I lose interest in everybody. Help!

[fluorescenta]

Hi everyone,

 

I'm a 17 year old girl, a senior in high school. So far throughout my life I've never had a boyfriend, but I've been with/talked to about 5 guys for short periods of time. I am hit on a lot (I've been told I'm gorgeous by many people, even though I don't really believe it) but, I almost always turn away the hits because the guys seem BORING to me. I reject them nicely, of course, as kindly as possible. I've only met one guy in my life so far that was interesting enough/intelligent enough to keep my interest and he had to move away to another state.

So basically, I'm pisssed off. I'm tired of 2 dimensional, boring people who have no depth AND GOD aren't there any intellectual guys at my age? I really am not trying to sound snobby or bratty, but it is just how I genuinely feel right now.

I even tried a different thing and made the first move on a guy I found to be interesting. He ended up really liking me, a lot. BUT, I am losing interest because he isn't challenging or mysterious enough, and I just want somebody who really sparks my interest (like the guy who had to move to another state)

So, does anyone have any idea as to why I'm so caught up in this? Why can't I find anyone who interests me enough?

Thanks

[mhowe]

Because you haven't met the right guy. Girls mature faster than boys --- so highschool an be hard to find the right guy.

Are you going to college?

[pl3asehelp]

Your expectations are the problem. If you need a person to be challenging and mysterious for you to be interested, you will never have a stable relationship and instead should pursue guys who want to play games like you are.

[fluorescenta]

Yeah, I've been told my expectations are too high. As for the game playing, I guess I just find it fun at this age. I'll grow out of it in a couple years lol. Thanks.

[alli]

You say these guys seem boring but there is really no way for you to really know them when you never even get to know them.

 

You are 17 and still in high school. You will do a lot of growing in the upcoming years as you live on your own, go to college or get a job. You will figure out what you want in life, what your career aspirations are and where you want to live. It will be virtually impossible for you to do all these things if you choose one guy that you want to stay with forever. Unless you are both from the same town and you both share the same hopes and dreams of living in exactly that place and all of your career opportunities are right there, the odds are that one of you will have to sacrifice the things you really want in life in order to stay together.

 

I know how it feels to see so many of the people you are in school with dating each other and having (semi) long term relationships and never being one of them. But then once I did date a guy in high school, as soon as I moved away to college it immediately didn't work out. He was like static cling and it was nearly impossible to cut him loose! If I had chosen to stay with him, I would be living on a farm right now in the middle of nowhere, probably working at the same pizza restaurant I had in high school. What I wouldn't be doing is being in college, in my 8th year of post-high school education. I wouldn't have the title of "Dr." in front of my last name as I actually will in a few years. No offense to farmers of course. I'm just saying, I would have had to sacrifice any career desires in order to stay with him. I have a brain and I kind of like to use it in school. I would lose my mind if I still worked every day at that pizza restaurant.

 

AND GOD aren't there any intellectual guys at my age?

 

No. The brain (frontal lobe specifically) is not fully developed in 17 year olds. I've heard males take longer to mature than females. You aren't even as intellectual yet as you will one day become. You will be hard-pressed to find one who's thinking much beyond football, upcoming exams, parties or applying to college. As they should be. This is the last year that people your age have to enjoy life before the real obligations start setting in.

 

I hope you wait to date until you go to college. Both you and the guys you date will mature in time. I hope that in that time, you figure out what is really important to you in a partner and you actively choose partners who fit that, rather than molding your idea of a partner into someone just because they are there and they told you they love you.

[fluorescenta]

Thanks so much Alli, this was really helpful. Oh, the joys of being a teenager.Your insight is incredible and I'm so thankful that you cared enough to write a reply, it really helped me to hear from an older person's point of view. I agree with what you said, and that ultimately I should be focusing on school and other important things right now. You also showed me how unimportant high school relationships are, and I really appreciate that. I wish you luck in your doctor career. Thanks again.

[alli]

I'm so glad to hear it was helpful! Sometimes I wish I was able to give my 18 year old self the same advice!

[mhowe]

I'm so glad to hear it was helpful! Sometimes I wish I was able to give my 18 year old self the same advice!

 

I started posting on ENA when I "met" my 30 year old self. We have become good friends --- and it is kinda fun to go back to age 30 with all the knowledge I have and point out the pitfalls and detours to my "younger self"

[pl3asehelp]

Yeah, I've been told my expectations are too high. As for the game playing, I guess I just find it fun at this age. I'll grow out of it in a couple years lol. Thanks.

 

Your expectations aren't too high, they're misguided and while they might lead you to fun, they will also lead you to a lot of drama, heartache, and failed relationships. Challenging and mysterious is what guys pretend to be when being who they really are doesn't work - so that's the bottom of the barrel in terms of quality.

[alli]

I started posting on ENA when I "met" my 30 year old self. We have become good friends --- and it is kinda fun to go back to age 30 with all the knowledge I have and point out the pitfalls and detours to my "younger self"

 

That's pretty cool!

[mhowe]

That's pretty cool!

 

It really, really is....she is sooo similar to me....in the way she thinks.

There are a bunch of differences, but honestly --- it is like talking to my 30 year old self.

And giving advice!!

[Ayanokōji]

What exactly isn't boring for you? Not intellectual challenged enough? There are a lot of wise people of young age out there and you will soon find that there are plenty of people more mature/intellectual than you are but you need to be at the places that these people would gather. Choose your venue well and the right kinds of people will follow.