Friends or Something More? And My Journey to Figure it Out!

[MBEC13]

Hi. I am sort of new here. I did come here for some relationship advice a couple years ago, but in a different section of the forum. I’m back for different reasons and under a different name.

 

A little about me…

 

I’m a 48 year old single woman with two boys, one in college, and the other just moved to the west coast for a new job. I have been divorced for about 11 years, but have dated since then. Most recently, I was in a four-year relationship that ended 2 years ago. I am still friends with him, as well as another guy that I dated about 6 years ago. After the last break-up, I decided to remain single for a while, focus on being a mom, and work on myself before dating again. I figured that I needed to be good on my own, before I could be good in a relationship.

 

Knowing that the empty nest was coming quickly, I also decided that I needed to make more friends and start getting out to meet people. I joined some local meetup groups and immediately starting making friends. One of my groups is a singles group for people over 45. Although it is a singles group, I didn’t go to the meetups with the intention of meeting a guy. But I got to the point that if I did meet a guy that was interesting, I would accept it for what it was. In so many ways, dating feels brand new to me, and I feel out of touch.

 

Aside from that, for the past two years, and since joining the group, I haven’t even met a guy that seemed like he would be someome interesting. To be honest, I wasn’t looking, and even if I guy was interested, I am pretty sure that wall I had around me would have chased them away.

 

That changed in April.

 

I met a guy at one of the meetups that got my attention very quickly. He had been at some of the other meetups, but I never actually met him. There are often a lot of people, so I meet new people each time.

 

At this particular meetup , I was introduced to the guy for the first time. I shook his hand, and said hello, but I went to another area of the place and sat to eat. To be quite honest, I dismissed him. I knew a couple people there and talked to them for a while. Later in the evening, I walked to the other side, and a woman I know was sitting beside him. She invited me to sit down, and I did. Within 5 minutes, this guy caught my attention, and he has had my attention since.

 

It’s funny because he isn’t someone I would even pay attention to under normal circumstances. He isn’t drop dead gorgeous, not what I would ever consider my type (not that my type has worked out anyway, obviously). He is a bit quirky, quiet but sociable, maybe a bit eccentric in some ways. But this guy was different, and I knew immediately.

 

We have many things in common, and I’ve been trying to explore it as a friendship only, not expecting more. But maybe, just maybe, this is more.

If it’s a friendship, then it’s a friendship. If it’s more, than I’m willing to invest the time with him (and here) to figure it out. Your input and advice is very welcome.

 

Now, that was just an intro. Where to start? I guess we can start with that night, at the table, back in April. Then I’ll bring it to the present and today.

 

If you’ve read this far, thank you. And you are all welcome to come on this journey with me - to figure out if I've made a great friend, or if this is the start of something special.

 

~MB

[MBEC13]

The end of April -- The night it all began....

 

As I mentioned, I sat at the table with my friend, and he was beside her. I ended up being right accross from him. I can’t remember how we got on the topic, but I mentioned a documentary film that my son had used as a project for school, and the guy knew the film. It caught me by surprise. This is an off-the-wall film, and I knew the guy was different.

 

Wham! Instant connection!

 

As the night went on, I learned more about him, saw a picture of his daughter, and we found we had many things in common.

 

The place started thinning out, and my friend suggested that we go to a local dive bar just down the street. I learned that it was just a block from his house. This is going to be an important detail later in my story.

 

It was getting late, and it was a work night, but I was having such a good time. I decided that I would stay maybe an hour and then leave. So I went. A few other people from the meetup (didn’t know them) also came. One of those other people eventually became one of my best friends.

 

When we got to the bar, the guy sat beside me. We talked all night. Yes, the other people were there, and occasionally spoke to us, and we acknowledged them. But it was as if nobody else was around. If you’ve had this happen before, you know what I’m talking about. The way we were with each other that night, is the way we always are whenever we get to see each other. The conversation goes on for hours, as if nobody else is around. And everybody sees it.

