He lied and i found out by snooping, what now??

[Justagirl19]

For those of you following my threads, you all know this guy is basically a total duesh.

 

We basically broke up again for the 20th time maybe. together 2 years.

 

Anyways, i snooped in his emails a couple weeks ago and found he was talking to multiple woman before we met of course and it kinda bothered me, but it was before we even knew each other. So anyways, this one lady, and i say lady because she is like 50, my bf is 37 and im 27, so this lady text him a couple weekes ago and said "hey not sure if this is still ur number, but was thinking about you"

 

I asked him who that was, he said just some old lady that used to go to the bar he goes to. He said she is a grandma and is old and not to worry, it was never like that with her.

 

so i believed him. Well he lied. They were hoooking up before we met, but why did he lie? She used to go to his house like every night and hook up. She sent him all kinds of naked pictures, (which i also saw) discusting, and he was all into it. I dont know if i should say something to him about it or not. We are basically broken up as of right now, but i feel liike throwing it in his face and saying "You ****ing little liar, you did hook up with her, and she is ****ing old and wrinkly and you lied!!! She text you and you told me it was nothing!!!!"

 

I just wanna throw it in his face how nasty he is for doing that and that i KNOW!!! And he lied striaght to my face!!!! But then he is going to know i snooped in his email.

 

Another thing to add, they had gotten in a little argument during there hooking up. It was about someone saying around the bar that she had an STD. Clamidia. And he said he was all pissed off and is going to get tested. i guess it came out negative. In any case, he swore up and down to me he had not been with too many woman and ALWAYS ALWAYS used protection and im the first girl he had sex with without a condom. Well then how the **** do you get an STD if you were using protection??!! I wanna throw tht in his face too!!

 

i obciously have ALOT of anger and resentment for this man. I just feel totally lied to and he thinks he is so slick and got away with it all the whole time. i want him to know that i know. any advice?

[Sparklesong]

Well, if you know this guy is a total douche and you've broken up 20 times, seems like the obvious advice is to stop seeing him and walk away. Tell him you know, if you must.

 

But I'm just a 50 year old grandma, what do I know?

[Justagirl19]

Well, if you know this guy is a total douche and you've broken up 20 times, seems like the obvious advice is to stop seeing him and walk away. Tell him you know, if you must.

 

But I'm just a 50 year old grandma, what do I know?

 

You know more than i do, i dont discriminate to old grandmas. i have 2 kids and my mother is a grandma, if he was honest about her then it would be different. he is the one that said she is a grandma and like 50 and i have nothing to worry about. In other words, "i would never hook up with someone that much older than me" but he completely lied about it. I just want to know why he felt he had to lie about it. Now i just think he will hook up with anyone.

[Sparklesong]

I know, sweetie. But the bottom line is, he's a jerk and a creep and he treats you like crap. You need to let him go so you can find someone who WILL treat you right. You don't have to settle for someone like him, you are better than that. Let him have all his skanky women....and grandma's ....and you move on to better things. There are lots of nice guys in the world looking for nice women, but if you keep the skank around, the good ones can't find you! And if you try to argue with him and point out what he's doing...he knows what he's doing, and he isn't about to change. Just let him go, you will be glad you did.

[metrogirl]

So your only goal is to throw it in his face? How about your goal be, to just stay broken up and stop going back and forth with someone that you clearly know is a liar.

[Justagirl19]

I know, sweetie. But the bottom line is, he's a jerk and a creep and he treats you like crap. You need to let him go so you can find someone who WILL treat you right. You don't have to settle for someone like him, you are better than that. Let him have all his skanky women....and grandma's ....and you move on to better things. There are lots of nice guys in the world looking for nice women, but if you keep the skank around, the good ones can't find you! And if you try to argue with him and point out what he's doing...he knows what he's doing, and he isn't about to change. Just let him go, you will be glad you did.

 

You are %100 right!! Thank you for helping me. I am a very insecure unstable emotional girl, and feel like i cant survive without him. especially when he is single no kids and can go out and socialize and meet other people and time can pass by, and me on the other hand, have 2 kids and never get to go out and meet anyone, and once their in bed at 8pm im all alone to think and be sad and lonely. Im trying no contact, but its sooooooo hard.........

[Justagirl19]

So your only goal is to throw it in his face? How about your goal be, to just stay broken up and stop going back and forth with someone that you clearly know is a liar.

 

Hmmm.......never thought of that. I guess i just feel like he thinks he can get away with anything and im just a dumb girl. I dont want him to feel he has the control or power. I guess ignoring and not contacting him will prove he means nothing to me. Maybe that will be the ultimate "in ur face!!"

[metrogirl]

Hmmm.......never thought of that. I guess i just feel like he thinks he can get away with anything and im just a dumb girl. I dont want him to feel he has the control or power. I guess ignoring and not contacting him will prove he means nothing to me. Maybe that will be the ultimate "in ur face!!"

 

But he does have that power because you gave it to him each and every time you broke up and took him back. If you know he's a cheater and doesn't want to spend any time with you (your other thread) why even contemplate staying with him.

 

Your'e a mom, your children come first and men are secondary. Don't stay with a man for the sake of having a man. Do you think it's fair that your children have to see their mother stressed out and emotional because of some guy?

[Alone Now]

I agree. You need to walk away. If he was doing that then his ability to be faithful should be a big question for you. He does have power over you because you are allowing him to come in and out of your life. It is very easy to go NC for even 30 days, but you have to be strong and ignore any calls or messages from him. He is playing you Justagirl and you are lessening your worth by allow all of this to happen.

 

From what you say he is a liar and a cheat and rather charming. Don't let that charm drag you back to a bad place!

