Dated someone that I think was Bipolar

[Redabc123]

I posted about a week ago about a guy I had been dating for 2 months, so the first couple of weeks everything was fine, about a month in half into dating he disappeared on me. We were set to have a date talked about it all day then a couple hours before the date I text to confirm the date and get no reply. But because he did give me a time and place to meet him I still went thinking he would be ere needless to say he never showed up. I get a text the next morning saying how sorry he was and that he gets like this sometimes where he wants to be alone and shuts down. I ignored the text thinking he just blew me off and either wasn't that interested or found someone else. For 3 days straight he told me how sorry he was through texting and calling even sending flowers to my job. Even though he didn't completely explained why he "shuts down" he did say that his family is used to it and knows when he is in one of his moods and stays out of his way, I though maybe he was just a little stresses I didn't pry, we continued to date and about a week ago he completely disappears on me out of no where again. We had talked about being together, dating while he went to school, I've met his family and friends. The day that he ignored me we spoke that day and everything was normal I asked if he wanted to meet up to say goodbye before he left for school since I had to go out of town, but I never got a response, I tried calling and texting a few more times between that day and the next a total of 5 times just telling him I'm worried, but no response, I thought maybe be I'd stop by his house and see if everything was ok but when I went by his car was in the driveway so I figured that this was to weird to figure out, mailed him his personal things and left it alone. My mom mentioned to me that she thought maybe he was bipolar but shrugged it off. It's only been a week but for some reason this is still bothering me he sent a text the other day but it was blank, I know he is ok and alive because he is still on Facebook. This guy was sweet, intelligent, we had many things in common he was definitely a catch before it got weird. I thought maybe he was just after sex but after dating him for a while and seeing how we interacted with each other I don't think that was it, can someone give me some insight please... It's heavy on my mind mostly because I didnt see it coming, we laughing joking with each other before he just disappeared and in reading about the disorder he shows a lot of the symptoms that his family mentioned but I didn't think about until now Any advice would be great thank you

[NIN2000]

Bi polar and Borderline Personalit Disorder get confused by therapist because their charachteristics overlap.

 

Bi polar's have moods swings but they become depressed for months which they need medication in order to get by a normal day.

 

Borderlines are impulsive, mood swings occur daily and for no reason. When a borderline meets someone they like they mirror the other persons personality, therefore you think you found the perfect catch. All of the sudden they get tired of playing the "role" and like a bi polar they snap.

 

If you want more information on each disorder google them and you will have a treasure of resources to read. However, a big mistake which many who date a person with mental health commit is thinking that "love will conquer all". Not so. Especially when you are dealing with someone who has a mental disorder. Normal people fail to realize that such individuals are not playing with a full deck of cards and their emotional mood swings are not a choice but a natural reaction.

 

I highly advise you to avoid such people or you will become a victim of extreme pain.

[ThatwasThen]

I'm not quite sure why knowing if he was mentally issued would help you to get closure? The thing is, he's totally NOT good relationship material due to his actions alone. Knowing WHY he acts the way he does perhaps helps your ego since he can't help it and rather then it be rejection outright, it's just the way his mental illness manifests itself?

 

Bottomline. The man is rude, inconsiderate on a regular basis. (no matter what the reason) To me, that is enough for you to get your closure. Seriously! It's him, not you and although I don't even know you, I certainly know you desever a better life then what you would have gotten with him. Let it go and get on with that very conviction.

[bulletproof]

Doesn't matter why. He might just be really inconsiderate and immature.

 

Don't diagnose people. It's irrelevant to your healing.

[Ms Darcy]

Doesn't matter why. He might just be really inconsiderate and immature.

 

Don't diagnose people. It's irrelevant to your healing.

 

Completely agree.

[Batya33]

Yes- not sure why it matters. I wouldn't take his rudeness personally.

[annie24]

Or he could be just a jerk!

 

I agree with the others - there's no point in diagnosing someone, and even if you are a Dr., you're broken up.

[savignon]

My aunt has always given me the wise advice that people show their "true colors" at around 3 months. So basically take everything up till then with a grain of salt. People put their best foot forward.

When he told you "my family just leaves me be when I get like this" he was saying "this happens often enough and I've come to expect that the people in my life will understand and accept it when I disappear for a bit". You say you didn't see it coming but after the first time and the essential warning that its his MO, I wouldn't be so surprised.

We've all been there...live and learn.

Doesn't matter why he is the way he is but I'm guilty of trying to figure out "why" a guy has behaved the way he has as well. Mostly b/c I want to believe there is something hugely wrong with them and nothing at all wrong with me. What's wrong with me is I don't pay enough attention to the first few red flags and then experience complete shock and hurt when they keep doing whatever it was they were always doing. The definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

[dfl2000]

I myself am bipolar and agree with others that he is rude lol. I cant speak to any behaviors that Borderline Personality disorder might cause, but when you're bipolar you may indeed go through dark times when you cant get out of bed... But if you have a date with someone you actually care about enough to send flowers and beg forgiveness, you shouldn't stand them up in the first place-- you at least call them ahead of time and tell them you don't feel well. There are very few circumstances where one truly cannot do you the courtesy of calling ahead to cancel and this isn't one of them.

 

So he is just inconsiderate and/or so used to being coddled by those around him due to his illness that he has been enabled into thinking this behavior is acceptable. Either way, move on.

[dfl2000]

This is also very good advice