Maintenance payments......

[Luigi68]

I have been separated from my ex-wife for 5 years and we are divorced.

 

We have 2 daughters together and they live with their mum and have come to me and my fiancé one day in the week and every Saturday night and Sunday.

 

Prior to my new relationship the girls have always come to me under this arrangement.

 

I was pushed during the divorce discussions for a set amount to pay monthly and as this was significantly above the recommended rates I resisted and have always paid @ £20 more than the recommended figure. In addition I have put money to one side each month out of which I pay pocket money of £15pm, £60 towards college transport for my eldest at 17. I also contribute when the girls are with me to clothes and also pay £20pm for my youngest (14) phone.

 

I try not to be precious about money but do try and educate the girls on the value of money.

 

I consider, after talking to people at work in similar positions that I am doing more than is required and more than most men in my situation. I do this because I want to not because I have to.

 

Periodically, if I turn down a request for money from my daughters or question I get a text from their mother along the lines of how disappointed she is etc etc. Today, the CSA was mentioned. I know I am in the right and if I was made to pay more money I would simply cut the extras I pay for the girls - a move I would find very difficult as I like to do my bit.

 

I am not really looking for answers here, just wondering if other people have experienced the same situation and wondered how they dealt with it.

[mhowe]

Let your wife mention it all she wants --- she needs to go to court to have it changed.

And, as you can prove that you are currently paying above --- tell her that you will drop the "extras" if she tries to change it.

[lavenderdove]

If you have a legal agreement in hand, she cannot alter that agreement without taking you to court. She also can't demand more than is specified in the agreement for 'extras' unless you want to pay them.

 

If you are engaged, i'd check with an attorney to see whether after you marry, she can take you to court to try to get more money based on your future wife's salary combined with yours. In most cases, no, but not all. So you do need legal advice on how a new marriage will impact your finances and her potential to take you to court to get you to pay more money.

[Luigi68]

Thanks. I think it may come to that. A shame because the way it is I feel like I am doing something directly for the girls and would find it hard to say no to their requests and to direct them back to their mother. That said they are of an age where I can discuss with them

[lavenderdove]

You can be very honest with your children if they are old enough, including how much you pay their mother support for, and what it is intended to be spent on. Then let your ex be in the position of having to justify why she is spending it on something else, or not ensuring the money is spent wisely on her children's behalf.

[chitown9]

I have found that when I have done something nice for someone over a period of time it becomes something to be expected. A feeling of entitlement develops instead of a feeling of appreciation. I am not saying that your daughters are like that....but their mother seems to have developed this attitude. It is dissapointing, I know. Maybe it would be best to drop the extras for a while. It might be the wake up call that is needed here. chi