[Sparklesong]

Hmmm.......never thought of that. I guess i just feel like he thinks he can get away with anything and im just a dumb girl. I dont want him to feel he has the control or power. I guess ignoring and not contacting him will prove he means nothing to me. Maybe that will be the ultimate "in ur face!!"

 

As much as I don't like to think of it that way.....well, maybe a little bit.....lol But do you know, the most powerful and controlled thing you can do right now is to LET him think he has the control and power while you walk away and don't look back. YOU know better than that, YOU know YOU are the one who is really in control of YOU, so you can walk away with your head held high.

 

This IS your control and power! You are CHOOSING not to see him anymore, he cannot treat you badly anymore because you are not going to ALLOW him. Your power is to be the best person you can be for yourself and the best mom you can be for your kids. When you present yourself to the rest of the world as a respectful, strong woman and mother, you will attract respectful, strong people to you....yes, respectful, strong men, maybe a single dad..... But don't do it for that reason, do it for you and for your kids!

 

The other thing you are in control of is having a support group of friends and family. Take the next year off and decide you are going to be single for awhile while you become stronger. I don't know how close you are with your mother, but you should start trying to be around other strong women, maybe a single mother's group through the church or Y? Maybe there is some sort of mentoring group, and if it's available, maybe you can even go to some counselling sessions to work on your self-esteem.

 

There is a lot of good in the world, you just have to let go of the dirtbags who keep you from finding them

[Justagirl19]

But he does have that power because you gave it to him each and every time you broke up and took him back. If you know he's a cheater and doesn't want to spend any time with you (your other thread) why even contemplate staying with him.

 

Your'e a mom, your children come first and men are secondary. Don't stay with a man for the sake of having a man. Do you think it's fair that your children have to see their mother stressed out and emotional because of some guy?

 

 

No its not fair. Not at all. Im really going to try and be strong and just cut ties and NC. I think this forum helps too. Because not 1 person tells me to stay with him. Every single person is saying im better and need to move on. The NC thing is going to be hard. Im not good at it.

[Justagirl19]

Yes i guess i am in control. I like how you think and thank you so much for bringing that to light. I need to be a better person and a better mother. My kids deserve that. And im really not too close with my mother. We tend to not get along at all. I think a lot of my issues stem from her actaully. I have "daddy" issues and i think cause she kept me from my dad and didnt really allow me much freedom.

 

A group or church is a great idea!!! Im going to look into that actually.

 

thank you so much!!

[Blue_Skirt]

For those of you following my threads, you all know this guy is basically a total duesh.

 

We basically broke up again for the 20th time maybe. together 2 years.

 

I stopped reading after this. So you break up every 5 weeks or so and you seriously come here to ask for advice?

 

NEXT!

[Justagirl19]

 

I stopped reading after this. So you break up every 5 weeks or so and you seriously come here to ask for advice?

 

NEXT!

 

Yes i do. I have no one else to talk to. Sure as hell cant talk to my kids about this. If it bothers you, then you dont have to bother.

[DylanNotorious]

It's a bit harsh to call 50 year old woman old and wrinkly. Come on now........

[Justagirl19]

It's a bit harsh to call 50 year old woman old and wrinkly. Come on now........

 

Why is that harsh? Thats the reality when you get old you get wrinkles. it happens to everyone.

[NightLily]

Just forget about him. He was probably trying to hide that fact that he hooks up with women so much older than you.

 

And really, 50 isn't so old that women are "like a grandma" or wrinkled head to toe. Kind of odd that you are so disgusted by her age as a 27 year old (but then, this is the internet so who knows really...)

 

Anyways, the end of the story is that he is yanking you around just as much as the other women who fall for him.

[Bunney]

I also agree with NL that 50 can hardly be considered "old", alot older than the 2 of you yes but not "OLD".

My mom is 52 and still looks like 35.

 

Anyway, to not be completely advice-less... I pretty much second what all of the posters have already been telling you. This guy sounds like scum! Better to find someone who will treasure you the way you deserve.

[Justagirl19]

Just forget about him. He was probably trying to hide that fact that he hooks up with women so much older than you.

 

And really, 50 isn't so old that women are "like a grandma" or wrinkled head to toe. Kind of odd that you are so disgusted by her age as a 27 year old (but then, this is the internet so who knows really...)

 

Anyways, the end of the story is that he is yanking you around just as much as the other women who fall for him.

 

i call her old and wrinkly because the pictures i saw she looked old and wrinkly. they were not of her face either. Plus, he told me she is a grandma and old and not to worry. so thats where i get these words. I dont think 50 is old at all actually. My aunt is almost 50 and we go out and hang out all the time. I dont mind the age.

[DylanNotorious]

Just confront him and blow this all out of the water. Don't keep sweeping this stuff under the carpet, if your pissed off you need to tell him.

[Silverbirch]

I think you should just forget about men for the time-being and bring up your children. Think VERY carefully about taking up with someone else and having more children. I divorced when my son was 7. At one time in my life, I was "engaged" to somebody else with plans to have more children. Thank God I didn't have more children, but I am grateful for the child I had. It seems as though you have been dreaming about moving in with him and becoming a happy family - with more children. I somehow don't believe this would ever happen - not with him anyway.

 

Looking back also, I feel like I wasted time I could have had with my son by being about for the guy who I never did marry. . . oh, I'm 53, not a granma yet. So far, nobody has called me old and wrinkly - to my face anyway, but yeah, we all get old and wrinkly unless we die young. When you are 50, would you really want to still be with the likes of this guy???

 

Quite possibly, the church is a good idea. If this guy hangs about bars and picks up women there, irrespective of their age, he's not likely the best relationship material - if that is what you want.