MW3434 Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 How do you get back into contact with a woman who left because you hurt her from not changing and feeling neglected? Long story short, I had personal demons in my personality that during the relationship I was unable to fully resolve and understand until she left me. I understand that no contact for a while is necessary for both a healing process and cool-down period for her, and a time for me to truly work on myself and make changes before trying to get back with her. My question is: How do you reconnect to show a woman that you do love them after a period of no contact? Is there a way to slowly show a woman you are there? Or do you just keep going no contact? I struggle to see how never reaching out and somewhat "fighting" for a woman in this situation would be effective. Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 She left you...anything you say or do will change nothing. Either it will be "too little, too late" or she will not believe you have changed. There is nothing you can do but accept her decision. Link to comment
doicare Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 disappear for a few months and really get you Sh** together. you can try and reinitiate contact, but dont count on reconciliation. Most will advise against it here, as most think moving on is the best, and that the best and only way for reconciliation is when the ex comes back. For what it's worth, if you have issues you need to resolve, the longer you're out of the picture, the more she will probably realize you're doing better. I say go for at least 3 months, but honestly, in that time you should be 100% committed to you and you alone, which means forget about her. You may honestly feel totally different about her then, as you'll hopefully feel much better about yourself. Link to comment
sharky988 Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 Yeah, all the "how to get your ex back" systems they sell online all pretty much advise that ^^ They say to spend a few months not contacting her and *pretending* to be over her and moving on and improving yoursel "for real with no expectations". It goes like this improve yourself.... for yourself... to get your ex back.[/b] Uh yeah, right. Good luck NOT obsessing and hoping and planning to reconcile while you're "improving yourself for yourself" with "no expectations"..... doesn't happen. Look, your ex is an adult with free will. Part of recovering from a breakup is reaching the point of ACCEPTANCE that -- no matter how much you want things to be different -- your ex has chosen to end this relationship. And that's really it. It's over. Unless your ex decides on her own to change her mind, there's nothing you can "do" to get an ex back. So no -- DON'T plan on waiting it out a few months and then making contact again. It's weak and your ex will see it for the transparent attempt it is. Put the focus where it belongs: ON YOU. On your life. On healing from this breakup. For the long term, not just a few months. Here's a guide written by a member here that will help you: link removed In time, you CAN and WILL get past the pain you're feeling right now. The best thing you can do for yourself is to stop all contact -- including online -- and disappear from her world completely. You do this by focusing on YOU and doing things that help you feel better. Leave your ex alone and let her fade away.... in the event that she ever changes her mind, she'll let you know! Link to comment
Tanzi Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 I struggle to see how never reaching out and somewhat "fighting" for a woman in this situation would be effective. It would be effective if your goal were to work on yourself as you say you need to do. It would be effective if you heal for yourself and not just to get her back .... because without YOU being your sole focus you can bet your bottom dollar that you won't properly work on yourself. It will be effective if you are actually trying to accept the situation for what it really is and are actually listening to what SHE wants. You have to remember that there were two of you in this relationship and this isn't just about what is effective for your needs .... she will want to do what is "effective" for her needs too and if that means no contact then you will have to learn to accept and respect that. There is no such thing as "fighting" for a woman. She is not a damsel in distress and you are not her hero. Oh, it sounds heroic alright but what you would REALLY be doing is ignoring what SHE wants and making this situation all about what YOU want. As has already been said, all you can do is take a considerable amount of time out and REALLY make YOURSELF your focus .... Address and work on those demons. Get yourself to a happier place WITHOUT her so that you if you DO decided to reconnect, you are strong enough to accept either outcome .... because the chances are, by the time she was ready to leave the relationship, any changes at that point would have been too late anyway. Link to comment
jonahf Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 She left you, one thing is sure, she is mighty upset with you and want to move ahead in her life. But she might also have distanced herself as an strategy to make you realize your mistake. If you are seriously ready to make amends, then contact and meet her personally and ask her to give some of her time to explain yourself. If you can manage to convince her, nothing like it but if she is adamant then you must accept her decision and move on. Link to comment
Wacky Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 How do you get back into contact with a woman who left because you hurt her from not changing and feeling neglected? How do you reconnect to show a woman that you do love them after a period of no contact? Is there a way to slowly show a woman you are there? Or do you just keep going no contact? I struggle to see how never reaching out and somewhat "fighting" for a woman in this situation would be effective. The 1st thing you must do is always work on your self 1st and confident enough to show to her the new you.. The only person knows the right time to contact her is you but you are in much better position if she is the one initiate contact first.. So make used of the time duration of NC, work on your self for a better you not just for her.. happy new year and all the best.. Link to comment
AutumnBorn Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 Read this, MW: link removed Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 I think you should stop thinking about her and really focus on ridding yourself of your demons. If you don't do that, they will always come back to bite in relationships. That work takes longer than just a few months too! Link to comment
savignon Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 What things did you do that resulted in the end of the relationship? Link to comment
MW3434 Posted January 2, 2014 Author Share Posted January 2, 2014 I had the tendency to be negative or critical of her and I realized it was because I was feeling bad about myself, depression, insecurity. Trying to get my life on a much better track now and working on ME. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 So, what if you are kind of a critical person though? Even if you work on your insecurity? I think you would really need some time to understand that part of yourself. Sometimes, depression aside, people are also critical because they don't particularly respect the person they are criticizing. Trying to be less critical often lasts for a day or two and then you get back to it if you don't really respect the person to begin with. Link to comment
Wacky Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 I had the tendency to be negative or critical of her and I realized it was because I was feeling bad about myself, depression, insecurity. Trying to get my life on a much better track now and working on ME. Bro try to heal your self 1st from depression and conquer your insecurity... Dont think about your girl, think about your self.. So much fun waiting in the future if you stay on the right track... All the best.. Link to comment
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