 

I learned more about what he did. For the purposes of keeping him and me somewhat anonymous, I will just say that he has a career in music and he travels a lot. That is also adds a layer of complexity to our friendship and my journey.

 

Of course, I stayed much longer than an hour and was out much later than I had planned. I finally had to say goodnight. My friend from earlier asked me for my phone number, and then she asked the same of him. As I was standing there plugging her number into my phone, he just stood there with his phone out. I couldn’t tell if he was wanting my number, but he didn’t ask (this pattern is important for my story too, as you will see). I finally decided to take a chance, and asked for his number. He gave it gladly.

 

I hugged them both and said goodbye and went home.

 

The next day, I sent texts to both of them, telling them I had a great night. They both replied. He was short in his reply, but he did respond.

 

Later that night the friend called me and asked what was going on between me and the guy. I guess I'll call him GT for the purpose of this thread - he is special enough to have a name, haha. I told her that I didn't know and she said it seemed we connected. She said that he is a wonderful guy, and she would love to see us together. I told her it was too soon to tell, and she said then friends, let it start as friendship, and who knows where it could go. I took her advice.

 

I was disappointed that I didn’t hear anything from him for the rest of that week. Thinking about how different he is, and the way he came accross as a bit shy that first night, I took a chance and sent him a text message. He responded immediately and seemed pleased to hear from me. I didn’t want to appear too needy so I dropped off of the text. But that first text was the start of something special between us, and it hasn't stopped!

 

The texting is also an important part of this journey, since this is our general form of communication. It’s very odd, but at the same time, we’ve managed to become very close through it. It has also worked out well since he travels a lot.

 

That was the end of April. On to May in my next post.

 

~MB

[MBEC13]

May

 

The next time I saw him…

 

I had signed up to attend a meetup that very next day after my first text to him. About two hours before the meetup, he sent me a text and said he had just RSVP’d to the meetup and asked if I was going. I told him I was going and I was looking forward to seeing him again.

 

When he got to the meetup, he immediately walked to where I was sitting. He does that everytime he sees me, even now, almost 4 months later.

 

The seat beside me was taken, so he tried to stand by me. Eventually he settled on a seat behind me. As the night wore on, we talked off and on, but we also talked with other people. Eventually, the place thinned out, and I ended up being with him, the friend from earlier, and the new lady that I met the night I met him. Her name is T, and she is now one of my best friends.

 

Eventually, it was just me, GT and the original lady friend.

 

The lady friend had to leave and I said that I didn’t have my check yet. She asked GT if he would stay with me and make sure I was okay. He said he would. (Later she told me that she did that on purpose, to give GT and me some time alone).

 

Although I got my check, GT and I sat after and talked. We closed the place down. He walked me to my car and we stood outside and talked for another 30 minutes.

 

The next day was another rmeetup. We both went.

 

When I came in, I said hello. I was a bit flustered from the traffic and running late, and went to the bar to get a drink and order food. He came up and sat beside me, and immediately talked about a book that he was reading that was relating to something I said the night before. Then he mentioned a job that he used to have that was relating to my current occupation. He even took a picture of the book he was reading and shared it with me. The guy had been listening to me the night before and was trying to find some common ground. This scored big bonus points with me!

 

As with the week before, a small group of us went to the local dive bar near his house. We closed the place down and I didn’t get home until 2:30 in the morning.

 

Right after that, he went out of town.

 

But while he was gone, we exchanged text messages. He would send me pictures of places he was visiting, sunsets, sunrises, rain showers, waterfalls, bike rides, buildings, art, and I shared what I could, but what I had wasn’t nearly as exciting as his journeys. This picture thing is also a key part to this story, because we still do this text/picture exchange today.

 

I can’t remember how that picture thing started, but it just did.

 

I was still the one initiating the text most of the time (still do), but sometimes he would surprise me by texting me a picture. It always made me smile to know he was thinking of me.

 

Those simple gestures and that first month of him being away – a great friendship was born!

 

I saw him again at the end of May at another meetup. It was the same thing, same dive bar after, and same long conversations, getting lost in the moment.

 

June

I didn’t see him at all in June. He was traveling a lot, and he was spending time with his little girl.

 

I shared some sad and happy moments, like my son graduating, our last family traditional birthday together (since both kids were moving away), and other moments in my life. He shared his stories with me, the various experiences with his career, and the pictures and texts kept going.

 

Never a phone call, always text messages, and sometimes they would go on for hours. Literally!

 

There is something to be said about written communication, and let me tell you that you can form a friendship or relationship from text messages.

 

I did not hear his voice or see his face until almost mid-July, but we formed a great bond in those hours of messaging back and forth!

[MBEC13]

August

 

He returned in early August. I gave him some time to recuperate from all the traveling and didn’t contact him for a couple days. I have plenty happening in my own life, and keep pretty busy.

 

I had noticed toward the end of the July that he was a bit more quiet with me. I didn’t know if something had changed in the dynamic of the relationship or if was burnout. Now I’m guessing burnout, after some recent conversations.

 

When I did talk to him (and by talking to him, I always mean via text unless it is a face-to-face encounter), I mentioned that me and some of my meetup friends were going out over the weekend to a couple things and invited him. He thanked me for the invite, but didn’t express interest in going.

 

I didn’t push and let it be. I still went out with my friends, but updated him on things we did.

 

A couple days later, he started coming out of the fog, and seemed to be more like himself. One night out of the blue he sent me a text saying he wrote a song. He seemed excited about it, and it made me smile that he wanted to share that with me.

 

A couple days later, I invited him to another thing with my friends, and he said he might go. It was country music and I didn’t hold out hope in him going. Imagine my surprise when I was there and talking to a friend, and he texted me to say he was there. I told him where I was and he found us. And like every other time, he walked right up to me.

 

Aside from that brief visit in July, I hadn’t seen him since May. So it was a pretty great thing to see him face-to-face, hear his voice, and have a real conversation. He scored points with me again, because he doesn’t even known much country music. What a sweet guy.

 

He offered to buy me a drink and we walked around the venue for a bit trying to find one. (It was an outdoor concert.) My friends left us alone most of the evening, giving us time to catch up. And again, like all the other times, attention only on me, and it was like nobody else was around.

 

A couple days later, he sent me a text at work, and asked if I would help him with his resume. I responded that I’d be happy to. We exchanged a few texts, and I took a chance…

I asked what he was doing that night. He responded with not much, errands and maybe a bike ride. I told him that I might be meeting some friends later, and I asked if he wanted to join us. He said sure, let him know when/where.

 

The truth is that aside from a few texts with a couple friends, I really didn’t have concrete plans, and wasn’t even sure I was going to meet them. But with his response, I scrambled to make up something. Haha.

 

And what an interesting night it was! I’ll post about that next.

[Sara1970]

Hello, lovely... I am waiting to hear what happened on your night out... you and your cliff hanger endings xxx

[MBEC13]

Sorry, I didn't mean to leave it hanging like that. My thread was locked by the moderator and one of my posts was removed. I received a warning for multiple accounts, because I had another account her. But to be honest, I didn't even know what that account was anymore, the email address, name, etc... So I'm a bit lost at the moment. I don't know if I'm supposed to use this log in ID or if I need to find information on the old one. And I can't figure out how to respond to the moderator. If this post goes through and isn't blocked, I'll finish with my updates. My apologies!

[ChellyV]

I can't wait!

[MBEC13]

Moderators: Since I can't seem to respond to the warning email and I do not know the old ID, I am going to proceed with this user ID. I am also willing to switch the user ID associated with this thread (or my old one), but I don't know how to do that. Please send me a PM if you want me to take an alternative route. Thank you.

[MBEC13]

My July post appears to be gone, so I am going to re-write it quickly, and then I will finish the story about last Friday.

