I think I am still anxious after all the abuse

[lerenard]

I wasn't so sure where to post. But my problem is mostly about emotions and feelings, because the person I want to talk about isn't in my life any more, but sometimes he tries to get in, and it bothers me A LOT.

 

I posted about my abusive relationship before, and I thought I was over it, mostly, but every time someone mentions him, or I see a picture of him - I get chills and my heart goes crazy. We still have a lot of mutual friends, and out country is tiny, so there is always some kind of reminder of him around me. I stopped hanging out with one particular group of people about a year ago, and now he spends time with them, and it freaks me out because its like he is getting closer to me, and I cant stand that.

 

Just to be brief, our story included harassment, threats, attacks, spying, and he attempted to strangle me twice so every time somebody mentions him hanging out in the same city I live now - I get anxious. From what I know, last time he actually tried to harass me was this summer (right after he found out I have a BF), by (brace yourself guys) messaging a GF of my BF`s best friend, and telling her that we are bad people (me, my BF and his friend), telling all kinds of dirt about us to this girl that lives like 4000 km away, and never even saw us, ever. High-school drama, right? And he has numerous accounts in social media that he uses for whatever reason, I blocked all the ones I know about long time ago, still he can see my BF page so that's where he got the info that we are in a relationship, I guess.

 

Now, the guy is almost 26, and we broke up finally and for good, in spring 2012, because after 2 years apart (I was running away from all the hell he brought into my life, and I was living abroad for two years, having no contact with him till my last months there, when my friend died and I was depressed and vulnerable) we through things changed and we wanted to give it a try, but shortly after we had sex he broke up with me, just for revenge, he never wanted to give it a try, and I know I was stupid to believe him in the first place. But that is how abusive relationships make you feel. Hopeful, naive and addicted. And I thought the fact that he got his revenge and he dumped me will do the trick for him, and he will move on with his life. I was HAPPY he did it, it was all I needed to realize that never ever in my life do I want to be near that person.

 

Now, every time I start thinking about him or talking about my past with someone, it seems like he sensors that somehow (sounds crazy I know, but what you fear the most is sure to appear in your life at some point, that's what I believe, that's why I want to stop being afraid), because then I start getting information about him, without even asking for it - I have no interest in his life, seriously, I just want him to be away from me, and happy enough to forget all about me.

 

This Monday my sister came to visit me, and she lives in my home town, where he supposedly also spends most of the time, and for whatever reason she told me that she saw him with a girl in a supermarket, they were holding hands so she is sure its his new GF. I had no interest in this, so I changed a subject, still I felt a bit better, since now he is busy at least and hopefully - happy.

 

Two days ago my friend visited me, and we haven't seen each other for a very long time, and then the first thing he tells me is that he saw my abusive Ex (in company with yet another of my Ex`s!) in this one club not so long time ago and they were both acting very strange and as he put it "out of their minds". It made my heart drop, I am not kidding. I felt hot flashes all over me - two of my ex-BF hanging out together, and they were staying here, close to the place where I live now. Like same neighborhood, not just same city.

I was very glad I decided not to go to that party that day and stayed home.

 

I think I am feeling a mix of guilt, fear and anger. I don't want to think about this guy at all, but sometimes it just waves over me, and I cant help it, I get scared. I know how far he can go with his abuse and drama, and from what I hear about him - he hadn't changed much, still does drugs and drinks a lot, probably, still likes acting crazy and all.

 

I want to make peace with it somehow, and stop being scared, I want to feel nothing when I hear his name, because I cant stop him from coming to this town, hanging out with people I know, and I don't want to sit in my apartment all the time, in fear that I can potentially bump in to him somewhere. I want to stop thinking about the ways to protect myself and my dear ones from that drama queen, I feel constantly alarmed, knowing that he exists.

 

I feel like I cant trust anybody, and all the people I know that he knows as well are his potential spies, I am going crazy myself! When my friend was talking about seeing my EX in that club couple weeks ago, he got a phone call and I swear I thought it was my EX on the other side, I thought I heard his voice. It drives me nuts.

 

I think if somebody tried to kill you twice and was following you at some point in your life, and was still free in the streets without any kind of restraining order, you would be anxious too. So I can just hope he is happy now, and he left me alone for good since that last incident. And I will never see him again in my life, and my dear ones wont see him too. And I will stop mentioning him, and cut off every thought I may have about him, because all thoughts about him are negative, and I don't want that in my life.

[SooSad33]

Sorry to hear how you've been treated by the jerk and now much anxiety.

Yes, less knowledge the better and contact, I agree.

It takes 'time' to fully recover from past trauma. If he's all talk- ignore. IF he's in your face at all, again. Warn him you can get police involved..stalking w/e.

 

Have you tried some therapy for these 'fears'?

I agree- no one needs that crap in our life!

 

Give it bit more time.. yes, hopefully he has laid off his 'games'. Just be cautious and look into some help.

Maybe med's if your anxiety is really bad.

 

tc