Confused as to what attracts women, so many contradictions

[Deciduous]

That's why I never go for looks alone. While looks are important to me (especially for fwb/one night stands), I have to have things in common with a woman, and she has to be at least on my level of intelligence. My ex of 5 years to me was absolutely beautiful...fair, light eyes, blue eyes...exactly my type. She once said (and so did my family and friends, after our breakup) that she felt I was out of her league and that I could do better. But because I actually had things in common with her and geuinely loved her, she was like a 9/10+ to me.

 

Funny how when you have feelings for someone they become better looking in your eyes.

 

And yeah...some hot women are extremely insecure. Those women are to be avoided like the plague.

 

If we're talking solely about looks...I don't believe in leagues so much as that I believe we all end up with someone who is within +/- a point (maybe two) in level of attraction. Meaning, if you're a 6.5, you can probably get someone as high as an 8/8.5 or so, but you may only get a 5 if you don't have other things going for you (confidence, chemistry, career, personality, etc.).

 

But as some have already said, with women, while looks will definitely help, they aren't the end all be all. Confidence/status/money/game all matter too. That's why you'll see 3/10s with 8/10s...they have extra things to make up for their looks. I recently was dating a very attractive woman for a few weeks...she said "you're very handsome, but I don't think we have any chemistry." So that was the end of that.

 

Sad to say, but below average looking women don't have it like that. They may make a six figure salary, but if they're unattractive, personality and money won't really make up for it (unless the guy is just looking for a free lunch).

 

2 brilliant posts. I think these 2, round-up the ultimate truth on this topic.

 

Deci

[j.man]

Confidence, independence (emotional and financial), hygiene, and basic understanding and practice of interpersonal communication. Beyond that, be yourself and don't sweat trying to mold yourself to meet the expectations of one particular woman.

[Dougie_D]

Women, on the whole, are definitely more concerned with status than men are. But there are two logical explanations for it. First of all, they can get pregnant--that means being temporarily sidelined from the workforce, so the man needs to be able to provide on his own. A high-status (high-status in comparison to the woman, I'm not talking about a millionaire) man is more likely to be able to do that. And second, women have had social status used against them for centuries. They couldn't vote, couldn't own property, etc. It's only logical that, after past generations were victimized like that, they'd want status for themselves, and seek out men that had it.

 

Yes, but maybe 20 years ago. Things have rapidly changed. More women are in the workforce and women are taking pride of their job, not taking pride of what their man does. (unless she has NO job) Women's high standards of status are lowering. I actually have married friends where the woman makes more than the man. The status of LOOKS for them is rising because everything else is becoming equal.

[Blue Spiral]

Yes, but maybe 20 years ago. Things have rapidly changed. More women are in the workforce and women are taking pride of their job, not taking pride of what their man does. (unless she has NO job) Women's high standards of status are lowering. I actually have married friends where the woman makes more than the man. The status of LOOKS for them is rising because everything else is becoming equal.

 

I'm well-aware of all that--I'm just saying, pregnancy does tend to knock one out of the workforce for a bit, so they look for a man that can make up the difference. Obviously, they can't always find one. In this case, I think it's less about women and more about men. We're becoming less ambitious, as a whole, so women are increasingly the ones with the better jobs.

 

I don't know if their demand for looks is rising or not, but I'll definitely explore that further.

 

That said, I agree that women are lowering their expectations accross the board. Some of my FWBs have tried to sell me on having relationships with them, and their demands were sadly basic. I've actually had to tell them to stand up for themselves and demand more (from another guy, not me, thanks). Other than that, though, I'm doing my part to help lower women's expectations, so that guys like you will look good in comparison!

[Deciduous]

I'm doing my part to help lower women's expectations, so that guys like you will look good in comparison!

 

That line was too funny

 

I'm sure men around the globe salute your tireless work, blue spiral.

