Sooo... primarily physical relationship?

[Cappi]

Hey all I was just wondering if I could get any opinions on what's going on here!

 

First of all, I'm eighteen and in college. I just broke up with my boyfriend of about six months. A few days after that I casually met up with a new guy friend and we really hit it off after two hours or so... so he invited me over to his place on the weekend and away I went.

 

To make a long story short, at the end of the night we were making out and generally having a fooling around good time. We met up the next night and did the same thing. Now... on that first casual night, we talked a lot about relationships and what we both wanted... he seemed very sincere and serious about it. I know some old friends of his who say he's a really great guy and always has been. Anyway, we've agreed to go exclusive right off.

 

Since then, every time we've gotten together (twice) has resulted in us pretty much hooking up to fool around. I didn't really care, at first, because it was fun, but now I'm wondering if that's all there is to it. Then again... if it was, he wouldn't be willing to talk so openly about it or be in an exclusive relationship... would he?

 

Should I bring it up or something? I don't want to be a pain right off the bat. I was thinking maybe it's just because we both have very busy daytime schedules and we can usually only get together later on at night... so there's nothing else to do but watch a movie and blah blah blah.

 

In it for the action or not?

[ticklebug]

I'd talk to him if I were you...relationships that start out al hot n heavy like that tend to fizzle about as fast as they flame. You need to take the time to get to know each other....and not just physically.

 

If you want to test how serious he is about being exclusive and wanting a relationship...your best bet is to put a ban on sexual interaction while you are together for a week...just TALK...get to know each other...instead of staying home and watching a movie (which leasd to boredom which leads to the bedroom) go out to a coffee shop or something...

 

the other thing that will do is help you to figure out if this new guy is possibly a rebound fling for you...or something worth working on for more than just the physical "relief".

[fluffie]

I wouldnt put a total BAN on it but.... I wouldnt see him evey night otherwise he know hes tooo important and can get it when ever he wants.

 

Another thing you could do is to slow it down... go out for dinner so you guys have to talk for a few hours first.

 

I think you have to establish a realationship 1st or it could fizz.

 

Telephone chats are good to on night if you dont see him.. Keep up the communication then give him a treat!! LOL!!

[Cecelius]

Dunno if you are interested in a male opinion, but I was in college once.

 

He probably just doesn't see that that's all you're doing as far as you're concerned. it's probably not intentional and he is probably secretly thanking the stars that he met a decent girl he can talk to and who's into hanging out that way.

 

If you ban the physical interaction and if you raise the topic as a problem or formal point of discussion, at best the relationship will be over-dramatic and at worst he will break up with you (a ban, meaning an affirmative, communicated "Rules" conversation, will strike him as odd, out of character, etc. Even if he is a "good guy" it will still be like a smack in the face or that he's on probation).

 

If you don't actually feel like having as much physical interaction as he does or as you were having with him, that is fine. I would suggest that you enjoy his company and simply don't make a big thing about it.

 

Lastly, ask him out. Ask him to do something. On a college campus there are lots of cheap things to do ("Lets go for a walk and I can gaze at you in the cheap streetlight.." or tour the buildings, have pizza, play video games, make dinner (invite him to make dinner for you) if you have the means, concerts, bars, ice cream, etc.) If he likes you genuinely (and it seems he does) he will be thrilled that you are that interesting, that full of ideas, etc.

 

Later on you can decide if he's dull and that's why he can never think of anything to do.

[OceanEyes]

I doubt that things are purely physical. Generally when something is physical, there won't be talks about relationships and being 'exclusive'.

 

Is there always a good flow of conversation? Is he considerate of your feelings and shows respect? Does he stick around after fooling around to chat and cuddle?

 

Believe me, I've dated both types of guys, and none of the butt-hunters would have ever agreed to exclusivity. In my experience, most guys are pretty up-front about wanting to (or not wanting to) be in a relationship. And, even if they don't just come right out and say it, you will definitely get that 'vibe' and hear bad things about him.

 

Good luck!