 

July

My youngest son had college orientation in mid-July. Since he was moving away, and my oldest son was moving to CA, we made a family vacation out of the trip, to get some good quality family time together.

 

While planning the trip I realized that GT would be at a concert venue not too far from where we were. So I let GT know we'd be "in the neighborhood" and he was supportive of me coming to see them. So I purchased tickets for my older son and I. My younger son doesn't like that type of music so he went to do something else with friends. The concert was great, and GT came out to talk to my son and I for a little while before the concert started.

 

I hadn't physically seen GT since the end of May, and hadn't heard his voice. The face-time was awesome. And always, the same connections and ongoing conversation.

 

He texted me during the concert and sent me some pics. It wasn't the first time he did that - pretty cool! The texts continued, but my son and I left a little early because of some bad weather. As we were leaving, I heard a song that GT works on. Right then he sent me a text about the song. That pattern continued while he was away, sharing moments that were important to him. Sharing pics from his hotel rooms (when they were goofy), sending texts or emails with pics of places he was visiting.

 

Some of the texts during July went on through the night into the early morning. One night in particular, we were up until the sunrise, texting each other and sharing pics.

 

Later in July he started to become a little more quiet than usual, and as I said in my post for August, I didn't know why. I tried to accept it for what it was - too busy, just friends, whatever. But I really think he was a bit burned out. I decided to give him space to deal with what he had going on, but checked on him at times to say hello. During that time he also became ill, so I checked on him while he was sick.

 

So for the last two weeks in July, we didn't talk as much. But when we did connect, same patterns.

[MBEC13]

The big night – last Friday!

 

We met at a place not too far from the dive bar and his house. And once again, it was as if nobody else existed. My friends knew the deal, and gave us plenty of space to talk. After dinner, we all decided to go to the dive bar. I gave him a ride to his place to get something (since it was raining and he had walked), but I dropped him off and met him at the bar. This was the first time either of us was in the same car together, and my first time actually seeing where he lived. He walked to the bar a few minutes later.

 

It was extremely crowded and uncomfortable, but GT and I sort of got away from the crowd, leaving my friends to dance. At one point, he invited me outside to talk where it was quieter. The night went on like that, just me and him talking either inside or outside, and whenever I needed something to drink, he went to get it for me.

 

Always a gentleman – the kind that stands up when a lady walks in the room.

 

My friends came over toward the end of the night, around last call. I could always see them from accross the room, but avoided the huge crowd, and hadn’t talked to them for a couple hours. They were asking GT if he had danced. I joked and said he had (knowing he hadn’t). Then right there in front of us, the guy started dancing. And I mean some sexy dancing! We were all shocked.

 

He said we shouldn’t be surprised because he is a drummer. (That isn’t what he does with the music career, but it is his background). To be blunt, it was totally hot! Again, I was shocked!

 

That quiet, "wonder if he is shy", dweeby guy that I have been talking to for almost four months – I saw him through different eyes! And I realized that I am attracted to him, not just intellectually, but now it’s physical attraction too. That isn't good if we're only going to be friends, so I need to keep it in check.

 

I thought that we’d end the night there, but then he asked all of us if we wanted to come to his place for a drink. It took me by surprise to be asked, and we all said okay. He asked us to give him a few minutes to straighten up his place, since he hadn't been expecting guests.

 

We stayed just a few minutes, then we all left and drove to his place, but when we got there, I realized one of my friends didn’t come. Later I realized she drove home because she had to get up early. That bothered me because I had no idea, and I knew she had been drinking. That conversation about drinking and driving has been had since that night, FYI. And BTW, I don’t drink much. I may have two beers max. For that particular night, GT was getting me diet soda all night, so I was totally sober.

 

So anyway, me and my other friend, went into his place. It was just as I pictured, music equipment, some nice art, photographs, eclectic, and simple. I noticed immediately that he had soft lighting and candlelight. Nice mood in the place. He then offered to turn on some music and did.

 

I don’t know if he usually has the lighting like that. I could tell the candles weren’t brand new and had been burned before, so maybe it was all a normal setting for him. However, I did realize the significance of him showing us his place.

 

I was a bit distracted worrying about the friend that didn’t show, and my son also called me while I was there. I couldn’t get my bearings. I also had a lot of thoughts running through my mind about why he offered us the invite. Was this for me? Was it really just a friendly gesture? I couldn’t figure it out.

 

As a result, I was very chatty. I get that way when I’m feeling uncomfortable or it’s quiet – like I have to fill in the gap. Looking back, it was quite funny.

 

We talked about different stuff, but maintained physical distance from each other. It wasn’t the up close and personal style that we usually maintain when we see each other. It was almost as if the distance was there on purpose. Hmmmm….interesting observation that just came to me.

 

We stayted until around 3:30 am. He stared looking sleepy, so my friend and I told him goodnight, and we both drove home separately. But I didn’t get much sleep that night. I kept replaying the night over in my head. What did It all mean? Was he just a friend? Was it more? Did I miss an opportunity to find out? I tried to assume it was nothing.

 

A couple days later, we were exchanging the usual text message banter. I thanked him again for the nice evening and for the invite to his place. I told him that a few of us had gone out to dinner last night and we all decided that his dancing was “sex y as hell” – my first real “flirt” moment with him. He asked who was on the panel that voted. I told him ME OF COURSE, and the rest will remain anonymous. He laughed and asked if I would give him a letter of recommendation for the resume he is working on.

 

I then told him that the invite to his place caught me by surprise. He said that he wanted to give my two friends and opportunity to sober up or use the couch, and wanted to make the offer. So that made me think that he was really just being friendly to us - nothing really happening with him and me, just friends.

 

But then after talking to a couple guys, my son, and a few other friends, when they found out I went to his house, they told me I am clueless. They all see it differently. They are telling me that maybe that sobering up thing was true. But he was probably also thinking that I would work it out with my friends that they would leave when I gave them a signal, leaving us both at his place alone.

 

I’m not sure about that, but I guess it could be true. After all, he’s not like other guys I’ve ever met. He doesn’t seem to initiate much, but will gladly respond to things I initiate, usually. He is very proper and appropriate, so the distance at his place would make sense to me.

 

They tell me that he is "into me" as more than a friend. They say that no guy texts a girl for hours, focuses that much attention on her, unless he likes her.

 

I respond that for all I know he has a girl somewhere, here or on the road. They reply "When would he have time when he's always talking to you?" Or "Does he ever talk about other women to you, like your his buddy, NO. Because he likes you and won't talk about other women in front of you."

 

I don't know about all that. I really didn't expect anything with him. He has never led me on. He has never been less than a gentleman with me. He doesn’t flirt. He doesn’t call. He hasn’t asked me out (that is a big one in my opinion). Aside from giving me all this attention for the past four months in person and via text, I would think we’re just friends.

 

My friends remind me of how much he has been gone, and how much we HAVE shared in that short amount of time we've seen each other. They also remind me that he is juggling his work, his daughter, and the traveling, and when he does have the freedom to invest time with me, that he is ALL IN. They told me to keep doing what I'm doing and show patience, that they wouldn't be surprised if we're working on a slow burning fire. They make a valid point, but again, I remain skeptical.

 

I remember reading an article once about men. That if they are extremely focused on you when you're around them, then that probably means that they give same level of focus to everything in their lives. For example, when I am with him, he doesn't not pull out his phone at all. He may check the name of a song we are listening to, show me a pic or text me a pic, but he does not look at his phone. When he is with me, he is totally focused on me, outside of a few side conversations with my other friends in the group. As for the meetups, same thing, barely talks to anyone else but me. If he has that behavior with me, and that level of focus, it probably means he does the same thing with work, his daughter, everything he does.

