Argument

[smiler1]

Hi all,

 

Tonight I had an argument and am looking for advice,

 

My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 months.

A month ago we were supposed to go to a concert but couldn't make it.

 

Tonight in the car, he mentions a friend went and she told him it made her think of him (the band is not well known)

 

Now, in the 10 months we have been together I have met his friends. He only has a handful who live near by as we are both fairly new in the town we live. I have met all his friends.

Curious, I ask who the friend was, since I have never heard about her. He started smiling and saying 'not telling you' for a good minute. I thought, ok- bit weird how he is being so secretive. He then says I do have other girl friends who I just don't see anymore. Just because we talk over text etc doesn't mean I have to tell you about everyone.

 

I said oh I didn't realize you had all these female friends (whom he told me he met when he would go out downtown bar hopping before we met)

 

It then escalated badly. He got very defensive, asking why I am grilling him on his friends and how he wouldn't care if this was the other way round I had mentioned male friends he didn't know about. I did then start to ask about these other 'friends' because I was surprised to learn this. I know he doesn't meet up with them or anything but feel I am entitled to at least ask who they are?

 

He seems to think I should not have asked a single question about this girl )or girls) and I don't see why I am not? Was I wrong to ask?

[mhowe]

You don't need to grill him nor get upset he has female friends.

[indea08]

Asking who they are is conversation, not "grilling". You did nothing wrong.

[savignon]

Asking who they are is conversation, not "grilling". You did nothing wrong.

 

Agree. And the "not telling" seemed like a playful attempt to either make you jealous or piss you off. No need for him to get defensive. Red flag.

[smiler1]

It didn't start out with me 'grilling' him.

I just asked who this new friend was, since he never mentioned her before. Then he wouldn't tell me and it got weird, I sensed a change in him. He started patting my leg asking if I was jealous. I told him I was wondering who he was talking about. It started out innocent but the way he handled it was so defensive that I then started to wonder why. He then went on about having lots of girlfriends from downtown drinking he talks to. I didn't even carry it on. At this point he rambles on about how he doesn't like girls that do this and he wont put up with it. I tried to explain that all I did was ask who she was and that him exploding about it was starting to confuse me.

 

I asked who she was, that's all. How he knew her. That's all I asked and that was only after he continued on about how ridiculous I was being and how im jealous and he will talk to whomever.

[smiler1]

Agree. And the "not telling" seemed like a playful attempt to either make you jealous or piss you off. No need for him to get defensive. Red flag.

 

This is exactly what he said. He quote 'was joking and I am too sensitive' I should have known he was being sarcastic.

[savignon]

Blaming you for a rift he started is another red flag. Tell him YOU won't tolerate being told you're too sensitive or having his friends off limits for discussion. And then mean it. You don't need that BS and it WILL continue with a guy like this (who threatens you, tells you how to feel, plays games to make you jealous).

Do you love him? If not, you may as well part ways now. 10 months is enough time to know if there's mutual love, respect and trust.

[HeartGoesOn]

I agree that he was out of line on that one. I could see him responding in this way if you've just recently met, but after ten months of being together this was uncalled for.

 

It may be time to re-evaluate this relationship.

[ParisPaulette]

Getting defensive about something and twisting words around on a person are classic signs that someone is doing something that's not cool. Have you guys had the exclusive talk? Frankly, the way he behaved makes me wonder just who this "friend" is and why would he say he wasn't going to tell you and act like he did if there was nothing to hide. Very suspicious.