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really hurt, bf not meeting my needs. please help


klvd

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Im 22 and have been with my bf since 2010. We broke up for 3 months but recently got back together. However over the course of our breakup I moved 6 hours away and now we are long distance.

We both slept with other people over the few months of our breakup and just randomly a couple weeks ago he brought it up and started acting really cold. We got into an argument and I didn’t want to fight so I just let it go, it was stupid anywas so I apologized and towards the end of a week planned a skype date for us. He ignored me all weekend and spent it with friends. I was having health problems and I learned that my dog had been in the animal hospital for two days. I was really upset and was trying to fix things between us and rely on him emotionally but he blew me off and kept shoving me under the rug he even missed the skype date and never asked how my dog was doing. . I was really hurt. Then he came to visit me for a weekend, I figured Saturday night we would go out and drink and Sunday id spend the day watching football w him since he couldn’t be home with his friends, Saturday came and he refused to go out with me and ended up falling asleep by 11:30. I again was hurt, all I had been hearing about was him going out w friends but now he wouldn’t go out with me? Next, his best friends are a married couple and they invited jarrod over to play board games with them and her single friend from work. I know his friends wouldn’t try to come between us like that and I know Jarrod wouldn’t cheat but he planned on going, even after he knew I was going to be in town. I don’t think it looks or sounds right to put himself in that situation, even if he was just going to play games. It sounded like a double date and I told him it made me uncomfortable. He then made other plans but ended up stopping by for an hour. I again was hurt. Lastly, He’s OBSESSED with football and madden and every Sunday he and his guy friends watch the games and play madden for literally 12-14 hours, I personally think its pathetic to spend an entire day doing that with a bunch of 24 and 25 year old men who still live in mommy’s basement but I keep that to myself, its his free time he can do as he pleases, but when I drive 6 hours home to spend a weekend with you and you work all of Friday, I don’t think I should even have to ask you to skip out on your Sunday football to hang out with me. I don’t think its too much to expect that he take 1 or maybe 2 Sundays a month and spend them with his long distance girlfriend. The last time I came home three weeks ago, I felt bad so I suggested he go over there for a little bit, but asked that he leave around 6 or 7, especially since I had to be up at 7am to drive back. He didn’t get home till midnight. My thanksgiving break starts tomorrow but I surprised him and my family by coming home Friday. One of the very first things he said to me, a little upset I might add is “what about Sunday?” it hurt me that upon surprising him he was worried about being able to play his stupid game. I kept my cool and just made him promise to spend the morning with me and come home early. He didn’t come home early last night and my week is so busy I wont really get to see him again until Saturday and he knew this!! He didn’t even plan a date or anything for us since we’ve gotten back together…the time we spend together has been boring and uneventful except for his constant groping me…

 

I don’t think its too much to expect my boyfriend to plan a date or make more time for me when im in town? Ive expressed this to him and he thinks im being sensitive and told me that Sundays were the only thing that made him happy over our breakup and that he wasn’t giving that up. I don’t want him to give it up I just want him to treat me better.

I told him im fed up and don’t want to be a part of this if he cant meet my needs. We also are not having sex, I told him I wanted it to feel special again, he respected that but hasn’t done anything to make it feel special.

 

Am I expecting too much ? am I being needy ? what do I do?

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I'm sorry you are going through this. He is not acting like he is in a relationship and should NOT constantly put you second. It's fine to have time with friends but especially in a long distance relationship he should WANT to spend as much time as he can with you. You can't force him to do anything and it seems like you have already expressed your feelings and there still is no action. I would take a stand for yourself and leave him no matter how much it may hurt. Someone will make you a priority. He is clearly not. Sometimes getting back together just doesn't work. Again I'm sorry.

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he was really loving and all about my happiness before we broke up the 1st time. he wasnt doing anything wrong by me but we were just in a rut, there was no future and we were too involved in eachother. we really needed time to work on ourselves as individuals. it was really hard to breakup with him and it hurt him i know. he was so good to me then that i just dont understand why he's treating me so crappy now. and he doesnt see it! when i try to talk to him about this he tells me im being dramatic and sensitive and he doesnt want this stress

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Expecting him to act like bf is too much?

He is putting nothing into this...I hesitate to even call it a relationship.

 

I agree!!

 

He's very immature yet set in his ways. Not a good combination. He's not even trying. He's taking you for granted big time.

 

“Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.” ― Maya Angelou

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he was really loving and all about my happiness before we broke up the 1st time. he wasnt doing anything wrong by me but we were just in a rut, there was no future and we were too involved in eachother. we really needed time to work on ourselves as individuals. it was really hard to breakup with him and it hurt him i know. he was so good to me then that i just dont understand why he's treating me so crappy now. and he doesnt see it! when i try to talk to him about this he tells me im being dramatic and sensitive and he doesnt want this stress

 

Obviously his feelings towards you have changed.

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Well that happens sometimes after you break up and try to get back together you think it's going to be the same and it's not. You have to stop holding on to what was in your relationship and accept what is going on in your relationship. No matter how much you try to make it go back to the way it was.. If he doesn't want it too or doesn't feel that way then it never will. I know it's hard to accept and your probably thinking about the good times but it is time to let go..

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I'm not expecting things to go back to how they were... I do t want things to go back to exactly how they were but I don't feel he is being a good boyfriend period. I know he loves me and is loyal but he's just treating me crappy

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Sounds like he doesn't like that you slept with other people. But you were single at the time so he needs to take it in his stride. Regardless, he's being a d!ck. You drive 6 hours to spend time with him and he ditches you for his mates?! Ugh! That would frustrate me to the point of no return. Being in a LDR is hard work and he's clearly not doing his part. He might be loyal but he's not prioritising his time to include you. How can you continue the relationship when you barely spend any quality time together?

 

Give him an ultimatum - prioritise you or you're dumping his @$$

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