[Blue Spiral]

That line was too funny

 

I'm sure men around the globe salute your tireless work, blue spiral.

 

In all seriousness, it's sort of the opposite of what I did before. As I've said, my flirting skills were pretty much non-existent, so I had to rely on (honest) flattery. I've gotten a bit better in that area, but I've noticed something interesting. The women that I flattered/flirted with? They used to be extremely insecure, but they've mostly swung the other way, becoming convinced that they're perfect and all-knowing. I realized that, in many cases, it's because they're surrounded by socially-challenged guys like me, who are collectively flattering them and accidentally boosting their egos to cosmic proportions in the process. Some of them don't actually realize that these guys are saying it to get them into bed; they think that it's perfectly natural for people to come up to you and tell you how awesome you are.

 

Unfortunately, when that stops happening, they're angry and confused, and some of them come to me for answers. If I ever seem harsh on here, it's because I've used up all the compassionate subtlety I have in those conversations. Trying to find a kind way to say "Well, when you were hotter, guys were willing to put up with your behavior. But your behavior is getting worse, and your hotness is decreasing, so it just isn't worth it for them, anymore."

[Dougie_D]

I have to disagree on some parts you said. I don't think men are becoming less ambitious, I think a lot more women are becoming focused on their careers instead of daydreaming of having a family. Also, to me, it's as if they are just having fun with dating because they don't want to take it serious until they feel comfortable in their jobs (or if they really do land a millionaire...but that's rare). It's possible that your FWB's are in that time frame where they want to settle down because they are content with their job or tired of "having fun". But lets be fair, ORIGINALLY they didn't care about your job or how anything else was. They just wanted your body.

 

I have a full time job but I don't make the bank, just like probably my potential candidates. What bothers me, is that they won't even give me a chance.

[Thorshammer]

I agree with dougie d on this one. The masculine/feminine polarity has been changing in modern america, especially in urban cities. There are still traits that still goes to the times of old, but resources/money has been shrinking. Plus women have way more freedom now, a show like sex in the city in the 1940s would have gotten those women stoned- they would have been put on charges of attempt to create chaos in the modern family home or something.

 

But, if you go to other less modern countries, women are still attracted to the same traits of old.

[Deciduous]

If I ever seem harsh on here, it's because I've used up all the compassionate subtlety I have in those conversations. Trying to find a kind way to say "Well, when you were hotter, guys were willing to put up with your behavior. But your behavior is getting worse, and your hotness is decreasing, so it just isn't worth it for them, anymore."

 

 

So to paraphrase, you tell these poor wretched creatures. "Look luv, your flabby, your old. Your not worth the hassle. Beat it" And this act of "empathy" drains you of compassionate subtly on eNotalone???

 

Have you considered working for a helpline?

[Blue Spiral]

I have to disagree on some parts you said. I don't think men are becoming less ambitious, I think a lot more women are becoming focused on their careers instead of daydreaming of having a family. Also, to me, it's as if they are just having fun with dating because they don't want to take it serious until they feel comfortable in their jobs (or if they really do land a millionaire...but that's rare).

 

Again, I agree 100% with most of that. Women are absolutely becoming more career-focused. And, like most men, they now have a "wild and crazy" phase before they eventually settle down. But I still maintain that, when they go into Adult Relationship Mode, they're looking for a man that, in some way, is higher-status than them, both for practical reasons and attraction ones.

[Blue Spiral]

 

 

So to paraphrase, you tell these poor wretched creatures. "Look luv, your flabby, your old. Your not worth the hassle. Beat it" And this act of "empathy" drains you of compassionate subtly on eNotalone???

 

Have you considered working for a helpline?

 

...yes, that's exactly what I tell them, because I'm either evil or oblivious. Actually, I try to cheer them up by telling them a lot of nice things about themselves, and by being generally reassuring. But I also try to help them understand that the Hotness Card they've been using all these years, which has let them get away with just about anything, may in fact have an expiration date on it.