Ex contacting me at work....she's starting to have feelings for me again

[JSHRN]

For anyone who has read my previous threads/posts I won't rehash. My ex and I still work together. After much thought and deliberation I have decided not to leave the job because, after 11 1/2 years here I am financially set with the company and do not want to start over. Apparently her alleged job hunt has not materialized anything yet so it looks like I'll have to endure this for a while longer. Anyways, she has been telling co-workers and me lately that she misses me and what we had together. While she has made her decision to go back to and stay with her husband, she has not been happy with that situation but has done so for the sake of her children. She has been talking about wanting the "best of both worlds" - meaning she wants a life with her husband and with me. I told her that's not going to be possible and even went so far as to say if I can't have her back then I don't want anything. She was "shocked" to hear me say that. She suggested that maybe we could maintain a sexual relationship (because she misses the amazing sex we had and never felt as satisfied in her life as she was with me). I told her that was her husband's responsibilty now (she told me that he doesn't satisfy her anywhere near the way I did and knows he never will and she is frustrated by that). I still have feelings for her but I don't want to open new wounds and only be a "booty call" for her.

 

Thoughts?

[sharky988]

You've done nothing to stop the contact or follow the advice here about moving to another unit or reporting her to HR. Sounds like her transparent attempts at manipulating you through sexual flattery are successfully keeping you around!

[Tetsuo_Shima]

leave her be. she's open about cheating on her husband. If she's done it to him, she'll do it to you. Find someone worth your time cuz this girl clearly isn't. Keep standin your groudn on the moral subject and move forward.

[JSHRN]

You've done nothing to stop the contact or follow the advice here about moving to another unit or reporting her to HR. Sounds like her transparent attempts at manipulating you through sexual flattery are successfully keeping you around!

 

Currently, there are no positions available on other units or other shifts. I've talked to my manager about the situation and she said that there's not much she can do at the present time because it hasn't affected job performance or the operation of the unit or patient care. Her best solution was to solely maintain professional contact with her and nothing more. I've told her I've tried to do that, but inevitably she (my ex) wants to turn it into a personal conversation. At this point in time, it seems like my hands are tied.

[lavenderdove]

OK, just reading that little capsule you wrote about her, she sounds incredibly selfish. So she she wants her husband and her kids and you, but is NOT thinking about what YOU and her husband and her kids need! It's all about her and pleasing her.

 

Keep in mind that married people who cheat ALWAYS lie. They lie to you, they lie to their spouses, they lie to their children, all to get their selfish needs met. It's a GREAT spot to be in to have her husband supporting her, her children, AND a red hot love affair on the side. But infinitely damaging to those she lures into her web of selfishness.

 

She's just not a good woman, sorry. Doesn't matter how attractive or interesting she is if she has no character and is willin to compartmentalize you, her husband and her children in order to stimulate and reward herself.

 

You can do so much better than this. There are so many single women out there without this woman's baggage, and who are honest and caring and not liars and cheaters. You deserve better, and she deserves nothing!

 

I just read your other threads about her. So she's a woman you met while she was having an affair on her husband with someone else (so she's had THREE men in less than a year) and she was waffling what to do. Then she decides to leave the husband and start up with you for a while. Then she's talking about her ex other man for a while. then she goes back to her husband. And oh, she's also an alcoholic.

 

Really, this woman is a train wreck. She's got to have MULTIPLE men at one time in order to feel good about life. You're just a puppet in her game. Get out now and find a normal woman not a nutjob.

[sharky988]

I agree with lavenderdove -- this woman's a trainwreck. She's mentally ill. You're choosing to stay at your job and you're choosing to continue to be pulled in by her ridiculous statements and behavior.

 

Get a small voice-activated tape recorder so you can record your next few interactions. Play this for the HR person. IF you're asking this psycho to stop contacting you and she refuses, you've probably got a nice sexual harassment suit -- that should get the hospital's notice.

