Nearly 10 months, not one Match.com date

[t1lersm0m1]

I joined link removed in January. They were having a special - 25% off if you joined for six months. Then, if you met the requirements and you didn't meet anyone after six months, they gave six months free.

 

It didn't bother me at first as I met someone on POF in late February, but we broke up early September, and I still haven't gotten one link removed date.

 

Now, I'll be honest, I'm a larger woman. I'm not ashamed to say I'm 5'3" and 240#. I lost 54 pounds two years ago, gained 21 last year, and relost 17 this year. I have a goal to relose the other 4 I gained, and then work on the next 54 pounds. So I'm a work in progress.

 

But I've had no problems meeting good men on link removed. I dated a good guy last year for two months, but it didn't work out because I wasn't ready (low self-esteem closer to self-hatred and other issues). Then I dated another man this year who unfortunately wasn't ready (not over his wife who he was separated from and also suffers from low self-esteem). He was a great guy, and if we met when he was ready I think we could have had something special.

 

I'm dating a third good guy from link removed (so far, it's only the fourth date tonight), but I have no idea why I don't get dates from link removed. It's really annoying. They advertise so much, and say they lead to more dates and relationships than any other site.

 

I understand my size limits the number of men who will be attracted to me to ask me out, but 10 months and not one date????

[savignon]

It sounds like you're actually doing pretty well. A lot of people are on both as well as other sites so it might be a lot of the same people either way.

Just keep working on your esteem and being happy with yourself as that is what is most attractive about a person.

[t1lersm0m1]

Thank you, that's very sweet. I've posted this elsewhere and hate repeating myself, but I am very confident in myself now, and it really has changed my whole life. I still had issues to deal with after the last break up, and I've worked through them. I don't think I'm perfect now, but definitely identify my shortcomings and love improving on myself emotionally and physically.

 

But I really like link removed....I'm sure the majority of people (both men and women) are on there for the wrong reasons, but if you're patient and listen to your instincts, you can find the ones that are on there for the right reasons. (I complained to my friend after the second date with the current guy that he didn't kiss me, and she said well at least he didn't talk about getting into your pants before meeting you like some of the men you told me about!). I said good point.

 

Dating after marriage or a LTR is really difficult, but once I found my confidence and started to listen to my instincts and stop settling for the crap I was being given, I've become quite good at it.

[AE9876]

I have never got on with link removed at all. I am a pretty regular person in every way and had used a variety of dating sites with lots of success and two long term relationships. When I started using online dating sites (about 7 years ago) it was still a slightly niche activity, though growing in popularity. When link removed started advertising on tv, I thought I would join as I figured that the tv ads would open this up to more people.

 

Well I found it a really uncomfortable place to be honest. Nearly everyone I encountered seemed defensive, cagey and touchy.

 

I now wonder if it was because the tv ad campaign had opened it up to so many newbies that these people didn't know how it worked and weren't entirely comfortable with what they were doing and this came accross in their interactions. I did not like it at all and did not renew my membership.

 

To be date online, you do have to be comfortable in your own skin and put yourself out there a bit but the people I came accross on match did not seem to be.

 

I too am confused by how this site claims so much success. I use pof (mainly as its free) and have used various others over the years and never encountered these problems.

 

There are tons of niche sites too, I am certain there would be one for plus sized women if you wanted to try that route.

 

Whatever, I wouldn't worry about match. Just go with what works.

 

good luck

[AE9876]

Oh just noticed who the OP is! Hello. How funny we've shared this similar experience too!

[t1lersm0m1]

LOL, thanks. I won't be renewing my Match membership either. I just find it frustrating. I really thought I'd find better quality men on link removed since it's a paid site, but haven't found ANY men. I had ONE date set up, but he flaked (I replied to all of his emails, he never asked for my number or gave me his, we set up a date and he canceled saying he thought he would have known a lot more about me before the date and just didn't feel a connection. It was OK with me because he was tall, lanky, balding, and probably wouldn't have been a good match, but I try not to judge on physical appearance and give it at least one or two dates before deciding a guy isn't for me).

