Cellar Door

[mylolita]

This famous linguist once said that of all the phrases in the English language, of all the endless combinations of words in all of history, that Cellar Door is the most beautiful.

 

 

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The Beautiful Life

 

 

 

My name is Lolita.

 

I am twenty three, and will be 24 in December. This is not happy news to me, but I think I could do worse.

 

My job doesn't matter, and neither does how much money I don't have in my bank account. That will come later, and it won't be in the way you or I would expect it.

 

I haven't wrote anything about myself for eight years, and trying to start a sentence feels groggy, like waking up from a restless sleep but, I can assure you, I used to be okay at this. I think I might still be, maybe if I can shake off the mental dust that has settled. I'm a little foggy.

 

What I am trying to express to you, Dear Reader, is that, the most difficult thing is sometimes just getting started.

 

The beginning of my story, like all stories, is about a girl and a boy. There's nothing really more to it, and nothing else matters, as I am sure you'll know. I am sorry to disappoint. If you are expecting the usual, I would like to prove you wrong, and if you are wondering what could be different, well, maybe you know less than you think.

 

Have you ever had an overwhelming moment out of nowhere, maybe during the mundane, maybe in a moment of despair, maybe in a moment of bliss, where you cannot contain your joy at just simply being here, at being alive? Your heart feels suddenly so full it could burst?

 

This, Dear Reader, is why Life Is Beautiful.

 

Please, keep with this. You can see this is no easy task, but this after all is what separates normal life, and normal moments, from beautiful moments. I guess I have seen a lot of beauty in my life. And you can live it in constant, but only if you want it.

 

Ever since I was a child, from the first moment I remember staring out of the car window, watching the endless fields in a constant blur, I was flabbergasted to be in the worlds presence.

 

What exhilarating sky! Even the beauty of a dull day, the rolling grey clouds, the sleepy drizzle, the way all buildings grew dark and shiny with the wet, I delighted in all the sights my eyes could feast themselves on.

 

The same feeling of utter paradise came over me the first time I ever laid eyes on D.

 

My universe shifted and I could feel my life taking on a different path. That night I opened a strange door I had not seen before, and what gorgeous atmosphere existed behind it's barrier.

 

Pain is part of life, and I feel it too, most days. There's little pain, the type of pain thats a dull, aching headache. The nagging pain of constant, low voltage stress. The type that doesn't cause you to reach for the aspirin, you can just live with it, but you know it's there. The paper cut, the sharp shock. Then there's the pain that breaks your heart in two and seems to split your mind down the middle. A small death. Sometimes part of you does die.

 

Life for me was love at first sight. And life and love for me are inseparable. They are the same thing. Beauty is life and life is beauty. Maybe I'm crazy, but I will never be able to forget the moments that have left me breathless, for better or for worse. This is the fabric I hold onto, and I think when I am old, I will look back on only these moments, because they'll be the only things that ever truly mattered.

 

 

“It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight.” - Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita