RGS Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 My ex and I broke up just over a year ago now and the last time we were in touch was April this year. We'd been amicable and had gone out for food together as friends and had a really lovely time. Shortly after he sponsored me for a race I was in, I emailed and said thank you and said it would be nice to go for a drink soon in the sunshine and suggested a date in may. He sent me a weird reply saying he's not sure what he's doing on that date and anyway I can't predict the sunshine. He'll go for a drink but it'll more than likely be a last minute thing. This was in April and I haven't heard from him since. i had resolved to not contact him either so i had kind of drawn the line... The longest we hadn't been in touch since we split is two months so it had gone way over that. Out the blue yesterday though he sent me this email titled 'howdy stranger' and saying "Hola, how it going? Sorry I haven’t been in touch for a while…. You must be in your element in this weather What are people's opinions? Is he just wanting attention and trying to "check" I'm still there? If there was anything amicable in this he wouldn't have dropped off the radar. It's really irritating and makes me wish I hadn't bothered trying to be friends if he's playing silly games. Incidentally he was the dumper because "he just wasn't ready to settle down but maybe we can get back together when I'm 40 (!)" I handled the whole break up calmly and just walked away, didn't do any chasing or begging and am keeping busy. I don't know if this has been a dent to his ego hence the "checking" email. Pfft! Link to comment
Lilliene Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 I think he wants to see if you r still there available for him. Reply n see whats brewing in his mind and then you can be the one who goes off the radar if you dont want to get back together. He ll get a taste of his own med. Link to comment
sharky988 Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 It's hard to say whether he's checking to see if you're still available as a potential Plan B option, or whether he's just checking in with someone he now considers to be a friend. If you want to be friends only, then I'd reply in the same friendly manner and not read anything into it. Friends often drop off the map with each other for periods of time and then check in afterwards without repercussions. If you're hoping for more than just friendship, I think it's helpful to hold on to the bigger picture -- which is that he ended the relationship between you and whatever contact has happened since then, he hasn't said he wants to get back together. Link to comment
Rose30 Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 How do you feel about him? are you still hoping you'll get back together or are you over him? If you are interested in being friends reply, if you're hoping for something more I would stick to NO CONTACT. Personally I can't imagine staying friends with someone that dumps me. If I am not good enough to be his gf I certainly won't be demoted to a friend. Good luck! Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 >>"he just wasn't ready to settle down but maybe we can get back together when I'm 40 (!)" what this means is he really wants to chase other women. and possibly hook up with you now and again in a FWB situation when he is between women. Or a small chance he's changed his mind and wants to come back. The point is, you need to first determine what it is YOU want. Do you want him as a friend, or still want him as a BF? If you want him as a BF, then you shouldn't engage in any contact that isn't explicitly about trying again because it will just set you back and mess with your head. If you want him as a friend and are fine with that and don't want more, then you can have a friendly catch up with him. But if you want more from him, then you need to re-focus him on the fact that you're not interested in being his sister/buddy/FWB, and you'd prefer not to hear from him unless he is interested in testing the waters on having a relationship again. And that is exactly what you should tell him, please don't contact me unless you've changed your mind and would consider dating me again. Link to comment
RGS Posted July 20, 2013 Author Share Posted July 20, 2013 Thanks guys, I agree it's hard to know what he's after here. He weirdly took the break up harder than me and when I saw him last Christmas he said "you're a lot stronger than I am" as I had been just getting on with life and doing lots if fun things. I hadn't taken it better than him but I wasn't going to show him my weak side. It would be unusual for him if he does want to be friends as he has never stayed friends with any exes in the past and doesn't think it's possible. I don't think hes after FWB as he is actually very respectful of me hence why he broke up with me because he wasn't sure what he wanted. My conclusion is that he is sussing out my situation as he hasn't heard from me for a while I think he maybe got freaked if met someone and is checking I'm still available. As for what I want I have no idea. Originally I wanted to be friends and deep down I'm not sure we could get back together after him hurting me so much, it would be hard for me to trust him again. But, there's a part of me probably hoping he does want to get back together even though I'm not sure i do want to get back. I know I miss him but I'm not sure in what sense. I replied yesterday sending what I thought was a friendly chatty message, I said "Hey, how are you?! Nice to hear from you Yes this weather is pretty amazing! I just got back from Slovenia with work today, I definitely recommend it it's great! Good food good wine and less touristy and crappy than the rest of Europe. Heading to Hossegor in two weeks for some surfing.. How about you, did you do your French trip this year? You excited for Ibiza?!" Do you think that's ok? He's not replied but then it was sent to his work ad late on Friday... Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 Yes, it sounds as though he's cool with being friends and assumes you're the same, especially as you handled the breakup with dignity and have given him no indication of your true feelings. The chatty message you sent yesterday is lovely, but, again, is the kind of thing you'd send to anyone and doesn't express what's going on for you emotionally at all. Your 'not showing your weak side' is telling him you're not that emotionally invested and he will have no idea that you feel hurt by his failure to respond. For yourself, if you're OK with him just being a friend, then carry on as you are, but don't overthink or try to read motives into his actions or lack of actions - they're probably just not there. On the other hand, if you still have feelings for him and feel hurt when he treats you in the casual way you might with a friend, you need to protect yourself by going full NC and having nothing to do with him. Link to comment
RGS Posted July 21, 2013 Author Share Posted July 21, 2013 Thanks nut brown, I do think there is something to be acknowledged in his actions as he's obviously blatantly aware he's not been in touch for a while otherwise why mention it. It's irritating that he failed to note that I also had not been in touch with him.. I don't know what this action is or means but I don't think things are as straight forward as they seem. It will be interesting to see if he replies. My stance now is no further action unless he does reply...and if he does.. Ill respond but not ask any questions. I think to meet up would bring back old feelings which I am desperately trying to put to bed. It's so sad that break ups have to come to this I had hoped we'd be friends but I think it will stop me moving on Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.