 

I also understand that because of his traveling, and the communication via text, that this is almost like a long distance thing. Whatever relationship we have, friendship or otherwise, will develop on a different timetable and through different methods compared to a normal relationship where there is more opportunity to see each other. I also know that his career adds another layer of complication, and relationships are complicated enough when a person is in the same zip code on most days. But I do have a pretty good life outside of him, heck I've been working on it for two years. I don't "need" a guy to feel complete. I refuse to dismiss this one because of the distance.

 

So that brings me her to ENA. Regardless of what this is, I would like to make it a good relationship, because there is obviously something worth working on with him. Even if we only remain friends.

 

I'm hoping that my friends and some smart people here will keep me grounded in reality, and help me make good choices. I want to share my experiences, to think through it, get input, and to ride this out.

 

Again, if nothing else, I have a wonderful friend who cares about me. But if it’s more than that, I want to do this right and I don’t want to mess it up. I am willing to make the investment – he seems to be worth it. And frankly, I’m worth it too and I deserve a great guy!

 

And if I am ever invited to his place again, I want to know how to behave! I can’t be chatty again, how embarrassing! haha

 

That's it for now. I will be traveling for a few days, and he has his daughter. He's also leaving again next week and will be gone for a few days. I'm thinking I will maybe see him the week of Labor Day (around my birthday maybe). In the meantime, I will stick with the pattern. Check on him here and there, and be the person I've been all along.

 

Stay tuned!

[MBEC13]

I made some updates on my thread over in dating that discussed the days during/after taking my son to college. The last update included conversations about GT resigning from his current position and maybe moving to another artist's entourage.

 

The next day was the day that I scheduled my "pity party" - my first real day in the empty nest. My day was filled with texts, phone calls, and Facebook messages with people checking on me. It was very sweet. But I still cried most of the day.

 

That afternoon, GT scored major points with me when he sent me a text to check on me, and asking if talking about his career situation would help or hinder my current state. That got us talking about his daughter and some strange and sad events there, and we eventually started talking about his career. He needed an ear.

 

So he called me. In the four months since I've known him, he had never called. It was a big surprise.

 

We talked briefly, but I was about to go meet friends for dinner. Although I was having a difficult time getting ready, and drying my mom tears. Recognizing that I was in great need of some time with my friends, he was very supportive and encouraging and talked me to going to meet my friends. We agreed that I would call later.

 

During dinner, the conversation turned to him, and I remembered telling him that I was having ice cream and cake at my "pity party" - as a joke. For dessert, I ordered a hot fudge brownie sundae. I took a pic of it, and sent in a text to him saying that I finally got my cake and ice cream.

 

That started some funny banter, including comments from my friends to him. And I decided to be funny and said to him...

 

"They want to know if you have any more cold beer at your place." This was in reference to the invite to his house the Friday night before.

 

He didn't reply at first. By the time he responded, we were all on our way home. I was stuck in some construction traffic and heard a text from him. I glanced down to see that he liked the idea of us all stopping by and said he was out of beer, but he would run up to the store and grab some.

 

Not wanting to text even if I was sitting in traffic, I picked up the phone and called him. He was happy to hear from me and apologized for not responding to the text sooner. I explained that we were already on our way home and I was stuck in traffic. I told him that it was sweet to offer to let us come by. Then he said "I don't even know who 'us' is."

 

So...he was willing to let people come to his house, not even sure who they were, but willing anyway. That is a very trusting guy!

 

That was also the 3rd time he accepted an invitation from me - and not the last (more about that later).

 

I told him that if it were earlier, and not a work night, I would love to come by, even if it was just me. And I asked for a rain check. I told him that I would call him when I got home and we'd continue our conversation about his career choice and I'd offer an ear.

 

(Next post for that phone conversation.)

[MBEC13]

We talked on the phone for about two hours.

 

He opened up a lot more than I have ever heard him do. He gave me the entire history about his current career issues, and why he feels the need to resign and make a change. But he's obviously nervous about whether or not he is making the right decision.

