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Should I move on? or should I be patient? Dealing with space in a relationship.


taurus456

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My boyfriend just recently asked for space, it's been about two weeks of no contact. He hasn't initiated a conversation with me and I haven't initiated a conversation with him (out of respect that he needed space). The terms of our "break" was that we were both going to have time apart for ourselves and wouldn't see anyone. Overall, there weren't any major problems with our relationship, we just needed to refresh our relationship because we were constantly arguing and fighting over little things and needed to clear the negative emotions we were both feeling. I'll admit that I was smothering him a little bit due to my own personal issues with managing my stress (trying to juggle school and my relationship), but have room for myself to breathe this upcoming year. I think he is confused in our relationship right now and can't decide if he wants to break up or stay.

 

Anyways, I love this boy; we've been dating for years and I could see myself potentially marrying him BUT I'm sick of waiting. If he hasn't contacted me now, should I start walking? I know all relationships have their issues but if he can't decide whether to break up with me or stay with me then I don't want to sit here waiting any longer. I just want to move on!

 

Obviously it won't be easy to move on right away but I would rather do that then play in a waiting game with him. I'm going crazy! Why hasn't he reached out to me? Should I take this as a sign that he is most likely wanting to break up?

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Move on.

 

If he can't communicate or work on the relationship with you, what's the point? He's not nurturing the relationship to grow. He's putting a stop.

 

Hence why if I were ever in your position I move on and find someone else who wants to be with me and knows how to handle a relationship.

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Taurus456,

 

you have been in a relationship for years you say. You can and are allowed to initiate contact if you need to know where you stand.

Don't wait for him, even if he has asked for space. Space can mean a lot of things, but if it means you can not pick up the phone to somebody you have been together with for years, then that is not 'space', that is downright NC and the relationship is over.

I feel a bit like he's getting out easily.

If he doesn't want the relationship anymore he should man up and say so.

Not letting it fade out so you'll 'get it' somehow.

 

If this isn't the case, you should be able to call him whenever you like while still giving him the space he needs.

Calling somebody is hardly invading to one's personal time if it is just to ask how he's doing or (and definitely) if it is to know where you stand with somebody.

 

It is very hard to try and focus on yourself while feeling neglected and abandoned by someone you love not knowing if that person is still there for you or not.

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There is no such thing as a break. You're either together working through your issues and resolving them or you're broken up. I would never agree to be on a break and not be free to see anyone else. That's plain selfishness. It sounds more like there's someone else and he wants to see if things will work with her and if they don't, he wants the option of floating back in your life and picking up where he left off. Dash that.

 

Anything that is neglected does not thrive.

 

You have to prune a plant, repot it and water it in order for it to grow. It will not do so just being left on is own. It will die from neglect.

 

You have to work through problems in relationships, reassess/reinforce parameters and boundaries---and that is done through communication, not going incommunicado for two weeks. All that your experiment is going to accomplish is the withering of your relationship. He knows now--today--what direction he wants to take your relationship in.

 

I think you need to call him and tell him the break is off--that it's time for the both of you to lay your cards out on the table and decide one way or the other. If he is that confused, then he's not emotionally ready for the rigours of a relationship---because they all have their problems which need to be worked through with communication and patience. I, frankly, wouldn't leave the option up to him with regards to breaking up or staying. If he is not willing to communicate with you, then you need to take the bulls by the horn and get your own closure on this so you can move on and find a man who is willing to be who you need for him to be.

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If moving on doesn't mean you start pursuing someone else, then move on. If BF ever decides he's invested in you, he can catch up with you and you'll have a clearer ability to decide where you want to stand with him.

 

If by moving on you mean pursuing other dates, then that's not smart even if BF wants to break up. You've been in a LTR for years, and it's not fair or productive to use someone else as a distraction from grieving.

 

Moving your focus from one relationship to another is just a way to avoid learning how to tackle life solo. If you're not willing to do that, you'll blow in the wind toward any guy who's unwise enough to involve himself with someone who's fresh out of a breakup.

 

What kind of guy would that be? Not too bright.

 

For my own head, I'd start thinking and behaving 'as if' my relationship is over and I'd start exploring what that means. Where am I lacking in my own goals, friendships, career and creative development?

 

Should I have been throwing myself into these kinds of pursuits all along--and what could that have meant to my ability to maintain a healthy relationship without smothering my partner?

 

These are life skills we all need to learn anyway--inside or out of a relationship. So, I'd stop 'waiting around' for a guy to tell my that my own life can begin. I'd start living it.

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