we talk throughout the entire day.

 

I have told her that I am interested in her. Unfortunately, she's in a situation where she just recently broke up with her ex boyfriend a few months ago, and that ex boyfriend is also someone from our work. The circumstances regarding the breakup have caused her some workplace drama. She has told me that she isn't in a position to date me because she's still struggling with the workplace drama, and still not completely healed from the hurt of the breakup, and that in her current position in life, she can't offer me anything more than friendship. I have told her that I am still interested in dating her, I have told her that I do hope that she can reach a point where she has worked through her issues that she needs to work through, and reaches a point where she can and would consider dating me. I have also told her that I still believe this time will come, and I have told her that I feel as though she does like me as well, and that time will come, even if it's not right now. Each time I have said things to her like this, I have had what I feel are positive responses.

 

I even told her this stuff as recently as today. Again she responded very positively to my saying it. Later in the day, she did tease me about being "friend zoned", but it honestly came off as a tease, as we often times take playful jabs at each other, and didn't feel like her seriously throwing it in my face.

 

I have been very open and upfront with her about my interest in her. She has been very clear with me that dating is not going to happen while she's hurting and while we are co-workers. There is a very high likelihood that her and I will not be co-workers in the not too distant future, as this isn't a "career" job persay and we are both looking into alternate options (not to pursue dating, but for our own individual personal interests and career advancements).

 

I just wonder if this is a situation where it is a genuine lack of interest on her part, and the co-worker / not over ex is truthful, but also an excuse? Or if that really is just the reason behind her not wanting to date, and that there's still a chance for this to happen in the future.

 

Typically, I'd just take the rejection and move on. But her initiating contact with me on a daily basis and sustaining that contact through the day, knowing that I have been 100% clear with my desire to date her and pursue a "more than friends" relationship, is a huge sign that has me thinking otherwise. And also, through the course of our long, consistent, and daily conversations and interactions, I really feel a genuine connection with her that has made me want to put a little more effort into her than I might typically.

 

I hear stories all the time about how persistence paid off - but I also don't want to be that guy that couldn't take a hint. Like I said, there's no signs of avoidance from her, she's actually the one that puts in the effort to talk to me. But am I looking too much into things to see that as a positive sign?

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Noone can tell for sure if she's being honest or just isn't interested in you. As to why she initiates contact with you etc, I think she's just flattered..it doesn't mean she'll change her mind. If she really liked you, you'd be dating already. I say move on.

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"Initiating contact" may simply mean that she likes talking to you and being your friend.

 

She doesn't want to deal with the drama/headaches that she feels dating another colleague may bring (among other things).

 

Why would you want to subject her to that, if you care about her? If she's worth being friend to, be her friend. If not, move on.

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It sounds like she really needs a friend, and you are their and willing to talk to her, and especially if she will move on to a new job, she would like to make friends while she is still meeting new people at her next job. When she feels as if she is ready to move on from her ex, she may want to date you, or she may just want to remain friends. That is a risk that you need to be willing to take. You should not be thinking of her as your future girlfriend, but as a friend, and if it leads to dating, then that's great, but not the intention.

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By sounds of it, I see she is interested in you and I also believe she does want to take things slowly because of her break up.

I suggest you keep as you are.. keeping the interest there and give it some time.

 

You've only known her a few months? And, she's been single not very long now. It is good of her to admit she needs some time to work on getting over her last break up- that I feel is important.

 

I feel from what's been going on, so far so good. Good of you not to be all over her all of the time and that you're respecting her wishes, her 'need' for her own time.

 

All sounds okay.. just go with the flow for now.. see how things go in the next cpl months. If or when she feels 'okay & ready' again to move forward again.

Never anything wrong with needing to deal with a recent break up, at all. We all need time after a BU to heal & accept everything, to get our minds & heart in order again, before beginning a new relation.

 

Good luck

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