What to make of this....

[littlelamb]

Hi Everyone,

 

Going to make a long story short for you all...

So, my ex broke up with me 1.5 years ago, because he had "doubts about our future" and it was "getting too serious."We had a really great relationship, really loved each other and had plans for a future together. Unfortunately, we had reached that problematic 'power struggle' stage of our relationship, at the same time that he started a new, stressful job a 2 hour drive from my house. We both needed to work on effective communication--something that doesn't run in either of our families, alas.

 

After the break up, I really benefitted from the great advice on this forum, and got busy living my own life. I'm a very different girl than I was 1.5 years ago: new friends, new activities, new house, grad school. I'm way more confident and happy in myself, accomplishing some life goals and feeling genuinely good about life.

 

My ex and I have been mainly in NC/LC since we broke up. He called me at Christmas, I sent a text on his birthday. He texted back a little rant about On my birthday this year (so over a year since the split) he called and left a voicemail. He called me back the next day, and we had a friendly 1/2 hour chat.

 

A month later he was leaving for 6 months to work in Africa, so I called to wish him well. The first 1/2 of the conversation went well, nice friendly chat. However, the 1/2 of the conversation was like talking to a brick wall. He gave curt answers, and I could hear the tension in his tone. He ended the conversation with a put-down about my grad school course, and then said "oh you can email me while I'm away."

 

Ummm what do I make of all this? I'm all for getting back together--but is he just stringing me along? Should I try to be in touch with him, or pretend to drop off the face of the earth? Right now I'm just getting on with my life and not contacting him.

 

Any of your advice would be welcome. Thanks!

[mhowe]

If there was no reason for his change of attitude in the second half of the conversation, I would let him be.

 

I don't see him stringing you along. He said YOU could email him. Not that he would be in touch.

I vote with just keep doing what you are doing, getting on with your life.

[QWit]

continue to get on with your life.. I don't think he is stringing you alone. Can't necessarily hear feelings through texting.

[tonstar89]

next time he contacts you ask him what his intentions are, and be honest with him. Tell him your okay with getting back together but if not tell him you dont feel comfortable with talking with him but once in very great while. YOu have a life to lie and if this is causing you problems you need to love yourself enough to put a stop to it. You have done exactly what you were supoosed to do after a break up and your happy and he knows it. He might just be fishing to see if you still care for him but is he is the same person you broke up with then i would just continue with NC.

[annie24]

hm. i don't see that he wants to get back together - i see that he wants to move to africa for 6 months. blah. you can meet someone else.

[littlelamb]

Aww thanks for the replies, everyone! Just a few more details to clarify. Our break up was really bad (I think he was crying more than me, he used up all my my Kleenex.) and he knows he broke my heart. Is he staying in random contact because of guilt? Would have thought that would be over know--I'm over it!

There is a possible reason for his change of feelings in our last phone conversation. He left the conversation to put his dogs outside, and said"I'll call you back in a few minutes." I was called upstairs by my (male) housemate (we're just housemates, nothing else) and missed my ex's call. Of course I called him back about 30 seconds later and apologized, but the angry wall didn't come down. Is he mad because I'm happy, more outgoing than when we were together?

It taken a long time and lots of work to get myself back together, so I think I will take all your advice and just keep on living and enjoying my life.

Annie24--I'm getting the same feeling. Everything happens for a reason!