Cappi

Never assume she hates your guts! It doesn't sound at all like she does, just that things got a bit awkward between you two thanks to the meddling of others. The "my dad doesn't want me dating" thing could be legit, or it could be her easiest excuse if she really doesn't feel ready for it. I know that was I was 15/16, I definitely used that excuse even though it wasn't true... it's one of the easiest things to say. She might even think that you don't like her, since she turned you down, in a way. I'd say to just try and ease yourself back into things again. It'll be awkward, but just try and pretend nothing happened. It doesn't have to be anything crazy... just casual conversation... how was your weekend, that sort of thing. That'll get the ball rolling for something more if it's meant to be.

One thing I've learned from my present boyfriend, who got taken advantage of in the past... Be the "nice guy" but to a point - don't let people, girls, walk over you. Have high standards for how you want to be treated. Know your worth and expect nothing less. There are people that, given the chance, will use you if you're "too" nice.

We're both 19. I honestly think I have told him everything. He acknowledges, and tells me to go out because he's being a "bad boyfriend" by not wanting me to go. But I can't - I know he's going to be upset and just try and hide it. As for combining the two, it's a possibility, I'm willing... but I think he'd feel out of place because he doesn't know anything about cars and if my friends and I are rambling on about car specs... it might make him feel awkward. I'll definitely ask him though. It seems like he's focused constantly on things that will break us up. I applied to some new schools yesterday, and he didn't want to talk about it because "if I go to school I'll definitely break up with him." I don't know if counselling would work... I really doubt he'd go, because he'd just say "go out, I'll deal with it." I tell him that he should have to "deal with" anything, that doesn't form a healthy relationship. I'm here to help him take on things... but this is one thing that is hard to conquer. Thanks for your post.

Hey all! First, thanks everyone for replying to my last posting regarding snowboarding and him being mad, etc... you all helped me understand what he explained to me later. Now since then, I've been invited and bothered to go a few times, and I never do. I won't go unless it's with him. He told me that when I start working again (recently lost job), he'll sit at home and wait for me to get off work because he "has the most fun with me, so what's the point of anything else?" Now... he works a lot, and since I'm job searching right now, I've got not so much to do. I have a pretty large "social circle" of friends, and as I mentioned in the previous post, most are guys. It's because I'm involved pretty heavily in things that are mostly guy-centered... namely sport compact cars & the showing of em! We get along really great BESIDES this ONE issue. When I want to go out somewhere... anywhere... he gets weird with me. If he's working an evening shift and I get invited out with a group of friends to go clubbing or even just hang out, he will tell me to go, but it's quite obvious that he's really not okay with it. He claims that when I go out with anyone else it makes him feel like I don't have fun when I'm with him, and he's jealous that someone else gets to show me a good time. This results in me feeling incredibly guilty for doing anything with anyone. I would understand if I was going out with other people over him - but I'm not. He's working... so I wouldn't be able to do anything with him. I've told him that he takes priority over others and I will go out with him before I go out with anyone else, obviously. All my friends are at my throat because I haven't done anything with anyone in a while now. I respect how he feels and understand completely, however... I'm not used to being isolated to one person like this. He works a lot and I can't go anywhere for fear he'll be upset and not tell me. He told me during one of the discussions of this issue that I should just go out, don't worry about him... I said no, he'd still be upset. He said yes, but he wouldn't let me see it. I got pissed because he shouldn't even consider doing that - he shouldn't hide anything like that from me, I want to know how he feels. And, odds are, I'd be able to tell anyway. I don't know how to help this. If I go out - I feel guilty and horrible, and he gets upset. If I stay in, I feel like I'm missing out on my life and a good time with my friends. I don't know what causes him to be like this... he's been in a ton of relationships with cheating involved, and I think he's got trust issues or something. I just don't know how to help. He doesn't seem to understand that I can love spending time with him AND have a balance with my friends, too... and NOT cheat on him. I would never, EVER do that, and he knows how I feel about that... Every time this comes up, we go through a huge multi hour conversation, and it always ends in me saying "forget about it, I'll stay in." I really like this guy and I want to keep things going with him, but this is something I haven't dealt with before...

Hey everyone... would appreciate some opinion on this situation! I'm 19 and so is my boyfriend. Briefly... we've been going out for a month and a half and are quite close. He's working until 10pm tonight, and I got invited to learn to snowboard with some friends. When I told him this (while he was already at work so we couldn't talk at length) he changes... he doesn't get MAD exactly but he's either annoyed or disturbed or something - I know he wanted to learn with me, but he's working and this is an opportunity I don't want to pass up. I told him I wished he was coming with me, and he just sort of went "heh, yeah..." like he didn't believe me or something. I've been having issues with him not liking me going out with my friends when he's working (most of my friends are guys, creating even more problems) and I don't know... now I feel horrible every time I go out, and guilty...

Hey all I was just wondering if I could get any opinions on what's going on here! First of all, I'm eighteen and in college. I just broke up with my boyfriend of about six months. A few days after that I casually met up with a new guy friend and we really hit it off after two hours or so... so he invited me over to his place on the weekend and away I went. To make a long story short, at the end of the night we were making out and generally having a fooling around good time. We met up the next night and did the same thing. Now... on that first casual night, we talked a lot about relationships and what we both wanted... he seemed very sincere and serious about it. I know some old friends of his who say he's a really great guy and always has been. Anyway, we've agreed to go exclusive right off. Since then, every time we've gotten together (twice) has resulted in us pretty much hooking up to fool around. I didn't really care, at first, because it was fun, but now I'm wondering if that's all there is to it. Then again... if it was, he wouldn't be willing to talk so openly about it or be in an exclusive relationship... would he? Should I bring it up or something? I don't want to be a pain right off the bat. I was thinking maybe it's just because we both have very busy daytime schedules and we can usually only get together later on at night... so there's nothing else to do but watch a movie and blah blah blah. In it for the action or not?