 

I'm not worried about Match since I've had luck on POF, just can't believe in 10 months not one date.

[Ms Darcy]

I understand my size limits the number of men who will be attracted to me to ask me out, but 10 months and not one date????

 

This is true.

 

BUT I think you have to view Match as ONE of many dating strategies. When you put it all together, you've had a relationship this year and have other dates this year. You are doing well.

[Kendahke]

I couldn't catch a break on link removed to save my life. POF isn't all that much better. The guys send flirts and perhaps a couple of messages, but that's as far as it goes.

 

What I'm experiencing is what one guy called "career internet users". All they want to do is to see how many people reach out to them. He also said that the women are only on there to find guys to take them out to eat. Another guy complained that all the of women had low paying jobs and were looking for "security" from a guy--meaning someone to help them pay their bills. I was aghast that this was conversation coming out of their mouths within the first couple of correspondences. Needless to say, they never express any real desire to meet and the one who did turned out to be the date from hell.

 

I heard nothing but good things about POF-a coworker of mine met her husband on there and while she's about 15 years younger than me, I did have some hope that all of the guys weren't damaged, but it seems that men over the age of 50 are damaged out here where I live.

[Reflective82]

Is it just that people are not messaging you, or no one that you like? Sometimes I go a while without a date from link removed, but I actually ignore or delete a lot of messages, so just remember that.

 

I don't tend to think women initating works, but you could do a searh for the type of men you like, and then once they see you have looked at their profile they will message if they are interested.

 

I think it's great you're focused on losing weight-- you will find someone to love you for you, but I do have to be honest and say that a lot of men are visual and dare I say it prioritising looks, so making yourself look the best that you can will really help

[LoveSoDeep]

You know not every site is good for everyone that's why there are so many. If PoF works for you than good for you.

 

Personally found Match to be okay but eHarmony was awful! Just not for me and maybe it has to do with where I live but PoF and Match seem to have a lot of the same people....so for now I'll stick with PoF and like you just be more patient.

[t1lersm0m1]

Hi Kendahke,

 

Here's what I do on POF. I go to the Meet Me section. It'll show you profiles and ask if you want to meet the guy. You can click Yes, No or Maybe. I click YES on every guy.

 

If the guy then reaches out to me, I will then thoroughly read his profile and see if I think we might be a good match. If his contact with me seems sincere, then I reply and see where it goes. If a guy asks me questions that are in my profile, I don't bother answering. I've had guys ask where I'm from, what i do for a living, and other things that are in my profile. I've even put what I look for in a man in my description, and what I like to do for fun. So if a guy asks me those questions, I know he hasn't read my profile.

 

If I get a message (I get these a lot) "Sup sexy?" I usually don't bother replying. Those are usually the guys looking for fun or a hookup.

 

Sounds like you've talked/emailed with bitter men. I'd steer clear of them.

 

It's NOT easy, but if you are patient, you can find good men on POF. So far I've found three (still getting to know the third). These are good quality men who treat me very well (first one took me to an amusement park on our second date, second one took me to NYC to see Phantom of the Opera after six weeks and to DC after three months). They are intelligent men who have good jobs and know how to treat a woman.

 

The men are out there, you just have to be patient, and know what to look for. I had one guy tell me he's been hurt. I said "Yeah, who hasn't?" and never spoke to him again. I'm not going to tip toe around your feelings because of something an ex did. I would never make a guy do that with me. I just listen to my instincts and observe the way the man treats me.

[t1lersm0m1]

People aren't messaging me, or if they do they fall off after the second message. I'm successful in dating on POF, so I guess I just don't understand why I get no interest on link removed. I'm not really worried about it, I guess I was just looking to see if anyone here had success on link removed.

 

Is it just that people are not messaging you, or no one that you like? Sometimes I go a while without a date from link removed, but I actually ignore or delete a lot of messages, so just remember that.

 

I don't tend to think women initating works, but you could do a searh for the type of men you like, and then once they see you have looked at their profile they will message if they are interested.

