Is it hard to be polite

[diamondhead]

Hey, just curious.

 

I have been having these experiences where people have been giving snarky comments. Yesterday I was in a bar and the bartender was giving all these rude comments to people.

 

Now, I know what you would say. Dude, have a thicker skin. Or give snarky comments yourself.

 

But you know what? My default behaviour is to be polite. Unless someone is overly rude with me, I don't see any point in being rude. I always act in a way that I don't hurt people's feelings.

 

I can understand being rude if somebody hurt you(verbally or otherwise). That can happen to anyone, even the nicest person in the world.

 

But why be rude otherwise?

[annie24]

I one time told the manager he should be nicer to his employees when I saw him being hard on them. It's unprofessional. Honestly, it's worth writing a letter of complaint to his manager. You come for a drink and to have a good time, not to be harassed by the waitstaff. The manager needs to know about his behavior.

[DancingFool]

One person's rude is another person's normal or direct or blunt or humorous, etc. At the same time, your brand of politeness may be perceived as fake. The point is that it is all about perception and different people can perceive identical behavior in different ways and have different reactions and opinions about it. The bartender works for tips, so I don't know just how rude he can really afford to be and how much he was roughhousing with some regulars he knows while it seemed to you like he was over the top because you are outside the loop and on the sensitive side of life.

[diamondhead]

One person's rude is another person's normal or direct or blunt or humorous, etc. At the same time, your brand of politeness may be perceived as fake. The point is that it is all about perception and different people can perceive identical behavior in different ways and have different reactions and opinions about it. The bartender works for tips, so I don't know just how rude he can really afford to be and how much he was roughhousing with some regulars he knows while it seemed to you like he was over the top because you are outside the loop and on the sensitive side of life.

 

Yeah that is true but most people generally justify the rudeness saying something like "oh he is under a lot of pressure in his job so it's ok".

 

Now I am under a lot of pressure too. I just don't show it on other people. I have a lot of work to do and I have to finish under deadlines. But I am always nice to somebody unless they are deliberately trying to piss me off. I don't show them what I feel inside. It's not their fault that I am under pressure.

 

I don't understand why people can't be nice. It is not that hard actually.

[Moontiger]

I try to remember that I have no idea what is going on in other people's lives. Maybe the bar tenders mother is the hospital, maybe he just lost his house, maybe his wife cheated on him. I've found its better to give people the benefit of the doubt.

[annie24]

That's a good point - it's hard to tell if it's good natured ribbing or if he's truly being a butthead. If he's really a butthead, that's the kind of thing that can tick off some customers, so that's why I recommend the boss finds out. Are you going to go back to the bar? How were the clients reacting?

[Crankor]

really though, people that are rude when under pressure are really just rude in general trying to be nice. Its not very hard to see if there really is something out of the ordinary bothering them or if it's just how they are (for me anyways). Bartenders are bartenders because to them it's easy money. So politeness isn't always their concern, especially if they work in a dive bar.

 

But to answer your question. For some no. For most, apparently. heh

[Fudgie]

Whenever I have an issue with staff being rude, I leave them no tip at all (even if I bought a lot or was there a long time, screw them) and I also speak with the manager about the poor service. Stress is never a reason for rudeness with customers. I work in a hospital and sometimes get stressed with nasty patients. I have to grin and bear it. I am never rude.

 

Frankly, I don't care who has it "hard" in their personal life or whatever son story they may have. It's no excuse to not do your job or to be rude. So yeah, no sympathy from me.

 

If I were you, I wouldn't tip him and I'd speak to the manager and tell him/her about the poor service.