 

Frankly I think it's ridiculous that you don't simply move to a different hospital -- but it's your life!

[lavenderdove]

btw, i suggest you protect yourself from this woman. Don't let her drive you away from your job but you should IN WRITING in an email tell her to stop contacting you, that now that she has gone back to her husband it is inappropriate of her to be contacting you suggesting sex, that because you work together it is best to totally cut contact and only communicate when essential to do the job, and only ABOUT the job and nothing else. Tell her she needs to focus on her husband and kids and her job, and you are not going to get back with her or be her friend because it is not appropriate given the history and that you work together.

 

Then save that communication in case she goes really weird on you or tries to stalk you. If she comes at you AGAIN after you send her that, then you tell her if she contacts you again you will go to HR to tell them she needs to leave you alone. You need to do this IN WRITING in an email in case she wants to trump up some false charges against you to try to get even or get you fired if you rebuff her.

 

Often too with women like this, if you tell her if she won't leave you alone you are going to tell her husband, it might make her back off and leave you alone for fear of the consequences if she continues to bother or chase you.

 

Usually the most ardent married lover in the world will go up in a puff of smoke and disappear if they think you're going to rat them out to their spouse. What they want is to have their cake and eat it too, NOT break up with their spouse or divorce them. They want a spouse and a lover, and if you push for more or become a threat to the marriage, they just drop you and find another lover.

[lavenderdove]

Also, don't believe for a minute she went back to her husband 'for the sake of the children'. if she were thinking about the children, she wouldn't be running around with multiple men behind her family's backs, and lying and cheating. That's just a convenient excuse that makes her look 'noble' while she is really pursuing her own selfish interests.

[itsallgrand]

Thoughts?

 

An honest one...

 

she is a total troll. you can't get much lower than this.

 

how does she even still have a job? and caring for people? that is sick.

[sharky988]

Also, don't believe for a minute she went back to her husband 'for the sake of the children'. if she were thinking about the children, she wouldn't be running around with multiple men behind her family's backs, and lying and cheating. That's just a convenient excuse that makes her look 'noble' while she is really pursuing her own selfish interests.

 

I believe her children are adults -- some of them are, anyway.

[JSHRN]

I believe her children are adults -- some of them are, anyway.

 

Daughter is 21, away from home. Two sons are 19 and 16, still at home. They don't respect her and don't want her in the home. She was living home for 3 weeks after we broke up. Now, she's back in her apartment, she and her husband are "dating" and she is "working on her marriage".

[sharky988]

Daughter is 21, away from home. Two sons are 19 and 16, still at home. They don't respect her and don't want her in the home. She was living home for 3 weeks after we broke up. Now, she's back in her apartment, she and her husband are "dating" and she is "working on her marriage".

 

That's right, I remember now the 21 year-old isn't on speaking terms with her! And the other two don't even want her around? Hmmmm..... no red flags there!

[Mike80]

This woman sounds like the lowest form of life on Earth

 

but I know the power of good sex all too well. Its hard to drop a woman who has gold between her legs, baggage be damned.

 

You know what the right course of action is, though. Dont let this harlot ruin your career. She could go loca one day and claim you were harassing her if shes feeling particularly evil that day. Be careful and try your best to distance yourself from her.

[sharky988]

This woman sounds like the lowest form of life on Earth

 

but I know the power of good sex all too well. Its hard to drop a woman who has gold between her legs, baggage be damned.

 

You know what the right course of action is, though. Dont let this harlot ruin your career. She could go loca one day and claim you were harassing her if shes feeling particularly evil that day. Be careful and try your best to distance yourself from her.

 

That's a good point -- her next course of action is likely to accuse YOU of harassing HER. Especially if she's Borderline -- they usually start projecting their own crazy actions on others! So I'd start creating a paper trail and collecting evidence against her very quickly.

 

As for all her talk about how great you are in bed..... ummm, you KNOW she tells the same thing to her husband, right? And every other guy she's with. It's one of the ways she keeps you all stringing along.