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I don't know what to do


Justagirly

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So we were engaged and after we broke up he promised me he was fixing it and coming back he needed to work to get a place.. I phone terrorized him for 6 months because he kept promising I we the one and he was saving it.. But then started being very mean. I love him still it's been 6 months NC and I feel like I have to talk to him. He recently reactivated his FBI with all of our engagement stuff still on it... Then waited a few days and blocked me. He left the engament enouncment on fb. I know I prob shouldn't but he hurt me soo bad and it is still there.. I still love him and want to know how I would approach communicating/ contacting him.

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So we were engaged and after we broke up he promised me he was fixing it and coming back he needed to work to get a place.. I phone terrorized him for 6 months because he kept promising I we the one and he was saving it.. But then started being very mean. I love him still it's been 6 months NC and I feel like I have to talk to him. He recently reactivated his FBI with all of our engagement stuff still on it... Then waited a few days and blocked me. He left the engament enouncment on fb. I know I prob shouldn't but he hurt me soo bad and it is still there.. I still love him and want to know how I would approach communicating/ contacting him.

 

considering you past behavior, my advice would be to leave it alone and let him come to you if he wants to be with you. He already knows you want to be with him, so you hunting him down/stalking him/terrorising him isn't going to make him go "Oh, wow! She's right!!" It's going to make him run further from you.

 

You need to cool your jets.

 

No other added information will change what I said.

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Okay well.. I got the whole phone terrorizing expression off of here... "Hunting him down"... I never over crossed my boundries ie; went to his work, hangouts or talked to any of his friends or family. I texted my fiancé, over and over again... That is what I meant... I cried to him, told him everything that went wrong.. He kept me on the line for months telling me he was saving our relationship by working to get his own place and save or marriage. Then started treating me like shyt because I didn't understand why he was a different person.. He couldn't just take the blame and fall. It was like he blamed it on me.. It hurt me more then I've ever been hurt before and it still hurts. We had a great relationship, I was very good to him and he was to me. I still love him and know what I did wrong.. was needy, but the only reason I was needy is because he withheld warmth, and held promises over my head.

 

EDIT: I never stalked him, or over stepped my boundaries.. I was actually pretty laid back considering what a lot of woman do who get screwed over and betrayed. I didn't put my phone down, and I let him have it. I know that is the biggest mistake after a break up, but he pulled me back in after the break and kept up with the promises, and I let him. I could've let him go and been ok, and kept my dignity.. but he kept pulling back in.. Then after a while of that it changed, his lies caught up to him and he couldn't keep them straight anymore or express any care or affection like we were used to. It was the worst feeling in the world coming from someone you were told was the one for you and that you loved more then anything.

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Him lying to me, hurt me more then anything anyone has ever done to me I have encountered some pretty shyty people. Someone you love, lying to manipulate your lofe and the relationship is the most hurtful thing anyone can ever expeierence.. Then for him to get away with putting it all on me, and putting me to shame because I made the biggest mistake and kept texting and calling him, I didn't know it was over.. He told me he still wanted to marry me, and lived 10miles form me, but was not going to be with me?? Do you understand the torture that put me through?? It has been torture, realizing I let someone do this to me. I feel ashamed of myself, the sadness I have had to endure from the hurt his lies have caused me, is more then I could ever explain.. It probably makes me a much better person, because now I have compassion for everyone I meet, and I was already a very kind compassionate person, but now I don't look down on anyone.

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He's not really normal.. I'm pretty off the wall too. We are before midtwenties. I gave him the ring back one night, came back the next day and begged... But at 3am he had already called all of his friends and family and my dad, to say it was over and completely turned everyone on me. I have since learned that he should've never done that, at 3 am, called everyone who was relatively close to him. So I came back the next day, ready to talk admit my mistakes and all of those things.. He actually writes down ten of his friends numbers to me and says,, if you call them and apologize, I'll be with you. I called them, crying, his friends (who barely know me), were crazy and said shes lying shes lying.. About what? About loving my fiancé? It was so weird. To have someone who would never in a million years disrespect our intimacy we shared about our relationship, do it in a blink of an eye.. Felt like "rape". It was so weird. He then goes on for months telling me he is fixing it. So I screwed up one night, gave the ring back.. And I think at the time he took it as an opportunity to get out, blameless and to put it on me. This was not normal for us, before this it was pretty amazing we were so in love and that is why I am still hurting. The love and relationship was very good, and we were very good for each other. A little stress came our way as we were trying to work to forward our lives together, and he bails? I just couldn't believe it.

 

HIS reason for breaking up: That's funny because he still hasn't broken up with me. We left on the not that he is coming back. So I am in the wrong for calling him, as he confused my heart and made me crazy for months? Honestly who wouldn't be tortured with that? He didn't know what he wanted so he kept me on the line and didn't have the balls to be the bad guy?

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you still can get your dignity back. Flip the script on him. Move on. Even if you feel like you can fully move on this second. Break your day into half day goals. Pick 3 things to focus on everytime you start thinking about him. I know its hard but once you really allow yourself time to heal and become a better person from this, your whole life will start to change. Find a new hobby, get to know yourself better, do anything that has nothing to do with him. I am going through a rough break up right now (the 2nd one with the same person) and trust me you will feel soooo much better just saying f*** him. It is a choice to go through what you are going through right now. you are better then that and you are preventing youself from finding someone who's ring you would never take off and have to beg back for it. do yourself the best favor you'll ever do and move on and dont look back.

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Thanks Jessy, I read your post about your break up and I have to say I can relate. I bet you anything his mom made him break it off with you. Same thing with my ex, his mom is absolutely crazy, and babies him when he is an adult man. She is bad news, and she manipulates him and I think she did everything in her power to turn him away from me, because she could not stand the thought of living alone, because she never "grew up", she acted like she was in middle school and everyone owes her everything, just no class. I would bet anything on his mom, turning him away from you. My mom told me that no matter how in love with you they are, a son will always chose him mom, no matter how screwed up and crazy they are. I do not need to deal with a mom that is so selfish she uses her son to fill her emotional needs. It is horrible to do to his life, and it was horrible to bring me into their really weird relationship. SO since the break up, he turned on me and I am putting everything on his mom putting horrible ideas of me into his head. She is a manipulator, and she knows how to control her sons thoughts and emotions by keeping him babied and not allowing him to become his own man.

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