 

We talked about the pros and cons of his current role with xxxxx band, and the pros and cons of leaving to work with yyyyy artist instead.

 

There was strange moment when we talked about cons. As he listed cons for working with yyyyy artist, in the middle of the list he added:

"Catching STD's from assistants."

 

Then he took a long pause and started to chuckle. I didn't say a word (caught me by surprise).

Then he asked "You're going not going to say anything?"

 

Playing it cool and still unsure of what "we" are, I replied. "Nope, I am not gonna touch that. What's next on your list."

 

I reflected on that comment for awhile, even the next day, and still now. I even asked a couple friends for their take on it.

Some thought it was his attempt at checking my interest level in him, see if I'd be jealous, or maybe he just has a perverted sense of humor. He does have a strange sense of humor at times, but obviously feels comfortable with me enough to say something like that. I am still not sure what his intentions were, if there were any at all, but it was odd.

 

He talked about options for where he might have to live. Of course his daughter was a part of that.

 

At one I made a comment that sort of had a compliment built into it. He replied "I think there was a compliment in there somewhere?" I responded "Yes, but it's not like you need them." He replied that yes, he does need compliments and appreciates them. (Another indication of some insecurity in a guy who otherwise seems very secure.)

 

He asked me several times "MB, what should I do? Should I stay with xxxxx, or work with yyyyy, or maybe even A,B,C?" He said my name and asked several times. I was honored to know my opinion mattered. (My apologies again for being vague with the names -- still protecting him in my posts here.)

 

I told him that the situation with his current role, definitely needed changing. And without any indication it was changing, I felt he was making a good decision to resign.

 

The next day, I couldn't get the conversation out of my head. And thinking about "shoulda, woulda, coulda", I didn't want to leave anything unsaid with him. So I took a big deep breath and sent him a heartfelt text.

 

- I told him that I was honored that he asked my advice.

- That I wanted him to choose things that were in his daughter's best interest. But he can't be a good dad to her, if he's not happy. So find a choice that does both.

- I told him that I did have many more compliments for him, and I would make a point to be more clear about them.

- I told him that I vote NO to STD's with the assistants. That his question caught me by surprise, and since he asked I was giving my opinion now!

- I told him that I would hate to see him move away from our area because there are great people here, including me, and we would miss him.

 

He responded with how great and nice I am.

 

We exchanged the usual texts over the next couple of days. I learned that he submitted the letter of resignation. Feeling insecure about the choice, I offered encouragement and complimented him as much as I could to make him feel better.

 

Then he left for another short tour and was gone for about two weeks. We kept in touch while he was gone, exchanging the usual pics, funny stories, and banter. Sometimes I initiated, and sometimes he did. Sometimes my timing was perfect, and sometimes his was.

 

After all my flirts, comments, taking risks, etc..., he is still there. Hmmm......

[MBEC13]

Last Wednesday - GT still out of town

 

I shared an article with him that sort of attacked the industry. It bothered me and I wanted to talk about it. The text conversation exploded (in a good way), with him typing rapid fire responses to the article for me. He was pretty funny!

 

He mentioned how he would feel better after he had some yummy food from catering. And I saw an opening, and asked if he liked Mexican food. (I figured if I ever did invite him or other friends to dinner, it would be an enchilada recipe that I make very well.)

 

He joked me about the way I said it, and tried to make me more politically correct.

 

I rephrased the question and asked if he liked Mexican/American food that was homemade - trying to be funny.

 

He immediately replied 'YES! Especially if it's homemade."

 

This started a brief conversation about what kind of food, what was I making, and then he asked when. So he caught the hint! Yey!

 

I told him I didn't know, but I would pick a date (considering my parent's health issues, his travel, and my college schedule, I knew it might be several days.)

 

He started the rapid fire rants again about the news article. And then I talked about old 45 records that skip and repeat, and I asked him how he got them to stop doing that when he was a kid (referring to him going on and on about the article). Again he got the hint. And he responded.

 

"I fed it Mexican food."

