nbr Posted October 28, 2013 Author Share Posted October 28, 2013 she called it an Undate. ok. And I now provide exhibit A about how not ready I am yet Still, this had lots of date like qualities to it... At any rate, it felt good, felt healthy, and isn't something that I would think was a challenge. -nbr Link to comment
sharky988 Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 Which is exactly why you SHOULDN'T be going out on dates with single women yet, you're not ready yet and you don't have the skills to handle these situations. She's trying to be cute and coy about it.... because she's interested in you. Just because it FEELS GOOD to date 7 months out of a marriage, doesn't mean it's the right thing to do. It's *not right* to use other people to help us get over our breakups! Link to comment
nbr Posted October 28, 2013 Author Share Posted October 28, 2013 Which is exactly why you SHOULDN'T be going out on dates with single women yet, you're not ready yet and you don't have the skills to handle these situations. She's trying to be cute and coy about it.... because she's interested in you. Just because it FEELS GOOD to date 7 months out of a marriage, doesn't mean it's the right thing to do. It's *not right* to use other people to help us get over our breakups! Hmmmm, This is where I'm going to go with "why are people so confusing?" If you say it's just friends, I'll take it as such... However, I'm still learning all this (obviously), and will have to be mindful in the future. Last thing I want is to stand on someone's back for my gain like that. -nbr Link to comment
nbr Posted October 29, 2013 Author Share Posted October 29, 2013 Ok, she's interested, but also sees the red flags all over me. Had a nice talk over coffee this morning Stays friends, clear boundaries. Life is good Thanks for the blunt wakeup guys and gals -nbr Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Ok, she's interested... And that is why you should not be dating ... Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Agree. She's hoping if she is a friend and is patient, you'll come around. I went through it with my ex. We broke up in June because he wasn't over his wife and wasnt' ready for a relationship. We kept in touch as friends, and it hurt me. We got back together in July, and I was still hurting while dating him. It doesn't matter that you've labeled this a friendship and fun hangout. She is interested. She is going to wait until you are ready for more, and that could be YEARS from now. And that is why you should not be dating ... Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 She's interested + You aren't emotionally avaiable = disaster. If you want friends, call your guyfriends. Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Ok. You "wouldn't mind" if it took a particular direction(is this the woman you said you did a bit of kissing with in your last thread?). She is admittedly interested. After saying she wasn't. I think you like the ego boost. And dude, I don't blame you for enjoying it because it does feel nice. But you DO have red flags all over you. All over you. See how this progresses? From your confidante, to your "undate", to her wanting a guy she can hang out with, to now she has interest. It's moving, and I wonder if you're going to go with it. And you don't need to go out with interested women in order not to sit home alone. Friends, nbr. TRULY platonic friendships. Link to comment
nbr Posted October 29, 2013 Author Share Posted October 29, 2013 Agree. She's hoping if she is a friend and is patient, you'll come around. I went through it with my ex. [...] She is going to wait until you are ready for more, and that could be YEARS from now. So, I enjoy her company a lot... obviously find her attractive, but value not hurting someone for my ego more. What is the best route forward? only chat with her in group settings? (we have overlapping social circles). As to the divorce, all papers are filed on both sides, there is no contest, we are simply waiting the requisite 6 months in CA. It is a done deal. That said, even once it is legally done I don't know when I'll be ready... I *want* to be ready now, I can see where I am not, feel it, but gosh I wish by force of will alone it was possible. hopefully that makes sense... -nbr Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Tell her you are not ready to date and that you don't want to hang out one-on-one anymore as that might lead to the false impression that you are coming around. Link to comment
nbr Posted October 29, 2013 Author Share Posted October 29, 2013 ok. I know I've come a long way from when I showed up here, but wow, more to do Again, thanks for the input all Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 No problem! We are women - we know what's up here! Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 Thank you for listening to us. I truly think she would end up getting hurt if you stayed on this path. Maybe if the stars are aligned right, she will still be single when you ARE ready. And if she's not, you'll find someone else great. But it has to be when you can give a woman 100% of your focus and your heart. ok. I know I've come a long way from when I showed up here, but wow, more to do Again, thanks for the input all Link to comment
sharky988 Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 Thank you for listening to us. I truly think she would end up getting hurt if you stayed on this path. Maybe if the stars are aligned right, she will still be single when you ARE ready. And if she's not, you'll find someone else great. But it has to be when you can give a woman 100% of your focus and your heart. Agreed. Going it alone until you're really ready is not the most FUN way to go about recovering from a divorce.... but it's the KINDER way to go. Good for you for choosing that path! Link to comment
nbr Posted October 30, 2013 Author Share Posted October 30, 2013 Well, looks like she had the same idea. we met for coffee this morning and she had "the talk" with me. Wanted to back off because well, ya'll already know... So, I suppose all's well that ends well. Friends we will remain, just at more of a distance. -nbr Link to comment
Live-N-Learn Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 It is difficult for men and women to just be friends especially when you are going on these so called undates (there is no such thing IMO). I have learned to keep boundaries from women as friends knowing that I usually have some self interest in the pursuit. It is so less complicated and more beneficial to develop strong male friendships. Another added benefit is that they don't need to be put on the back burner if I do start dating someone. As you get older you will have less of a desire for women friends unless they are friends of your spouse or buddies. Women as acquaintances is fine but one on one time is not wise. Link to comment
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