My Past

[soporcogitavi]

Im 33 now and I've been continually haunted by my past for years now. I can't stop thinking about it and regretting it.

 

In high school I made friends easily enough but seemed to push them away by being judgemental and trying to be cool by insulting them in frony of others. Eventually I had burnt so many bridges that I wasn't well liked at my high school.

 

I continued this sort of trend into my early twenties and often burnt bridges. I calmed down and stopped this behaviour to a certain extent but I really don't have a lot of close friends.

 

I'm now married to a great women and have a couple of children. but I can't seem to let my past go. It bothers me that I was a loser, unpopular, that I can't seem to hold friendships. I feel like she would be ashamed of me if she new she was with a loser.

 

I'm still judgemental to a certain extent, to the fact where I judge my wife's past and it ends up bothering me.

 

I just want to be happy and let things go and be able to move on. I don't want to think about high school and how I want to change the past, and I don't want to let my wife's past bother me, but I don't know how to be happy.

 

I often have dreams about people in my high school and in my dreams we are friends, it's really bizarre.

 

Even now I feel like I'm not good enough and people won't like me, so I tend to judge them or put them down first so as not to feel hurt. Sometimes I just hate myself.

 

I feel like I always have to prove to myself that I'm good enough, or cool enough or good looking enough.

 

I'm almost 35 and these things still bother me.

 

Any advice is appreciated.

[KarenC]

Wow, if you're that judgmental then it's possibly best for you to stay to yourself and away from others because everyone has feelings so stop acting as if you're the only one that does.

 

We can't erase the past and/so all that we can do is try to right our wrongs and just move on.

 

Being arrogant, narcissistic, self-centered, and unkind will get you no where in life and in the end -- some of the same people that we hurt and/or ridicule are sometimes the same ones that we'll need in the end to bail us out.

 

Forgive yourself, try to be nicer, look at yourself in the mirror really long & hard because no one is perfect, and just simply move on.

[Glowguy]

You might want to try meditation. Becoming more aware of these feelings is a good first step but you need to dive a little deeper to figure out why. Try wishing for good things to happen to people even when you don't like them. When you notice yourself having these thoughts you can try to reverse them. A fake it till you make it approach is often helpful. Even if the thought seems insincere it will start to snowball if you do it often enough. Most people are fairly judgemental, envious, and greedy. It's just human nature but the habit can be broken with practice and effort.

[alli]

High school was just 4 years of your life as an adolescent. It isn't who you are. With every year of our lives that passes, we change a bit. When many years pass, we change a lot. Just because you weren't popular in high school doesn't mean you are a loser now.

 

I was kind of average in high school. I didn't try that hard in class & I didn't get exceptionally good grades. But I look objectively at all the things I did as an adult and I certainly can't say the average person has accomplished the things I have. Which is more important- high school your past 10-15 years? You have made improvements in your life and said yourself that you have a great wife and kids.

 

If you feel like you still aren't where you want to be with your judgement of other people, consider finding a therapist who can maybe help you gain more empathy to others.

[SpottiOtti]

Have you determined the cause within yourself which makes you behave in a judgmental way and to be cruel to those who care about you?

[annie24]

meh, high school was forever ago. most people were jerks/nerds/snobs/whatever in high school and life has knocked them around since and humbled them. you're no different. don't take it hard, just learn from the experience and move on. do you have a reunion coming up or something?

[The_Seeker]

Solution:

 

Don't let your story be your story. Also, if you keep looking back to the past, you're heading in that direction in the present and future. Move forward.

 

In other words, you are able to make a change now.