 

Big smile. So he wants me to make him dinner! I think?

 

The text messages dropped off a little while after that.

 

I called a friend and said...."I think I just invited him to dinner, and I think he accepted, I think?" She cracked up laughing at me, telling me how cute we are.

 

lol, okay cute isn't helping. I need help!

[MBEC13]

Sunday (yesterday)

GT got home around 3am. I texted him midday to ask when he was back in town, to ask him if he was going to go to the Meetup last night with our group.

 

He responded that he was back earlier than planned, and he wasn't sure if he make it. He'd let me know. He touched base with me a few times throughout the day, updating me on his activities. I went to Meetup as planned. Later he messaged me to let me know he wouldn't make it in time and he apologized.

 

Later on, my friends suggested that we all go to the local dive bar that we love (the one accross from his place).

 

So I let him know we would be there and asked if he was interested.

 

He responded immediately, "Yes! See you there."

 

Again, he responded to my ask. This is good.

 

I decided to not leave anything to chance and put myself out there the best I could last night.

I got him to dance, I sang karaoke and kicked ass doing so. I was friendly, happy, flirty.

I made it a point to touch him several times, squeezed his hand once, keeping close, but not too close.

 

But then also gave him space to talk to others. I caught him watching me from accross the room several times, including when I was dancing and singing.

 

Before he left, I went to my car to get his long overdue birthday gift. I have had it for a long, but he was traveling and then I forgot last I saw him.

 

He was touched when he saw the package. He said the wrapping paper looked like something from Martha Stewart and he took a picture of it. haha

 

He went back inside to open the present and his face was priceless. It was a collector's book from the last 1800's - his favorite author. That look and that smile was worth waiting to get it to him. He was showing it to everyone.

 

As he was putting the book back in the gift box, I asked what his schedule was like for the next few weeks, knowing he'd be leaving again soon, and that he had to juggle his time with his little girl. He gave me his schedule IN DETAIL, knowing why I was asking.

 

Then just before he left, I saw a moment, and I took it. I asked:

"Would you like to go do something with me before you leave again?"

 

His reply: "I would love to do that."

 

I told him to check his schedule and let me know, and that I would work my college homework around his availability. He said we'd talk again soon. I gave him a big long hard bear hug and said goodbye.

 

And I questioned it again.....Did I just ask him out? Is it a date? OMG. What am I doing? lol

 

Today, he sent me a text expressing again how much he loved the book. We talked a little about nothing special, but it moved to something funny about him needing mental help. And I mentioned that I work in HR and could provide a free mental health session to him, but since my schedule was so busy, I'd have to do it over dinner. I asked "Are you okay mixing business with pleasure?" He said "Yes, as long as HR approves in writing."

 

Okay, that's three times now. We are dancing around it, and I guess we need to pick a day. It will be great to finally have some one-on-one time with him. What to do with it? Uhhhhh, that's the scary part.

[MBEC13]

One more thought before I head off to bed this evening....

 

Is he scared? If he is interested, why doesn't he initiate a little?

 

Also, I have a bad habit of wanting things to come in a package the way I think it should arrive. I have a fear that if he doesn't deliver or respond in "the package" that I expect, that I could dismiss his actions.

 

He clearly is not backing away. He knows I like him. And he is still there.

 

I have got to learn to accept things the way they come sometimes, and just go with it. That is hard for me to do.

 

Anyway, if this is more than a friendship, this is the first time I have had a guy who didn't try to initiate something with me. With my last boyfriend, he asked me out, but I was finally the one that initiated the first kiss. That was exhausting because I questioned it for several dates.

 

If this guy is more than a friend, I do hope he makes his own kind of moves. That would go along way with assuring me right now. Although he seems to respond to anything that I initiate, it is still uncomfortable for me to take these chances, dip my toes in the water, and put my heart out there. I want to know he's in the same place before I go too far.

 

But regardless of what happens with this "dinner" or even after, I hope I don't lose my friend -- one of my best friends.