Yep, I was very much considering the guys at work thing as well. Scary things could happen. My current boyfriend is all about the "we're getting married and having kids and being together forever and ever and ever" thing while I'm like... sloooow down a second! The entire thing sucks.

Here we go again! So the deal is I've been going out with this guy for four months now - although it's more like six because we were really close but not "official" for a while. He's 16, I'm 18. This is cause for some differences, obviously, but nothing we haven't been able to deal with. We're happy, everything's good... buuuuuuuut! I just got a new job. This job is in sales. This job surrounds me with guys (I'm one of about 15, maybe, in 100.) These guys are all my age or older. I've been hanging around with all my boyfriend's friends - 15/16/17 year old guys. Fun, but limited things to do. Now that I have this job I have a ton - TON - of new friends, and I've been asked out by more than 5 guys thus far... and some of these guys I would have gladly gone out with if it weren't for my current younger boyfriend. Now... I'm awfully conflicted. It's bothering me to say no to all these people because I feel like I'm missing out. On the other hand, there is NOTHING wrong with the guy I'm going out with now - he's a sweetheart and he does love me one hell of a lot. I would feel absolutely horrible if I broke up with him - but on the other hand I'll be forever wondering what I'm missing if I don't. Have absolutely no idea what to do.

I need heeeelp! Here's the situation. I'm 18, and recently I went on this educational type trip overseas. One of the other people on the trip was this guy also from my school - he's two grades younger and 16 or 17. I could tell during the trip that he liked me, because every time I looked at him from my friends, he'd be staring right at me! He was quite obviously really shy, though. Eventually we started talking through a mutual friend. We got to be pretty good friends by the end of the trip. Through this mutual friend we ended up going out in a group a lot after we got back. We see each other a lot at school, too, and we're really good friends now. What I'm confused about it where we stand in a relationship sort of way. I've always been sort of a tomboy type, and I go out with him and his guy friends a lot - but I'm used to hanging out with all guys and doing guy stuff. He's been phoning me a lot "just to talk" even though he told me he doesn't do that when we first met. Last night, we somehow ended up going to the movies with just us two. Lately he's also been calling me things like 'babe' and 'sexy.' I have noooo idea what I'm supposed to think. It's proving hard to figure out what's going on... if we're just good friends, or what? Any opinions on this? Help!

Hmm. Well, if I were just sitting eating somewhere, and a guy came up to me and started talking - then I'd have to say yes, my first thought would be that he was going to be hitting on me. That's not a bad thing all of the time. I mean, if I'm eating alone, I usually don't mind any company... whether I know the person or not. And I'm not a particularily outgoing girl. And as for appearance, well, of course -- everyone gets a first impression right away, on looks. As for me personally... I really couldn't care less how someone looked. As for icebreakers, I'm rather hopeless there, sorry. Maybe try to join up with her before she sits down -- I'd think approaching someone already settled would be harder? I don't know if it's possible to ask someone out on a date without seeming like you're trying to pick them up... because that's what you ARE doing. But just keep it casual, warm and friendly. As a girl, I know that I don't mind seeing that guys are interested in me. It's a compliment. Hope I helped some, vampyr!

Hmmm. Well... I think, in that situation, you should just lay back and relax, see what plays out. If she's already told you that she isn't going to give you another chance, to me that means that she doesn't really want you trying to win her back or anything like that. It could just be that she needs a little time to think about everything. If you treated her as well as you and your friends say, then there's a chance she'll see the light and come back. You never mentioned a reason why she broke up with you in the first place. If you just sit back, hang out with her or help her out when you get the chance... then it gives her the opportunity to chill and think about things. Don't waste time by waiting for her, though - if you meet someone else by chance, then take it. In other words, keep the lines of communication open, but don't wait forever.

If you've been going out for that long, there has to be something more than the fact that "she wants to be single." With the little info I know, that sounds like she's interested in someone else, perhaps. Maybe her interests just changed. You won't be able to do anything to get her back if you don't know exactly what happened or changed. I'd suggest asking her to tell you straight up why she isn't interested in the relationship anymore. The only way to fix something is knowing what's broken.

Wow, that has NEVER happened before... I had to edit my post, I accidently put I was 16 when I'm 17. How weird is that... I need to screw my head on tighter this morning.

I will be telling him how I feel soon, in_the_mirror... just need a good time, I think. I've been wayyy putting it off. That's the other thing. I want to go out, DO stuff, have fun and a good time. He wants to basically stay home and chill out, watch TV all the time. I don't mind that... but it gets boring after a time.

Thanks for replying. I did want to date him at first, of course, since I did say yes. I felt strongly about him at first, mainly because he was VERY supportive and VERY caring, something I never really had before. Now he seems to complain about his job more than anything else... hm. I know for sure I will be going to university or college, I still need to decide where and for what. It's going to be a really stressful year for me. I don't know if I can balance a hard year at school, family issues, and a relationship that I am having conflicting feelings over... especially one that is semi-long distance. My parents are always telling me, "You can do better than him" and "It's time to start looking around again." I have a strong relationship with my parents... so it's not helping much, heh. And as for why do women date older men, well, I didn't date him for his age. I actually didn't know how old he was, even what he looked like until we had known each other online for a good few months. Looks/age are not important to me at all, but it helps. I know I have to make a decision eventually... but I seriously think I'll break this guy's heart if I break it off. AHHHHH!