Ex keeps texting me, trying to do NC

[Ragamuffin blu]

My ex split up with me 2 months ago, it was a shock as I had ignored the red flags (now I see that!). We were in different countries, I went out to visit in March and after I returned she realised she no longer loved me and saw me only as a friend and probably stepped out of the relationship years ago (she only told me this when she broke up with me). She has met someone else, she insists to me although she cheated it was only after she realised she didn't love me, and she has never loved anyone like she loves this new girl etc etc. (blugh!). She had moved on and never wants to get back with me.

 

Now she has moved back we are in the same country, we met up a month ago on her return so we could 'break up face to face', then as few days later I gave her all her stuff back. I wanted to behave in a mature way and not make the break up worse than it needed to be. We met up 2 weeks ago (I know it was stupid but I wanted to see if things would be different if she actually saw me as we had been long distance for awhile and now she had time to settle back - of course it was the same). We had a great day together, we did connect again but on her part it was all friendship. Well I told her then that we should have space 'for the both of us', she agreed, even said it might have been better if we had gone with my first suggestion at the beginning of no contact. So she text me the next day to say she had sent me some stuff I had lent her, we had a bit of text chat but nothing too much. I have not initiated contact at all but every 3 days or so she texts me something on 'practical matters'. I always politely reply to the question. Yesterday she added her new g/f to facebook (she admitted a that she cheated only 2 weeks ago and only because I found out). I immediately unfriended her and ignored a text she sent last night to wish me 'happy friday!'. I have never ignored her and today there was 'practical text' asking me about stuff that had been left at my house and how frustrated she was to ask for it, how she had lied to me only once in 6 years (cheating!) and how she fell out of love with me but that does not make her the bad person etc etc.... I am trying to be mature, I don't want to ignore texts but I want her to stop contacting me about rubbish. I am pretty sure she is only doing it for selfish reasons but I don't really know what to make of it.....Has anyone gone through something similar??

[Snow Bird]

Block his number, email and any other way he can contact you. It's the only way.

[Chris Knows]

You see the light. They are only coming back to give bread crumbs, bring you down and ruin your day.

 

Break off all contact if possible and just ignore the "Happy friday" text.

 

If they genuinely cared, they will make a better effort to get in contact.

[Red Tie]

She is being selfish. She is trying to make her actions justified by staying your "friend".

Dont take pity from her! What she did is wrong and you being her friend is a way for her to justify her past behaviour. Thinka about it this way: If she does what she did to you to a person she is in a relationship with, imagine what type of things she is capable to do to a simple friend.

 

Dont take her bread crumbs. Ignore the text! being polite wont get you anywhere.

If you have an Android Phone download Phone Warrior and block her calls and texts.

 

Best of luck and hang in there! Better times will come.

[charity]

ok yeah she is being uncaring BUT you were responding to all the texts until you became jealous. sort these 'practical' issues, go NC and move on.

[NIN2000]

Apply NC!

 

Live in the present and not the past.

[Ragamuffin blu]

yeah that is true, my friends were telling me to ignore the texts, so in my mind I that was what I was doing and only answered questions, but I guess she thought it was rude I ignored her friendly text. Now I kind of want to send something friendly. I need to stop overanalysing! She has moved on and now made it all public on Facebook. Done done done.

 

Unfortunatley I can't block her yet but I do need to stop thinking about her and move on myself.

[charity]

 

Unfortunatley I can't block her yet but I do need to stop thinking about her and move on myself.

 

i would have thought that it was the opposite... that you CAN at least block her but CANNOT stop thinking of her for the time being.

[Ragamuffin blu]

i would have thought that it was the opposite... that you CAN at least block her but CANNOT stop thinking of her for the time being.

 

Umm yeah, that is a good point, fool unto thyself.

 

Thank you all for your responses! I felt awkward this morning about my text interchanges yesterday and considered texting her to just tell her that I need my space and not to contact me (as we have been on good terms). Then I reread your responses and realised I do not owe her anything and it would just open the can of worms! I only want to do it so she is not angry with me but that should be none of my concern.

[Tanzi]

I think a lot of us have gone through similar. Despite having chosen not to be with us, it seems that many ex's still want to reach out to us in order to know that we are still there for them. They have been used to having us in their lives, depending on us etc and until they get that same level of "togetherness" with a new partner they will often reach out to us for it. They miss the familiarity, the normality and the comfort we once provided. You can be sure, however, that once they have these things elsewhere they will stop wanting to reach out to us. Break-ups are often on the dumpers terms, leaving the dumpee confused and hanging on. Break-ups still seem to be about THEM when really we need to start putting ourselves first and doing what is best for us. Your ex has made her choice. Now she needs to live with it.

[sharky988]

Change your cell number. Easy as pie.

[Ragamuffin blu]

Well I got what I wanted, I told her not to contact me last Sunday and she hasn't. I have found this week to be really tough, I guess as the texts were coming I was still in denial thinking that she missed me.

 

I have read other posts and see others also find how difficult going no contact is. I feel a bit crazy, she has made it clear that she does not want a relationship with me, she has fallen in love with someone else but there is an annoying part of me that still thinks what we has was so special that she will realise her mistake. It feels ridiculous to even write it. Last night I googled her, and her new person, fortunately nothing much came up, its like playing a game that I can only lose at. Hopefully that will be the last lapse and I will go proper no contact from today (at least I did not contact her!).

[Hazyillusions]

She cheated on you and doesn't even feel remorse. Like the fact she cheated bcnshe lost feelings actually changes a thing! She's selfish and lacks empathy and you need to block her and try to stop googling hun, that's only going to be detrimental to your heart. Stand firm, please do not get back with her even if she comes crawling back in the future (they often do). Bigger and better things; people with actualnmorals and consideration for your feelings await you in the future, so the first step is step away permanently from her. You can do it!

[sharky988]

You're doing the best thing for yourself by going NC and sticking to it. It's hard at first -- but it does get easier with time.

 

Try and resist the urge to snoop online. Make sure she's BLOCKED (not just deleted/unfriended) on Facebook and all social media -- all your mutual friends, too. The less you snoop, the easier it is on you. Right now, knowledge = pain.

 

Have you read the recovery guide in my signature? Check it out, it's great!

[Ragamuffin blu]

Thank you - yes that guide is excellent!

 

I know she cheated in the end and is selfish, I am surprised at myself how much I still care about her after that. I am also a little jealous that she is in a new relationship, whereas I am in pain she has someone to fill that void. I do take solace that she is starting her new relationship on bad karma!

 

Yes all blocked on facebook, I just need to find things to keep busy and change my thoughts when I think of her. I am going on to bigger and better things for sure!!

[Ragamuffin blu]

Hi,

 

Does anyone have any advice about positive affirmations they use?? I have been waking up in the night and I telling myself "Let her go, she does not want to be with you". I know I need to deal with the reality of the situation but this morning I realised it is quite a negative thing to keep repeating to myself!

 

I need to remind myself that it is truly over but not feel rejected everytime - Do you have any suggestions?

 

Thanks

[Tanzi]

Tell yourself that you can deserve (and can have) so much better! There is someone out there who is perfect for you, you just need to patient.

[Ragamuffin blu]

Tell yourself that you can deserve (and can have) so much better! There is someone out there who is perfect for you, you just need to patient.

 

Thanks - this one is much better and I have been using it.

 

I had 10 days NC, but then stupidly broke it to contact her about some money that she owes me. This wasn't so bad but then she started friendly texts and I responded. It happened for a few days last week, I am referring to it as my 'text blip', I was doing so much better with NC and it was a few steps back. Fast forward today I received a text asking if I could send something she has left, I have not responded. Then I got home and I have received a birthday gift from her! (my birthday was on the weekend). She has been very clear that she is no longer loves me, has someone else and I have asked for space (although did respond to those texts). I am certain she wants to friends and I know that I have not dealt well with the situation so far arrrgh. I know the only answer is NC, as I have been told before but a present? Do I thank her? Its seems rather churlish not to, especially as I have been responding to texts.

 

Also a friend just told me that it is a good job that I have blocked her on facebook because I don't want to see whats on there! Facebook is evil in these situations, I have not been on her page for 3 weeks and have no intention of ever going on it again.

[dereitis]

I was definitely in the "text for any reason possible" boat for a while. "Hey, I found some flip flops, do you want me to send them to you?" It's just a means she's not accepting that it's over. My ex started ignoring me after long. At first I thought she was just being awful to me, but in the end, I think she is just trying to tell me that it's definitely over and I want you to heal, because I HAVE loved you before and there is no need to keep putting you through this.. That's the way I view it anyways. I like to stay optimistic I would definitely go NC and don't worry about what she thinks about it.