He loves oral sex but hates pubic hair, I'm super embarrassed about it!!

[PurpleButterfly]

Hello everyone,

 

I'm sorry if this comes accross as a complete and utter overreaction but I just needed to talk about it. I have been seeing someone romantically for the past couple of weeks and we slept together last Friday for the first time. We're not an official couple yet, we're just seeing where it leads. Anyway ... it was such a perfect night, we really clicked and felt so comfortable with him. He started to give oral sex but stopped very quickly, I put that down to just wanting to do other things and being caught up in the moment.

 

Last night when texting him, we said about experimenting etc .. and he said he had one request but was verrrry reluctant to say what it was. Eventually he told me he loves giving oral sex, really loves it, but HATES hair. Apparently not just pubic hair, but hair in general. His ex apparently use to leave her hair in the shower plughole and he hated that too (dunno how that's relevant, I wish he wouldn't talk about his ex when we're talking bout sex). ANYWAY I didn't text him back straight away, I was MONUMENTALLY embarrassed and I couldn't stop cringing or putting my hands over my face. I'm so embarrassed I can't even look him in the face, I'm to embarrassed to talk to him now and our first night together feels tainted.

 

Because I didn't text him back he knows he offended me, I tried to explain but long story short we both stopped texting and felt very awkward and stupid.

 

I don't know what to do now, I said I'd remove the hair, but I'm scared of getting waxed, it looks so painful!!!!!!!!

 

What should I do? Please help me overcome my embarrassment and help me talk to him again, I'm sorry if this is a silly post but I don't talk to my friends about this.

 

Kindest regards,

 

S

[kitana10]

This is a simple case of personal preference. My question to you is: Are you comfortable complying with his request? I don't think you should do something just to please the other person, particularly when the other person is someone you've only known for a short amount of time. I tend to find that most men who request their gf's shave are avid porn viewers so their perception of beauty is warped. You could always try offering up a compromise: you'll take the plunge and wax if he does too.

[PurpleButterfly]

Haha funny you should mention that, I was going to suggest he gets a wax with me to break the tension!

 

I don't mind his request ...... I just felt embarrassed because that's unfortunately a natural thing for a woman and I have never had to worry about it before. So I felt really body conscious and kind of dirty, if that makes sense?

 

Well he's admitted to watching porn, but said he doesn't anymore... so yeah I guess he does have different perception.

 

Thanks for your reply x

[agent1607307371]

Ok, don't ever feel ashamed for having a body. Don't ever be ashamed of keeping it to your own standards.

 

He can have his preferences, but they're his thing.

 

Does he have hair?

[charity]

back in my twenties i would have complied with his request. now in my thirties i would NOT. at this point i'm thinking men seriously have watched too much porn, have unrealistic expectations and unfortunately we women are TRYING to oblige this fantasy and its gonna backfire on us.

[annie24]

I can understand why he doesn't want a mouth full of hair. If you want to, you can try getting a bikini wax once and see how you feel about it.

[PurpleButterfly]

Yeah he's quite hairy but I mean I would never have mentioned it because it doesn't bother me. I never really had a discussion about body preferences before, I don't know why I was so freaked, I just think I really awkward about my body. I just can't stop cringing now!

 

Now I've had time to think, I suppose his request wasn't unfair and I understand you compromise for one another, but I'm still feeling embarrassed about something that's not my fault. I will give a bikini wax a go, but I'm a little scared because it looks out of my comfort zone! I'm a real pansy towards pain!

[hodgeheg]

If you have decided that you wish to comply with his preferences but don't want to get a bikini wax then you could always shave. This is what I do, for my own personal preference. I'd recommend using a sensitive shaving gel/foam (I use nivea sensitive shaving gel for men as it's designed for men's facial hair which is thicker), a fragance free moisturiser and a new/sharp razor. These will help to prevent a rash. However, be aware that it becomes incredibly itchy when it starts to properly grow back and you have to shave it again every few days.

[Whattodotodo]

This guy opened up to you and told you something that wasn't easy to hear, and your reaction was to not reply. Being embarrassed is understandable (although you really needn't be) but this type of reaction and not talking to him will ensure he NEVER opens up about intimate things with you again. Is that what you want? If not, you need to overcome your embarrassment and get the communication going again. Thank him for being so honest with you, and then talk about whether or not you are comfortable going hairless. Open and honest communication is essential to true intimacy!

 

Also, if you decide to wax, educate yourself first and find a place you trust. Someone who knows what they are doing and uses quality wax can greatly reduce the pain!

[sara-pezzini]

i use a special hair removal cream for really sensitive skin, apply, leave it on for a few minutes and get in the shower, easy as what...

but the first few times when the hair starts to come back it is really itchy!

bikini wax would freak me out too...

and i get where he is coming from, when i give oral, i hate getting even one hair in my mouth, i have a bad gag reflex and one hair makes me gag, not sexy!

so on occasion my BF shaves and then he gets a bj....i know and can see when he wants one hahaha and i do the same....

[agent1607307371]

If it's what you really want to do, then ok.