 

I think it's great you're focused on losing weight-- you will find someone to love you for you, but I do have to be honest and say that a lot of men are visual and dare I say it prioritising looks, so making yourself look the best that you can will really help

[Cherry009]

I havent read the whole of this thread but just wanted to say that i tried match for a month and found it awful, the guys on there were weird and i didnt get chatting to anyone decent at all, i even cancelled my membership before my month was over lol, in the past i have had much better luck with other dating sites.

[AE9876]

I havent read the whole of this thread but just wanted to say that i tried match for a month and found it awful, the guys on there were weird and i didnt get chatting to anyone decent at all, i even cancelled my membership before my month was over lol, in the past i have had much better luck with other dating sites.

 

Not just me then. OP is in the States but I shared my experience of match in the first page of the thread. As seasoned online dater, I found men here to be cagey, defensive and weird. What I reckoned to be its strength (tv ads opening it up to more users) I think worked against it - too many newbies not entirely relaxed about what they were doing and how it works. Would you agree?

[Cherry009]

Not just me then. OP is in the States but I shared my experience of match in the first page of the thread. As seasoned online dater, I found men here to be cagey, defensive and weird. What I reckoned to be its strength (tv ads opening it up to more users) I think worked against it - too many newbies not entirely relaxed about what they were doing and how it works. Would you agree?

 

Yeah completely agre, it supposedly has a good reputation and is advertised very well here in the UK, but the men were odd, they didn't seem to get how it works and no one seemed to go further than a 'wink' i hate it when a guy hides behind a wink rather than actually having some balls and just saying hello! it's really not that hard!

[AE9876]

Yeah completely agre, it supposedly has a good reputation and is advertised very well here in the UK, but the men were odd, they didn't seem to get how it works and no one seemed to go further than a 'wink' i hate it when a guy hides behind a wink rather than actually having some balls and just saying hello! it's really not that hard!

 

There was a documentary on here in the UK last week about online dating. (Tonight with Trevor McDonald - might still be available on ITV iplayer or whatever). W

 

What was absolutely SHOCKING was that one site (and I can't remember which but eharmony springs to mind - not sure but it was one of the major ones) well they actually employed hundreds of people to set up fake profiles and chat to people to keep the members hooked in. One guy who was employed to do it actually came on the show to expose it all. He earned a ton of money doing that and had loads of fake profiles. It wasn't even linked to gender, he could pretend to be a girl.

 

Can you believe that? Well this site said they do not do anything like that anymore but it makes you think....

[t1lersm0m1]

WOW AE, makes me think twice about ANY of the paid sites now!

[Kitty]

Another thumbs down for match in the uk.

The guys were old. Or old looking. I had one message and one wink and tbh, I'm waaaaaaay out of their league! It struck me as guys using it as an arranged wedding site so they don't have to do any work. Did not like at all!!!

[Cherry009]

There was a documentary on here in the UK last week about online dating. (Tonight with Trevor McDonald - might still be available on ITV iplayer or whatever). W

 

What was absolutely SHOCKING was that one site (and I can't remember which but eharmony springs to mind - not sure but it was one of the major ones) well they actually employed hundreds of people to set up fake profiles and chat to people to keep the members hooked in. One guy who was employed to do it actually came on the show to expose it all. He earned a ton of money doing that and had loads of fake profiles. It wasn't even linked to gender, he could pretend to be a girl.

 

Can you believe that? Well this site said they do not do anything like that anymore but it makes you think....

 

Oh my god!!!! That is shocking, how can they get away with that?? I bet this kind of thing is happening a lot, perhaps that explains the kind of guys who seem to want to chat and chat and chat but then go quiet when you suggest meeting up! I am going to look for that documentary and try and watch it, sounds interesting!!

[Cherry009]

Another thumbs down for match in the uk.

The guys were old. Or old looking. I had one message and one wink and tbh, I'm waaaaaaay out of their league! It struck me as guys using it as an arranged wedding site so they don't have to do any work. Did not like at all!!!

 

My friend tried it too and hated it, you'd think the pay sites are better than the free ones but they aren't!