Unbelievable!

[firestorm75]

Last night I took a girl from work out for a first date. We were invited to a party that a co-worker was holding. Dinner was great, and we both were looking forward to hanging out and getting to know each other better. Little did I know, but as soon as I walked in the door at the party, my ex-girlfriend was there, someone I haven't seen or spoke to in at least 5 years. She's married now, and there was an immediate attraction again. She told me that she had been looking for me, and I know that I've been looking for her. She says she's happy, but she called me immediately this morning just to give me her number! On top of that, my date wasn't too thrilled about her being there. I don't want to break up her marriage, but I don't want to lose her again. What the hell do I do?

 

Firestorm75

[RayKay]

I don't want to break up her marriage

 

Firestorm75

 

That answers it right there. Maybe you can be friends, but if you still want her, then it is doubtful it would be a healthy friendship. Both people have to want to be "just friends" in order for it to work.

 

Do NOT go about to get involved or ruin someone elses marriage...just do NOT go there.

[firestorm75]

I don't want to break up a marriage, but I can't stay away from her now.....I'm very confused.....

 

firestorm75

[sisterlynch]

I need to tell you if she is the one that is persuing the relationship with you, she is the one that is ruining her marriage not you. If you know that you can control your feelings around her, then see her. If you feel a need to get her again, then let her come to you. That way you won't need to feel guilty.

[firestorm75]

Thanks for all the great advice. She called me first thing this morning. I'm pretty sure that she's going to persue me......but I don't know if she's going to end her marriage over it. I certainly won't be the cause of it... and I'm going to make it clear to her. I'll try the friends thing, and if it works, then great. If not, then I'll have to cut her off. It's pretty hard.

[firestorm75]

My father and I just spoke about this issue. Basically, he thinks that it was a sign that I ran into my ex soooo many years later. He told me that I shouldn't call her, but if she persues me, then it's meant to be. I'm really confused now, and don't know what to do.....anyone have any other advice?

[EatZ]

I think it's time to get down to the nitty gritty, personally. It's obvious that you two split for a reason. Question is, are you turning a blind eye to that?

 

After all, she is called "the ex" for a reason. Give us some more details. How did you break-up? How long were you together? Why so long in seeing each other again?

[bettyboop401]

Honestly yes if she's persuing you then it's her breaking up her marriage...but on the moral level can you deal with that? If you can...great! If not...not so great.

 

If you want to develop a friendship with her and see how things develop then that's probably the safest thing. But you need to be truthful with her-if she starts persuing you, tell her that you like her but you have an issue with her being married. If she chooses her marriage over a relationship with you but wants to 'just be friends' then that's the time you have to decide if you can do that honestly. It's no good becoming friends if you're still pining for her in a more intimate way.

 

Good Luck!

 

Betty!