 

But think about how he said that all hair disgusts him, but is hairy himself. Obviously, it doesn't. So don't be afraid to ask for some grroming parity.

[agent1607307371]

@Whattodo: Opening up to criticise someone elses body is not the same as opening up.

[Whattodotodo]

@Whattodo: Opening up to criticise someone elses body is not the same as opening up.

Guess I don't see talking about your sexual preferences as criticism. I see it as a desire to be closer to your partner.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Given your last post about this guy....I would say this is yet another red flag about him. You are fresh out of a break up and you need time to sort your head out, not have someone make you feel bad about yourself.

[sara-pezzini]

Given your last post about this guy....I would say this is yet another red flag about him. You are fresh out of a break up and you need time to sort your head out, not have someone make you feel bad about yourself.

agreed! i had missed that, but yes, lots of red flags and this is just one of them....seriously, why bother?

[PurpleButterfly]

I feel really stupid, I'm not a little girl, I'm a grown woman and I reacted in a bad way. Yes he did open up and I didn't reply to him straight away, I was just a little surprised because I wasn't expecting that as his request.

 

Yes I see the red flags, I just unexpectedly fell for him and now it's hard to break away. I haven't ever felt inseparable from someone before, we have a load in common and I don't see the age gap. As I said in a previous post, my siblings are his age and I see my siblings as my age (I know that sounds ridiculous) but I don't see an age gap with Joseph. There has been a few niggly bits in getting to know him but that's the same with any new love interest.

 

I feel bad because he's really grumpy now, I text him a few minutes a go) and he's upset because he feels he overstepped the mark when he hasn't know me long, and now he feels like a dirty old man. Which I didn't mean to make him feel that way.

 

As with shaving, I have shaved before out of curiosity, but it made me feel .... like a little girl rather than a woman. Although I suppose I did prefer the hairlessness. The only annoyance (as mentioned above) is the irritation when hair regrows and then that stubble you get which you can't exactly get rid of ...

 

Anyway I don't know what's happening with us now. I agreed to leave him to his devices tonight and we might meet up tomorrow for a walk.

 

Thank you, you are lovely people x

[pippy longstocking]

I would tell him to kiss my ass ....the end

 

does he mean he wants you to be bald ? .... I can understand not wanting a full bush ..and it is sexually more stimulating for us to take if off a bit and expose the labia clitoris area , but keeping on top of a bald one ...omg ..

 

I really hope to god his genatalia looks like a fecking masterpiece !!!!

[annie24]

I think maybe he is a dirty old man....... and all that talk about his ex would turn me off.

[PurpleButterfly]

He's best friends with his ex, who he had a 20 year relationship with. She's moved county with her new fella of 2 years. The 3 of them are best friends. Yeah it's a little weird to hear but I accepted it as who am I to tell him who he can and can't be friends with. I'm still friends with my ex, not absolutely inseparable best friends but we are good friends, so I felt it may be hypocritical of me to say I don't like you being friends with your ex. He was honest about her right from the start. He said if a new girlfriend can't accept his friendship with his ex then she's not the girl for him. It doesn't bother me massive amounts. I mean he talks to her about me and she invited me over next time her visits... which I feel awkward about, I mean what's the protocol for that!? But you know it's nice she's not an ex on my case.

 

I don't think of him as a dirty old man, I don't mean to sound naive but we started off as friends enjoying each others company and he insisted we don't have to do anything sexual (I think I pursued it just as much as he did). He's apologised now several times for what he asked of me. He's feeling rather low and doesn't want to see me until he's stewed a bit. So like I said we're meeting tomorrow hopefully for a walk and a chat.

 

Bit nervous. x

[agent1607307371]

That is even more of a red flag. Sulking is so manipulative.

 

As is him pulling the "oh you made me feel bad for criticising you". Fact is, he did overstep the mark, and that's not your fault.

[PurpleButterfly]

Wouldn't it be worse if he wasn't showing any regret for what he said though?

[annie24]

Yeah and telling you by text to get rid of your pubic hair is just ugh....

[PurpleButterfly]

Yeah I didn't think of it like that actually. Hmm perhaps I'm being a bit naive. We text on an evening as we don't live too close to each other to just pop round see each other often.

[agent1607307371]

Wouldn't it be worse if he wasn't showing any regret for what he said though?

 

No. Because then you'd at least be getting a straight response. Much better than a guilt trip.

 

 

One thing re: the age gap. You might not see the difference, but if he's referring to himself as a dirt old man, it sounds like he is.

[PurpleButterfly]

No. Because then you'd at least be getting a straight response. Much better than a guilt trip.

 

 

One thing re: the age gap. You might not see the difference, but if he's referring to himself as a dirt old man, it sounds like he is.

 

But if we both like eachother that much and I pursue things as much as he does, that can't make him a dirty old man can it? I mean The age gap doesn't bother me, I see it bothers him even if he wont straight out admit it. I just think he feels really embarrassed about it as do I and he's obviously having second thoughts about us. Which if he is, I'm sad about it. I really do enjoy his company.